Track Smack: Talladega

After their chat on NASCAR.com, Carrot Top and Kenny Wallace stopped by to participate in Track Smack. The following is rated PG. Parental Guidance is suggested.

What do you guys want to talk about?

	Carrot Top with Mike Wallace before the Pepsi 400 in July. Credit: Autostock

Carrot Top: I want to talk about Kenny.

Kenny Wallace: I want to talk about Carrot Top.

Tim Packman: Oh God. A lovefest.

Carrot Top: I am going to fly to Talladega early and do a meet-and-greet. I am hoping to get to screw with the car a little bit. Tighten some lug nuts.

Kenny Wallace: Don't let Carrot Top lie to you. The only reason he's coming to Talladega is to see his face on the hood of my race car.

Carrot Top: I can't lie. It's weird. You never think you'd see your face on the hood of a car. I am sorry you have to drive.

Ryan Smithson: Didn't Mike Wallace crumple that thing up at Daytona?

Carrot Top: Yeah, sure did. I think it was the No. 1 car (Steve Park) that hit us from behind. Glad it was not the Viagra car that hit us from behind. That always sucks.

Tim Packman: Do you look better or worse once you've been wrecked up?

Carrot Top: Actually, I gotta say: I look a little bit better with a ding and scratch on the side of my face.

Send us some love MartDawg Ryan Tim Dave

Tim Packman: I didn't think it would mess up your hair.

Marty Smith: Your hair is a little bit more manageable.

Carrot Top: It's a nice, soft hit if you hit the wall. Nice and manageable.

Dave Rodman: Having your picture on it is one thing. They have not talked you into riding on the hood have they?

Carrot Top: No. I don't want to be going 200 mph like that. But I have to say ? I have the utmost respect for these guys. The first time I went to a race ? Rusty (Wallace) invited me out to Vegas, and I went to the race there. That was the most exciting thing I have ever sat through.

	Kenny Wallace (right front) runs right behind Carrot Top's car early in the Pepsi 400. Carrot Top's car later met a cruel fate.

Next thing I know, we get involved with the AT&T thing with Mike (Wallace), and Mike screwed up! So now we are going with Kenny.

Dave Rodman: They can do some amazing things with bungee cords and duct tape, right Kenny?

Kenny Wallace: Getting back to his face ? Carrot Top, your face always looks good in victory lane.

Carrot Top: I'd like to see that, Kenny. Can you pull that off for me, brother?

Kenny Wallace: Hell yeah, man. Look at my finishes the last couple of times at Talladega. I got screwed the last time at Talladega ? I finished fifth ? and they penalized me for going below the yellow line. In the race before that, I finished second and pushed Dale Earnhardt to his last win.

Track Smack Audio Kenny Wallace explains the new fuel cell rule for this weekend at Talladega. 2 minutes, 18 seconds / Listen They guys talk about the trouble with fans going into the garage and talking to the drivers before race time. 3 minutes, 1 second / Listen Kenny Wallace and Carrot Top talk about the troubles of shooting television commercials. 2 minutes, 4 seconds / Listen Carrot Top talks about the honor -- or dishonor -- of having his face on the hood of a car. 3 minutes, 16 seconds / Listen

Ryan Smithson: Kenny, which car is Andy Petree Racing prepping for you? Is it the car that Bobby Hamilton won with in April 2001? Or does Ron Hornaday get that one?

Kenny Wallace: I don't have a clue. I know he better give me the fastest one. I'll sic Carrot Top on him. Andy gives us a lot of material.

Ryan Smithson: Marty, you're being quiet, son.

Marty Smith: I rightly don't know what to say!

Kenny Wallace: C'mon, MartDawg, talk some crap.

Marty Smith: What's up, Herm? Yeah, I talked some crap. I just aghast at your knowledge of the racing world. I kind of want to talk to Carrot Top about these chicks in the pool commercial.

Carrot Top: Yeah, no kidding. Let's talk more about those.

Marty Smith: Did you get to hook up with any of them, dude?

Carrot Top: I tried. Tried as hard as I can. They pre-interviewed the girls and told them how the spot was going to go, and here's what Carrot Top is going to do to try to hit on you.

