| 1 |
1 |
 |
Kevin Harvick |
It’s a good thing he didn’t pass Terry Labonte on the final lap. He would have been the man who shot Santa Claus. |
| 2 |
2 |
 |
Ryan Newman |
How many engineers does it takes to flip a kill switch? Two. One to flip the switch. And one to cancel the victory lane ceremony. |
| 3 |
3 |
 |
Matt Kenseth |
Apparently, his goal is to be the first man to clinch the title in 100-degree weather. |
| 4 |
5 |
 |
Jimmie Johnson |
A rare photograph of him without sunglasses on was auctioned off on eBay last week for $114,014. |
| 5 |
8 |
 |
Tony Stewart |
He is committed to Gibbs through, like 2009, or one year after he’s scheduled to complete his degree in anger management. |
| 6 |
4 |
 |
Kurt Busch |
Dude, why did your brother put donuts on the Darlington pavement for finishing second in the Busch race? Did he think Brian Vickers was a lap down? |
| 7 |
5 |
 |
Jeff Gordon |
Did you see his pre-race interview on NBC? His boat was docked in Rhode Island. Because he wanted to be able to say it was bigger than an entire state. |
| 8 |
7 |
 |
Dale Earnhardt Jr. |
His contract is still not signed. He’s waiting to see if Morgan-McClure still has an opening for next year. |
| 9 |
11 |
 |
Terry Labonte |
The last time he won, the San Diego Padres were the defending National League champions. Kyle Busch was in 8th grade. Mike Skinner led the Winston Cup standings. OK, you get the picture. |
| 10 |
14 |
 |
Bobby Labonte |
There was no one happier to see Terry win on Sunday. Except, maybe, Terry’s accountant. |
| 11 |
16 |
 |
Jamie McMurray |
He had the flu at Darlington. Geez. 500 miles, the flu, and 93-degree heat. I’d be asking Jimmy Spencer to go ahead and put me out of my misery. |
| 12 |
9 |
 |
Michael Waltrip |
He’s never scored a top-10 finish at Richmond. And he started racing there when Reagan was president. |
| 13 |
10 |
 |
Robby Gordon |
So he didn’t pay Jimmy Spencer’s fine after all. But he did offer to qualify his car for him at Sonoma next year. |
| 14 |
13 |
 |
Dale Jarrett |
There’s simply nothing funny to say, except that the man has the patience of Job. |
| 15 |
12 |
 |
Mark Martin |
He hasn’t quite won the title -– although some people still maintain he did in 1990 -– but he sure could pick a driver (Matt Kenseth) who could. |
| 16 |
15 |
 |
Jeff Burton |
All the signs point to a strong finish for this team. |
| 17 |
19 |
 |
Greg Biffle |
His new crew chief used be crew chief for Carl Edwards. That is why Biffle didn’t win on Sunday. He was afraid he’d be expected to do a backflip. |
| 18 |
20 |
 |
Bill Elliott |
He’ll probably come back in 2004. Look for a special Super Grip Polident paint scheme at Daytona. |
| 19 |
23 |
 |
Jeremy Mayfield |
Looks like he’s back in 2004 also. Which means he’ll continue to lead the Winston Cup Series. In commercials. |
| 20 |
17 |
 |
Rusty Wallace |
He and Michael Waltrip keep getting together. And it’s not to discuss losing streaks. |
| 21 |
18 |
 |
Sterling Marlin |
His season’s going so badly, the IRS sent him a get-well card. |
| 22 |
22 |
 |
Elliott Sadler |
Did you know he’s on the Atkins Diet? He needs to get an associate sponsor: Pork. Because I Can Only Eat Meat. |
| 23 |
21 |
 |
Ward Burton |
Oh well. |
| 24 |
NR |
 |
Ricky Craven |
In theaters this Friday: I Don’t Know Where You Were All Summer. |
| 25 |
25 |
 |
Jimmy Spencer |
This time, he put Joe Nemechek in the wall. He saw a red-and-black paint scheme -– and the rest is history. |
