"I might actually be able to lift this one, guys." Credit: Autostock

Track Smack: Dover

We are joined this week by chronic heartburn sufferer Ron Lemasters Jr., who is helping us with Chase coverage for the next few months.

Robby Gordon.

Ron Lemasters Jr.: The red mist certainly invaded Robby's helmet at New Hampshire. If you're going to crash someone, wait a little while. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Lee Montgomery: Robby, You're Done. Sorry, but that was an asinine move Sunday. The apology was nice, but that was totally uncalled for. I mean, if you want to take out Greg Biffle, do it in a Busch race. And remember, don't say anything over your radio!

Ryan Smithson: The NASCAR media is always slow to criticize a driver for anything, but this time, they are all over him, so you know he messed up bad. Why couldn't he have been more patient and waited to dump Biff at Martinsville?

Marty Smith: It's like a Joe Gibbs Racing crewmember told me after the race: "Robby's helmet must have a sticker on it that says, 'Remove brain before installing headgear.'"

He screwed up huge, and judging by his apology, he knows that.

Ron Lemasters Jr.: This is not a good time to be doing stuff like this, especially if you are looking for a ride at the end of the season.

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Lee Montgomery: Listen, I'm all for drivers handling problems on the track, but look where you are before you do it. Ron, looks like Robby will be driving for Robby next year.

Ryan Smithson: Biffle said it was an accident.

Lee Montgomery: It probably was an accident.

Marty Smith: NASCAR should have parked Robby's rear end. End of story. And had he dumped a Chaser on purpose, I'd venture to say they would've. Jeremy and Tony got caught up in it, but that wasn't Robby's intention. Not that it makes those cats feel any better. It was an idiotic decision.

Anyone seen my helmet?

Ron Lemasters Jr.: At least the "big one" that everyone was afraid of happened in the first race and relieved the pressure. I would bet that this will happen at least once more, possibly at Dover.

Lee Montgomery: Or Talladega. I bet that'll be more pressure-packed than ever.

Ron Lemasters Jr.: Boy howdy!

Lee Montgomery: And to everyone who thinks Stewart and Mayfield are finished, think again. They can get back in it.

Marty Smith: Talladega will determine the champion. Making it out of there unscathed will be a huge score.

Lee Montgomery: I think you're right. Hey! Miss America will be at Dover. Anyone want to switch? Wait, I'm married now. Never mind.

Marty Smith: No so fast, LeeMo. It'll take most of Smoke and Jeremy's competitors having similar bad luck for them to get back in it. It's only 10 races, not 36.

Guys, here's the plan to get rid of those Hendrick boys -- we're going to go 1-2-3 at Loudon.

Ron Lemasters Jr.: If you look at the points, 124 is not that big a deal, especially since we have a couple of tracks coming up that can really screw up your day if you get it wrong.

Ryan Smithson: I think Talladega's overrated as far as trouble goes. There's not a 100 percent chance of a huge wreck.

Lee Montgomery: Talladega is overrated as far as trouble goes? Want to think about that?

Ryan Smithson: Sure, Lee, it's not guaranteed trouble will happen.

Lee Montgomery: But it's not overrated.

Ryan Smithson: We've had several races without The Big One.

Marty Smith: Smithson, have lost your mind, son?

Lee Montgomery: And I was trying to be nice. Thanks, Marty.

Ron Lemasters Jr.: The law of averages will take over, then.

Ryan Smithson: No, Marty. What I am saying is that you also got to watch out for parts failures, not just The Big One.

Lee Montgomery: It's the due theory.

Marty Smith: Unless you've forgotten, Elliott Sadler rolled 58 times down the back straightaway last year. And he was at the front of the pack!

I'm king of the world!

Ryan Smithson: He rolled 57 times, not 58. Also he hates needles.

Ron Lemasters Jr.: 56.5. I counted.

Lee Montgomery: Carl Long rolled 47 times at Rockingham, didn't he?

Marty Smith: Sometimes I wonder about you, man. How about at your next race, you ask Jeff Gordon if the Big One concerns him. I bet you his answer won't be, 'No, the Big One is overrated."

Ryan Smithson: It won't be, but you miss my point.

Marty Smith: That's because your point sucks.

Lee Montgomery: You miss your point.