Marty Smith: You can't work your game?!

Carrot Top: I tried. I did my best. Some of these girls are too sweet. They're like 18. Little young for me.

Marty Smith: Hey Herman, what about your commercials with all those hot wrestling chicks? You hook up with any of 'em?

Kenny Wallace: Let me tell you something about my commercials. All anyone wants to talk about is Ivory, when she put Jeff Hammond in a headlock. They gave us a situation and they said, "Do you want to be put in a headlock?" And I said, "I'd love to, but my wife wouldn't like it." I said, "Let Hammond be put in a leg lock." If I had been put in a leg lock by Ivory, I'd never hear the end of it.

Tim Packman: She'd break your neck.

Kenny Wallace: Not just that. My wife would break my neck.

Tim Packman: You better hope Ivory does before your wife does.

Kenny Wallace: I don't know who'd have broke my neck quicker ? Ivory or my wife.

Carrot Top: I think your wife would.

Kenny Wallace: My wife says she is not the jealous type.

Tim Packman: Right.

Carrot Top: They all say that. While they load the revolver.

Kenny Wallace: I have been to Carrot Top's commercials. Quite entertaining. All these models, and they don't wear bras. You can see right through their shirts. Very intimidating.

Carrot Top: And that's just me!

Marty Smith: Carrot Top, I did a Q&A with Kenny at Dover two weeks ago, and he said that he actually had the privilege of signing a chick's thong. Have you ever had such a wonderful experience?

Carrot Top: Yeah, absolutely. I have had my share of crazy stalkers, but we don't get them like rock n' roll (singers) or race car drivers. Which is weird, you think girls want a guy with a sense of humor ? what the hell is the problem?

Marty Smith: Herman, what do I have to do to get that kind of love?

Tim Packman: Start driving.

Marty Smith: You go, Pack! All I got to do is start driving a damn race car!

Kenny Wallace: Carrot Top says girls like a sense of humor. All he has to do is pull his pants down.

Carrot Top: You didn't say that last time we were in L.A. together.

Kenny Wallace: I must tell you; I was very impressed with Carrot Top. He pulled his shirt off, and girls stopped. I was like, "Damn, what have I got to do?"

Tim Packman: Sit-ups.

Ryan Smithson: Work out. And stop going to Steak and Shake.

Kenny Wallace: I can't give up my caffeine and potato chips. It is what keeps my extra shape tire so I don't dehydrate in the race car.

	Rusty! Help!

Carrot Top: I have a question for Kenny. When I went to the race in Daytona, I was lucky to get to talk to everyone right before they started their engines, and I always thought ? and my friends asked the same thing ? isn't it odd that right before you go something as dangerous as that ? that people talk to you a minute before you start the race? Signing autographs (before a race). I think that's kind of odd. I figured you'd have a moment before the race to reflect on what you want to do.

Kenny Wallace: On a serious note, what happens is this -- sponsorships run our sport. Without them, we can't race. The sponsorship controls us. If they need us at hospitality before the race, we can't turn that down.

They have a lot of important people come in. Our sport is just about driving the race car anymore. It's a lot different then football. I've had Dom Capers (former coach of the Carolina Panthers) say the exact same thing ? he'd never let his players talk to the media before a game.

	Jeff Green signs an autograph 35 seconds before the green flag. Credit: Autostock

Carrot Top: Before I go tell jokes, I don't meet anyone. I thought that was wild. I was the last person to shake your brother's hand before he goes and races at 200 mph. I was like, "That shouldn't happen!"

Ryan Smithson: Kenny, you forgot to mention that you have to go into the media center and sit on the throne two minutes before you get in the car.

Kenny Wallace: Yeah, exactly. I'll have people come up to me and say, "You're so happy." And I say, "It's a lot of work, you ought to try it."

Carrot Top: I am not that bright. I have to concentrate. I wish comedians could have corporate sponsors like that.

Carrot Top: So what is all this about Dale Jr.?

Kenny Wallace: He screwed up. He did like I do a lot ? he talked and didn't realize what he was saying. It happens to the best of us.

