| 1 |
1 |
 |
Jimmie Johnson |
We actually got a lot of emails last week wanting to know why Jimmie Johnson’s wife was suspended. It was because her heels were found to be too high in post-race inspection. |
| 2 |
2 |
 |
Greg Biffle |
He was all alone after everyone pitted, but you could still hear him cussing in that race car. |
| 3 |
8 |
 |
Kevin Harvick |
Todd Berrier tried to participate in the victory lane ceremony, but the commercials got in the way. |
| 4 |
10 |
 |
Elliott Sadler |
Report: Martinsville hotdog vendors brace for gargantuan Sadler demand. |
| 5 |
5 |
 |
Jeff Gordon |
He didn’t drive his Ferrari to Bristol, mainly because some fan would have stuck a “Rent Me” sign on it in the parking lot. |
| 6 |
9 |
 |
Tony Stewart |
He says his new HANS device fits great. At least it didn’t come loose during the spin, anyway. |
| 7 |
3 |
 |
Carl Edwards |
The only living person who got more media attention than him this week is Michael Jackson. |
| 8 |
4 |
 |
Mark Martin |
After the big wreck, he had this to say: "I don't know. I couldn't see anything but cars in front of me. We piled into them and they piled into me from behind. I don't know." You know, there ya have it, folks. No need to watch the replay. It was a mess. |
| 9 |
15 |
 |
Kasey Kahne |
He picked up McDonald’s as an associate sponsor this week. Mainly because he still looks young enough to order Happy Meals. |
| 10 |
6 |
 |
Kurt Busch |
He wasn’t going to bring that car back to Bristol in the fall anyway. |
| 11 |
7 |
 |
Ryan Newman |
Learn from Harvick, man. Races are won when you start last. |
| 12 |
14 |
 |
Scott Riggs |
He is tied with Jamie McMurray for 14th in the standings. Actually, Riggs wins the tiebreaker because he doesn’t color his hair. |
| 13 |
11 |
 |
Jamie McMurray |
He’s already helped raise $250,000 to combat autism this year. Betcha didn’t know that. |
| 14 |
13 |
 |
Rusty Wallace |
Despite the disappointment at Bristol, he holds a slim two-point lead in the two-man fight to see which retiring driver finishes higher in the standings. This is important stuff. They should offer 100-point bonuses for the driver brave enough to use an oxygen mask during post-race interviews.
|
| 15 |
25 |
 |
Dale Earnhardt Jr. |
He had on a Cleveland Indians hat at Bristol, and he emulated them by finishing in fourth place.
|
| 16 |
21 |
 |
Dale Jarrett |
A Dale Jarrett-Shane Hmiel boxing match would get higher ratings than a live shot of Dale Jr. trying to use a Bowflex. |
| 17 |
22 |
 |
Sterling Marlin |
Steered clear o’trouble, run good, go to Martin’vul. Up to 13th en standins. Yeah, we’re trying to be funny, and all it got us was some Jayski-like horrific spelling. |
| 18 |
23 |
 |
Brian Vickers |
We didn’t see his car all day, but the results say he finished 12th, which was pretty strong evidence that he was actually in Bristol. Outstanding run, even if it was two laps down. Strong to fair. OK. Average |
| 19 |
20 |
 |
Matt Kenseth |
Dude, your karma is terrible. So adopt a stray cat. Something. See you in victory lane on Sunday. With the cat.
|
| 20 |
12 |
 |
Kyle Busch |
His car was about seven feet long by the time the final lap rolled around, and it won’t get any easier this weekend. |
| 21 |
NR |
 |
Michael Waltrip |
He has Snoop Dog as his ring tone on his cell phone. Which means Dale Jr. put it there, and Waltrip simply hasn’t figured out how to change it yet. |
| 22 |
16 |
 |
Dave Blaney |
Dave Blaney’s merchandise is flying off the shelves. We’re not kidding. They can’t make it fast enough. And Blaney gets a chunk of the sales. Pretty soon Dave’s going to have enough money to be able to start a six-car Nextel Cup team. |
| 23 |
NR |
 |
Travis Kvapil |
Only one more top-10 until he matches the vowel content in his last name. |
| 24 |
18 |
 |
Jeff Burton |
He is not too pleased at Jimmie Johnson, and this weekend is the perfect track for payback. He should let Ward spot for him just for the occasion. |
| 25 |
NR |
 |
Kyle Petty |
That was his first top-10 finish in nearly three years. Or his first top-eight finish since 1999. Or his first top-eight finish of the decade. Or millennium. Or his first top-eight finish in a Dodge. You get the idea. |
