| 1 |
1 |
 |
Greg Biffle |
"I would like to go out near the top of my game," he said after winning at Michigan. What? You're retiring too? Well, Jimmie Johnson will be very happy to hear that. |
| 2 |
4 |
 |
Mark Martin |
He was interviewed after Jeff Gordon at Michigan, even though Martin finished third. He wasn’t even interviewed until the broadcast was almost over. Mainly because FOX was scared he’d tell everyone to go buy hip-hop CDs after he got finished saying what an honor it is to drive for Roush. |
| 3 |
9 |
 |
Carl Edwards |
He’s got AAA on his car this week at Sonoma. Mainly because they are going to tie him into their ad campaign when he slides into the dirt and needs a tow truck to get him out. |
| 4 |
2 |
 |
Jimmie Johnson |
There are people who actually think NASCAR made Johnson fade in the closing laps in order to keep Dale Jr. from losing even more points in the Chase. If that is the case, Johnson better be fading a lot until September. And be sure to tell Biffle, Sadler and Edwards to slow down too. |
| 5 |
11 |
 |
Tony Stewart |
Did you see where Tom Cruise got doused with water from the fake microphone? We'd like to see someone try that with Tony Stewart. After they did it, they'd get their name in the obits. |
| 6 |
2 |
 |
Kyle Busch |
We thought it was weird when Kyle Busch was picked to appear at the CMT Awards – but it wasn’t anywhere as weird as Mark Martin buying a 50-Cent CD. And liking it. |
| 7 |
10 |
 |
Kurt Busch |
He got a check from NASCAR for $84,000 last week. It came from last year’s fines, which get redistributed by NASCAR to the top 25 drivers. Which means Tony Stewart indirectly helped pay Kurt’s motorcoach driver’s salary when he slapped at Brian Vickers last year. |
| 8 |
7 |
 |
Elliott Sadler |
His hood decal blew off on Lap 5. It melts in your mouth. And right off the hood. |
| 9 |
16 |
 |
Rusty Wallace |
He was pretty tired at Michigan after running the Busch race the previous night. And watching Greg Biffle make laps didn’t help him stay awake. |
| 10 |
13 |
 |
Jamie McMurray |
Rumor has it he’s moving closer to Lake Norman, mainly because the commutes to the hairstylist were getting too long. |
| 11 |
14 |
 |
Kevin Harvick |
Kevin Harvick won’t have to worry about Jeff Burton being inconsiderate to him in the late stages of the race at Sonoma. We’re sure Jeff, unlike a lot of lapped cars, would move out of the way if Harvick is leading. |
| 12 |
8 |
 |
Ryan Newman |
Here is what happens every week, in case you don’t watch NASCAR: Ryan gets the pole. Kasey gets the girl. Biffle gets the win. Dale Jr. gets the post-race interview. |
| 13 |
6 |
 |
Brian Vickers |
Welcome to the I Enjoy Running into the Turn 4 Water Barrels Club. Michael Waltrip is president, and Matt Kenseth is the treasurer. |
| 14 |
12 |
 |
Michael Waltrip |
What defines a great season for Michael Waltrip? Does he have more top-10 finishes than commercials currently under production? This year, yes. |
| 15 |
5 |
 |
Jeff Gordon |
So now it is confirmed that Gordon was indeed cursed by his Wrigley Field appearance. He can do two things: Fly up now, make amends, or wait until the Chicagoland race. He better not wait, because he might be 32nd in points in two weeks. |
| 16 |
19 |
 |
Joe Nemechek |
He’s going to Sonoma this weekend. Or, as Nemechek calls it, Momentum Killer Raceway. |
| 17 |
24 |
 |
Matt Kenseth |
He finally has more top-five finishes than Mike Garvey this season. |
| 18 |
18 |
 |
Jeff Burton |
We want Robby back! Just for this week, though! |
| 19 |
15 |
 |
Jeremy Mayfield |
He won’t have to go to his beloved Olive Garden to find good wine this week. |
| 20 |
17 |
 |
Kasey Kahne |
The Associated Press actually did a story last weekend that opened like this: “Kasey Kahne is especially popular among female race fans.” What’s their next story? “Greg Biffle has been one of the best drivers in the Nextel Cup Series this year.” |
| 21 |
NR |
 |
Ricky Rudd |
If he wins at Sonoma, we think Fatback should dive from the pit box like Doug Richert did at Dover. The locals would think it was another aftershock. |
| 22 |
25 |
 |
Bobby Labonte |
Two things are guaranteed to happen this weekend: Tony Stewart wins at Sonoma, and an announcer says that the No. 18 “ain’t got a scratch on it.” |
| 23 |
NR |
 |
Casey Mears |
Chip Ganassi says he has a plan for Casey, but he won’t say what. Maybe Chip is going to make him Sterling Marlin’s Busch Series crew chief. |
| 24 |
21 |
 |
Dale Jarrett |
You can almost hear his spotter in the closing laps at Michigan: “Man, if you can get around the 10 car, we’ll have our series-leading third 23rd-place finish of the year! Keep digging!” |
| 25 |
23 |
 |
Dale Earnhardt Jr. |
We actually got this email last week. Here it is, unedited:
"Tell Dale, Jr. to get some of that old time medicine they used to use for reoccurring boil and put it on that "zit" that keeps coming back on his chin. Then tell him to wash his face good and use Strident Medicated Pads to get all the grease and oil out of his skin. It has caused an ingrown hair to get infected and he needs to get the core out of that spot on his chin. The name of the medicine is "Ichthammol Ointment 20% by Goldline. It is over the counter medicine. His daddy used to constantly tell him about the way he wore his caps - he finally listen and wears his sponsor's stuff now and properly. That place on his chin does not look good on TV. The young on is hard headed as a mule. Tell him to be careful and hold his head up high." |