Marty Smith: You know what is interesting, Kenny? There are not a lot of guys who will tell you how they feel. Everyone has got to be all corporate and full of crap. It's refreshing for us in the media for someone to keep it real like that. It's become more of a fine line. You guys have to watch your mouth.

	Dale Jr. Credit: Autostock

Kenny Wallace: I have always been one to have shoelaces hanging out of my mouth. That is my joke. I want to thank God, Goodyear, and Gatorade. I make fun of the stereotypical race car driver. Don't they have any talent besides driving the car?

Tim Packman: Do you think Dale Jr., should have kept it to himself? It's a head injury. Pretty serious.

Kenny Wallace: Well, I talked about it on RPM2Nite. Me and Junior are good friends ? let me clear the air on that. I am not going to talk crap about him. All I am saying is this ? when you're a driver, you're competitive. Junior's got a fast car. If he gets out of that car and someone comes in and runs good, you're like, "Damn." Some of us like to have that feeling that we are the reason the car goes fast. I don't blame Junior. Someone might have gotten in and run fast.

Ryan Smithson: It's kind of like baseball in the 1930s. If you got hurt, there was always someone willing to step in there and do your job for you. You can be forgotten very, very quickly.

Kenny Wallace: He'll never be forgotten because he's here to stay, but we all have confidence, and you don't want your confidence to be shaken. Guys that win have this vision that they are the reason. I don't think Junior wanted to see someone in his car. Period.

	Steve Park Credit: Autostock

Marty Smith: Kenny, do you have any reservations about competing with someone who was hurt that way?

Kenny Wallace: I don't think so. If that is the case -- everyone makes fun of Steve Park every week, the way he talks, if that is the case...

Carrot Top: Yeah, but Steve Park is also the one who hit your brother from behind.

Kenny Wallace: You know what? We laugh about it, but Steve knows that there are a lot of drivers behind his back, and they all say he's not right. He's my friend, but I am not saying nothing everybody don't say. It's said all the time.

Carrot Top: What worries me is that he had a head injury and he was out racing. In facts, I am starting to get a headache just stating about it. I'd like to thank God, Goodyear and Gatorade before I go any further.

Kenny Wallace: (Announcer voice) What about the guy who took the air off your spoiler and made you loose?

	Credit: Autostock

Carrot Top: Yeah! What's all that about?!

Marty Smith: Carrot Top, would you require any special helmet to get that Afro inside it?

Carrot Top: You're lucky we're on the phone. I'd take you down right now. It's not that big of an Afro. I've got a little summer 'do. I can't wait until Saturday. It's exciting to be involved and have Kenny involved.

Community  Track Smack Message Board!

Ryan Smithson: Hey Kenny! Don't run out of gas this weekend!

Kenny Wallace: I better not. Talking about the fuel cells, we will be making a helluva lot more pit stops with only a 13-gallon fuel cell. The race could be won by quick pit stops. Maybe not the fastest car.

Marty Smith: Will that stretch out the field?

Kenny Wallace: It will be interesting. It's something NASCAR is trying and they should be applauded for it, but it will really separate out the field. There are guys I will be in the lead draft with, and if I have a bad stop, they will be a straightaway ahead of me. It will really make things interesting.

Carrot Top: Time for the picks!

Kenny Wallace: I think I am going to win!

Carrot Top: I think Kenny Wallace is going to win too. I am going with Kenny.

Kenny Wallace: I am going to win, and everyone else is going to lose!

Ryan Smithson: The last two stops will be fuel only, right?

Kenny Wallace: Hell yeah. Lot more important than tires. What would you rather have? Fuel or tires?

Carrot Top: Good question. I am contemplating tire or gas. That would be fun driving down the road with no tires. Just rims. I took gas or tires! Is there a Taco Bell car?

Kenny Wallace: No.

Ryan Smithson: Tim, help me out there, isn't there one part-time in the Busch Series?

Carrot Top: He wouldn't run out of gas.

Marty Smith: Plenty of methane in that tank, brother.

Track Smack appears every Wednesday on NASCAR.com.

The opinions expressed here are solely those of the participants.