Track Smack: Offseason

What is the solution to all the controversy surrounding autographs?

Ryan Smithson: I guess the best thing to do is have a paddock-type area where drivers can sign. Either that or leave it to drivers to do to their merchandise trailer, if they have one. I know one thing: I hate it when people bring drivers 10 things to sign at once. No shame, I tell you.

Dave Rodman: There is no real easy solution because it is not a "one-size-fits-all" issue. I think Rusty Wallace has got one of the best solutions: Just about every Saturday he does two hours at his merchandise trailer. That kills a lot of birds with a minimum of buckshot. That's an entree if I ever heard one.

Lee Montgomery: There is no solution, at least not one to appease everyone. If you schedule a certain time each week somewhere, that would help, but what about the folks who can't make that session? Besides, these drivers are already pulled in 1,000 different directions as it is. I'd have to say Rusty's solution might be the best.

Marty Smith: Look, it's out of control. NASCAR had to do something. Is the proper solution mandating certain times drivers must sign? No way. Because it will result in people getting mad that if the the line stops 10 people in front of them, and they'd already waited three hours to meet such and such driver. The bottom line is simple: you can't please everybody, and it's NASCAR's job to look out for the safety of the drivers and teams first. They did that, and I think it's a good start to a seriously expanding problem.

Lee Montgomery: If mandating a time isn't the solution, I don't want to see what is.

Marty Smith: If they didn't step in, it was only a matter of time until somebody got mauled.

Smack Mail MartDawg Ryan Lee Dave

Ryan Smithson: Answer me this: What makes autographs so dad-gum important? I don't see the big deal of them. Most of them are just a chicken scratch.

Lee Montgomery: You've apparently never gotten an autograph, Ryan. I can still remember the time when I was younger when I met Richard Petty and got his. I still have the picture, too. Autographs create a connection with "celebrities."

Marty Smith: Ryan, remember my column on that very subject?

Ryan Smithson: No, I will go back and re-read it, Marty.

Marty Smith: I don't understand it, either. But the fans feel like this: with an autograph they've garnered a piece of that driver.

	Driver's autograph: 1 minute before green flag

Dave Rodman: They ought to leave it to the individual drivers to solve it. Right-o, Marty -- the garage area isn't the place. And beyond that, it isn't NASCAR's place to dictate where drivers have to sign autographs.

Marty Smith: They've made some in-depth connection. I swear, I'd rather look a man eye-to-eye and say, "Hey man, I'm Marty. I'm from Pearisburg, Va. and I think you kick serious butt."

Lee Montgomery: You're from Petersburg? Great barbecue place up there. King's. Now that "kicks serious butt."

	Driver's autograph: 10 minutes before green flag

Marty Smith: I'd much rather have than than a bunch of scribbled crap on a napkin.

Ryan Smithson: Well, Marty, you read my mind.If I were going to a baseball game, I'd rather catch a foul ball or something. At a race, I'd rather grab a used tire. Not some signature that will fade.

Marty Smith: They use Sharpies, Smithson. They don't fade. But, that's beside the point.

Ryan Smithson: I've seen Sharpies fade. Sharpies also can rub off.

	Driver's autograph: 60 minutes before green flag

Dave Rodman: If an autograph means something to someone, that is a serious memory chip -- they won't forget how they got it, when they got it -- and you can't discount anybody's feelings about that, even if it doesn't mean anything to you.

Marty Smith: Look, I understand how dearly the fans adore these men. And I understand wanting a closer bond -- which they feel the autograph gives them. But going to the extreme many have gone to recently -- literally tearing driver's shirts, clawing at them like a bunch of piranhas ? is absurd.

Lee Montgomery: That's why mandating certain times is a better answer than the jungle called the garage area.

	Driver's autograph: When signing at merchandise trailer

Ryan Smithson: In Driver #8, when Junior's suede jacket was ruined by autograph seekers, I didn't know whether to laugh or feel sorry for the guy.

Marty Smith: People wonder why drivers change shirts so often. It's because there are Sharpie marks all over the one they just had on.

Dave Rodman: What -- you felt sorry for Jr. getting his jacket ruined or for the guy that wrecked it? Probably misplaced either way.

Ryan Smithson: That is like entering a brand-new car in a demolition derby. asking for trouble. Speaking of a brand-new car in a demolition derby, Jackass was pretty funny.

	Driver's autograph: When signing at restaurant

Lee Montgomery: Jackass. Boy, we have stooped to a new low.

