| 1 |
1 |
 |
Jeff Gordon |
He has a lifetime contract with Hendrick Motorsports. Which is a heck of a lot better-sounding than signing a contract with Lifetime. |
| 2 |
6 |
 |
Ryan Newman |
We accurately predicted last week that he would win the Bud Pole at Loudon. So we will try to keep going. This week, we predict that John Kerry will win the Democratic Party nomination. |
| 3 |
2 |
 |
Jimmie Johnson |
He is one of the few drivers to come out and support the new green-white-checkered rule. Mainly because he knows it’s tough to get caught up in an accident when you restart in the top five all the time. |
| 4 |
4 |
 |
Tony Stewart |
Did you know that he has a pet chihuahua? Which means he can’t go home and kick his dog after a bad race. If he did, the dog would land in Virginia. |
| 5 |
5 |
 |
Michael Waltrip |
He is going to have LeAnn Rimes on his Busch car at Richmond in September. For ratings, they should have let Rimes drive the car, while Waltrip sang the national anthem. |
| 6 |
7 |
 |
Kasey Kahne |
He says he has not gotten a chance to talk to Tony Stewart about the Chicago incident yet. Kahne hopes Stewart’s schedule clears up after Tony is finished talking to Brian Vickers about the Sonoma incident. |
| 7 |
15 |
 |
Kurt Busch |
We can hear it now. “This is Busch, our champ.” “What? He’s the Busch champ?” ‘No, Busch is champ in Cup.” “Who is the Busch Series champ?” “Busch.” “But you just said Busch was the Cup champ.” “He is.” |
| 8 |
10 |
 |
Jeremy Mayfield |
He’s over 100 points behind 10th-place Ryan Newman for the final Chase for the Nextel Cup spot. Which means Mayfield is praying that Newman pulls a Ricky Williams and retires to Asia without telling Roger Penske. |
| 9 |
13 |
 |
Jamie McMurray |
He’s got just as many top-10 finishes as Tony Stewart. But he’s got two more hair dryers. |
| 10 |
8 |
 |
Bobby Labonte |
OK, one more Fatback McSwain comment. Why didn’t he offer to join up with the Trimspa team, at least temporarily? Think of the commercial value! |
| 11 |
3 |
 |
Dale Earnhardt Jr. |
So John Andretti is going to take over for him at some point in Pocono. We guess they will have to place a different seat in the car so the five-foot, five-inch Andretti can drive the car. Hope Dale Jr. enjoys driving the first few laps with his knees. |
| 12 |
8 |
 |
Mark Martin |
Amazon.com says that people that purchased Mark Martin’s new biography also tended to purchase Bill Clinton’s autobiography. Which means Arkansas is finally doing a lot of reading. |
| 13 |
14 |
 |
Dale Jarrett |
He took time out and went to a Red Sox game during the Loudon weekend, mainly to get a taste of what it’s like to get eliminated from championship contention. |
| 14 |
12 |
 |
Terry Labonte |
He’s got four straight top-10 finishes at Pocono, which shows the man can still drive with the best of ‘em. |
| 15 |
11 |
 |
Elliott Sadler |
He’s completed all but 21 laps in 2004. |
| 16 |
16 |
 |
Matt Kenseth |
Wow, nice run at Loudon. And Kenseth’s still on probation too. If Martha Stewart runs this well while she’s on probation, she might get hired to run a few laps for Kirk Shelmerdine. |
| 17 |
17 |
 |
Brian Vickers |
We were hoping he would have won at Loudon so we could hear the New England media call him “Vickas.” |
| 18 |
19 |
 |
Kevin Harvick |
In his new Lugz shoe commercial, he races through New York City. Some of Harvick’s commercials are appearing during episodes of Nip/Tuck, although Harvick was not compensated with hair transplants. |
| 19 |
21 |
 |
Sterling Marlin |
That was his second 21st-place finish of the season, allowing him to take over the series lead in 21st-place finishes. |
| 20 |
22 |
 |
Rusty Wallace |
He’s going to run some Busch races later in the year, mainly because in a Busch race, there’s absolutely no chance of getting hit from behind by Dale Jarrett. |
| 21 |
20 |
 |
Casey Mears |
He was on Days of Our Lives for just a few moments, which exceeded the amount of time his car was on TV at Loudon. |
| 22 |
24 |
 |
Robby Gordon |
They say Pocono is the “Superspeedway that drives like a road course,” which immediately improves Robby’s confidence. |
| 23 |
23 |
 |
Greg Biffle |
He’s got only one top-10 this year. You can almost hear Bob Uecker’s character from Major League going, “One top-10? That’s all we got, one bleeping top-10”? |
| 24 |
NR |
 |
Scott Wimmer |
This guy starts in the back – way back -- every week and usually brings the car home without any damage. Which is better than Billy Joel can say. |
| 25 |
25 |
 |
Jeff Burton |
One of our co-workers here at NASCAR.COM (a big J. Burton fan) keeps betting everyone lunch that Burton will score a top-10 "this weekend." After Loudon, this guy is now on the hook for 534 lunches. |
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