Ryan Smithson: My point is that I have confidence these guys can get through 500 miles without a huge wreck.

Ron Lemasters Jr.: The Big One becomes The Huge One in the Chase, so my bet is that it will happen, happen early and the points get rearranged again.

Jimmie, you are 29 years old today? When I was your age, I hadn't even finished second in the points yet.

Lee Montgomery: That's a good bet. Ryan. Want to take that action?

Ryan Smithson: I just might. We'll revisit this topic next week.

Marty Smith: What, so you can save your lunch money, dude?

Lee Montgomery: Let's revisit after Talladega, so we can make fun of you.

Marty Smith: Take the bet. Step up.

Ryan Smithson: I will next week, Marty, I promise. And Lee, I'll make fun of you after Mayfield fails to come back for the title.

Lee Montgomery: I never said he would.

Ryan Smithson: Y'all said I was nuts for saying Labonte didn't have a shot at the title this year.

Ron Lemasters Jr.: I remember that.

Marty Smith: You were nuts for saying he had no chance. He had a chance, he just blew it.

Lee Montgomery: Yep.

Marty Smith: Was he in the Chase in the last 'regular season' race? Yes.

Lee Montgomery: How about my dream? I dreamed Matt Kenseth's cat died.

Marty Smith: LeeMo! Man, that's awful!

Lee Montgomery: What does that mean? I hope ol' Lars is OK.

Ryan Smithson: You know, that Morris cat has got to be dead by now.

Marty Smith: Matt can buy Lars new food with the 20 bucks he took from me in the Panthers/Packers game.

Lee Montgomery: What's Matt's other cat's name?

Marty Smith: I should have taken him up on double or nothing with the Bears.

Marty Smith: Charlotte. Same as my girl cat.

Ryan Smithson: Then you'll be out 40 bucks, Marty.

Lee Montgomery: Bears beat the Packers.

Ryan Smithson: Nice.

Marty Smith: The Bears beat the Pack, Smithson. Wake up man.

Lee Montgomery: Pay attention.

Ryan Smithson: I know. I was watching Ryder Cup instead of the NFL.

Marty Smith: We needn't discuss that debacle.

Who is going to win the Chase?

Ryan Smithson: I still have my money on Kenseth.

Ron Lemasters Jr.: Matt Kenseth. He's steady Eddie, and that's what it's going to take.

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Marty Smith: Matt's a great pick in this deal, because he's so methodical. I still got my cash on Four-Time.

Ryan Smithson: I mean, Kenseth was absolute dog junk on Friday, and they rallied.

Lee Montgomery: This might anger a lot of folks, but I don't care. Kurt Busch streaks to the championship. Boy, he was awesome at New Hampshire.

Ron Lemasters Jr: You could be right, but I think he'll have a Maalox moment pretty soon and that will be the name of that tune.

Ryan Smithson: Ron, that is the second time I have heard you say Maalox moment, why the obsession?

Marty Smith: He has chronic heartburn. Maalox is his savior.

Lee Montgomery: Matt is a good bet, though.

Lee Montgomery: And I think Junior will be there, too, if they can get through Kansas and Charlotte.

Marty Smith: Matt's my pick to win Dover, if anyone cares.

Lee Montgomery: And you know Gordon and Johnson will be tough, too. And Mark Martin -- have I forgotten anyone?

Ron Lemasters Jr.: Pardon me, I was swigging from the bottle...Junior could do it too, but he's shown an annoying tendency to have a Charlotte setup on a Martinsville car this year. Remember Vegas?

Ryan Smithson: Remember Atlanta? The next week?

Ron Lemasters Jr.: Yeah, but all it takes is one and you're racing for sixth.

Marty Smith: I picked Jimmie and Jeff 1-2 in the preseason, but that was under the old points system. I think it still applies.

Ryan Smithson: Kenseth does not need his mulligan. Champ.

Marty Smith: If Matt wins, he should fly the Robby Gordon bird at everyone who said he shouldn't have won last year.

Lee Montgomery: Yes, he should.

Ryan Smithson: He flew it after he won two straight this year, Marty.

Ron Lemasters Jr. He should fly it out of both sides of the car on his victory lap!

Track Smack appears every Wednesday morning.

The opinions listed here are solely those of the participants.