Marty Smith: Jackass was wonderful.

Dave Rodman: What? Could you relate to that because you have eaten yellow cones before?

Ryan Smithson: I noticed Jackass didn't win a Golden Globe award.

Marty Smith: Knoxville deserves an Oscar. Though, I reckon he wasn't acting. He really is that insane.

Ryan Smithson: I noticed Jackass didn't win a Golden Globe award. Johnny Knoxville needs to be in NASCAR. He's even from Tennessee.

Marty Smith: Do you win Oscars for acting? Hell, I don't know. All those awards shows confuse the Dawg.

Dave Rodman: Ryan, You didn't do your home state any favors bringing that fact up about Tennessee, homey.

Who is going to win the Super Bowl?

Dave Rodman: I say Tony Stewart is going to make the comeback of the year -- after making the comeback of the year 2002 -- by going from last a year ago to win the 2003 Super Bowl of Motorsports.

Lee Montgomery: Super Bowl? Can we legally say that? I heard a commercial on the radio, and the company couldn't say "Super Bowl." It was hilarious.

	Ronde Barber Credit: AP

Marty Smith: Oaktown is my guess, though I'm gonna cheer like hell for Tampa. I love ol' Ronde Barber. He (and his twin bro) grew up in my area and they're representin' big time.

Ryan Smithson: This will be like a home game for Oakland. They'll win easily.

Lee Montgomery: That's what they said about Philly. I'm going with Tampa. Defense wins championships.

Marty Smith: Oakland's passing game is so adept, so precise, that I just think they'll eventually get the big play that'll win it. This will be one helluva Super Bowl, though.

Ryan Smithson: I was looking forward to the Titans beating the Bucs.

Marty Smith: I was looking forward to the Bears beating the Bucs. That didn't happen.

Ryan Smithson: I wonder which NASCAR driver will be on the FOX pregame show.

Dave Rodman: Mike Skinner winning the Daytona 500 would kinda be like the Bucs winning the Super Bowl.

	Qualcomm Stadium (above) kinda looks like Bristol (below) Credit: AP

Lee Montgomery: Lee Montgomery: Then I guess we can expect Skinner to win, then. Looks like me and the Bucs are out here alone on this limb. That's all right, you can pat me on the pack next week when Tampa wins.

Marty Smith: Uh, what? Explain Captain Wormus.

Ryan Smithson: Why? Because it's an illusion? A longshot?

Dave Rodman: The Bucs started life 0-26. Skinner once tried to make the 500 driving for Thee Dixon.

LeeMontgmery: Thee Dixon is a character. We need more Thee Dixons.

Marty Smith: Dave, that's one helluva comparison, buddy.

Ryan Smithson: What is your obsession with Mike Skinner? You're going to have to start Mike Skinner Anonymous Meetings.

Marty Smith: Someone has to obsess now that Packman's gone and can't stalk Rusty anymore.

Dave Rodman: Thee was committed to racing in a big way for a long time -- but that's definitely a long shot. Mike has expended a lot of time and effort in building his career and now, winning the big one would be about time -- and appropriate.

Ryan Smithson: Sure, it would be nice to see a Mike Skinner win -- he's one of the good guys -- but it won't happen.

	Mike Skinner Credit: Autostock

Marty Smith: That'd rule if Skinner won the 500. I won't say that cheesy line about a Kodak moment, either.

Dave Rodman: I'm here to talk about racing -- I was gonna say the Bucs winning would be like Brett Bodine winning the 500.

Ryan Smithson: Rodman, I am going to get you a name change for your 67th birthday. Sugar Coat.

Dave Rodman: But that would be more like the Cincinnati Bengals winning -- after their 2002 season.

Ryan Smithson: Brett's in trouble as far as making the Daytona 500 show if he ain't got no cars built.

Dave Rodman: But they have been better, and so has Brett...

Ryan Smithson: Is Brett going to have Robert Yates engines again?

Marty Smith: She Falls Apart by Sugar Ray. Dig it.

Ryan Smithson: Sugar Ray is chick music. Gag.

Marty Smith: Most, yes. This song, no.

Ryan Smithson: Wow, you're in a good mood. I was bracing for impact from you, Marty.

Marty Smith: Dude, you're right. If you were wrong, I'd have blasted your tail.

Ryan Smithson: No pun intended, I hope.

Track Smack appears every Wednesday on NASCAR.com, even in the offseason.

The opinions listed here are solely those of the participants.