Delana Harvick's favorite Armadillo? Kevin, of course! Credit: Robert Laberge/Getty Images

Cross' Words: All things Moon Pie, Butter Beans

The dog days of summer are begrudgingly giving way to all things fall -- tailgating, Bristol at night, The Chase. It's back-to-school, huntin'-season's-comin' and where's-my-long-underwear.

It's also time to find a date for the race. You can't show up at Richmond empty-handed; finding Mr. or Mrs. Right (Now) is important. You never know when you'll cross paths with a driver at the local Sonic, but you should be prepared if it happens.

	DUANE CROSS •   E-mail Duane •   Opinion Archive

So as a public service, your humble columnist is passing along a list of How to find Mr. or Mrs. Right (Now). This Redneck Astrology Chart was e-mailed to me, and after careful evaluation, I believe it to be quite accurate. Never mind that I'm a Moon Pie and my wife is a Butter Bean. Our stars have aligned for eight years of blissful marriage.

And this is a Southern thang, so if you haven't tasted some of these delicacies, you still can play along. There's plenty to go around, and we're big on being charitable. (How else to explain Georgia peach Julia Roberts' marriage to Lyle Lovette?)

Love is a many-splendored thing, so here's to finding your Butter Bean. Just keep in mind this is merely a guideline; Dr. Phil, I ain't.

Redneck Astrology Chart

Okra Greg Biffle Robby Gordon Bobby Hamilton Jr. Ryan Hemphill Mark Martin Boston Reid Scott Riggs Chitlin Blake Feese David Green Mike Harmon Brad Keselowski Justin Labonte Bill Lester Ashton Lewis Jr. Mark McFarland Reed Sorenson Jimmy Spencer Darrell Waltrip Ken Weaver Scott Wimmer Boll Weevil John Andretti Todd Bodine Terry Cook Tina Gordon Matt Kenseth Travis Kvapil David Reutimann Dennis Setzer Jason Schuler Mike Wallace Gus Wasson Moon Pie Mike Bliss Jeff Fuller Mark Green Kasey Kahne Casey Mears Robert Pressley Tony Raines Paul White Possum Kyle Busch Tim Fedewa Tracy Hines Shane Hmiel Robert Huffman P.J. Jones Jason Keller Bobby Labonte Scott Lynch Eric Norris Elliott Sadler Hermie Sadler Johnny Sauter Tim Schendel Tony Stewart Michael Waltrip Paul Wolfe Crawfish Clint Bowyer Jennifer Jo Cobb Stacy Compton Carlos Contreras Matt Crafton Ricky Craven Wally Dallenbach Jr. Bobby Hamilton Ron Hornaday Jr. Jeremy Mayfield Jamie McMurray Christi Passmore Kyle Petty Ken Schrader Brent Sherman Jason Small David Stremme Collards Johnny Benson Charlie Bradberry Bobby Dotter Wayne Edwards Jeff Burton Chad Chaffin Brendan Gaughan Steve Grissom Kevin Lepage Todd Kleuver Sterling Marlin Sean Murphy Jay Sauter Mike Skinner Martin Truex Jr. Tyler Walker Chris Wimmer Catfish Kurt Busch Rick Crawford Carl Edwards Jeff Gordon Paul Menard Steve Park Jack Sprague Kenny Wallace Rusty Wallace Grits Casey Atwood Jeff Green Jimmie Johnson Michel Jourdain Jr. Randy LaJoie Jason Leffler Brandon Miller J.R. Patton Timothy Peters Ricky Rudd Boris Said Regan Smith Boiled Peanuts Dale Earnhardt Jr. Bill Elliott Ron Fellows Mike McLaughlin Chase Montgomery Joe Nemechek Hank Parker Jr. Morgan Shepherd David Starr Kelly Sutton Tim Sauter Brandon Whitt J.J. Yeley Butter Bean Dave Blaney Derricke Cope Aaron Fike Travis Geisler Denny Hamlin Shige Hattori Andy Houston Terry Labonte Deborah Renshaw Loni Richardson Brian Vickers Jon Wood Armadillo Stanton Barrett Jr. Kim Crosby Kerry Earnhardt Kevin Harvick Dale Jarrett Ted Musgrave Ryan Newman Brad Teague

Okra
Dec. 22 - Jan. 20 -- Tough on the outside but tender on the inside. ... Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere.

You can do something good each day if you try.

Chitlin
Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 -- Come from humble backgrounds. A Chitlin, however, will make something of himself if he is motivated and has lots of seasoning.

In dealing with Chitlins, be careful. They may surprise you; they can erupt like Mt. Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.

Boll Weevil
Feb. 20 - March 20 -- Have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything.

Needless to say, you are very intense and driven, as if you had some inner hunger. You love to stay busy and tend to work too much. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

Moon Pie
March 21 - April 20 -- The type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. A cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here.

You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. You always have a big smile and are happy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.

Possum
April 21 - May 21 -- When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy probably is not psychologically healthy, but it seems to work for you.

You are a rare breed; most folks love to watch you work and play. You are a night person and mind your own business.

Crawfish
May 22 - June 21 -- A water sign. If you work in an office, you're hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, and the bathtub to the living room.

You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, but you have very good heads.

Collards
June 22 - July 23 -- Have a genius for communication. You love to get in the melting pot of life and share your essence with the essence of those around you. Collards make good social workers, psychologists and baseball managers.

As far as your personal life goes, if you are a Collard, stay away from Crawfish. It just won't work, so save yourself a lot of heartache.

Catfish
July 24 - Aug. 23 -- Traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. Catfish are never easy people to understand. You run fast. You work and play hard.

Even though you prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life, you are liked by most. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

Grits
Aug. 24 - Sept. 23 -- Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel, so maybe you should think about joining a club.

Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese, gravy, bacon, butter or eggs -- and a good time. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that would serve you well. You are pure in heart.

Boiled Peanuts
Sept. 24 - Oct. 23 -- Have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best -- your friends and loved ones -- may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear.

You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

Butter Bean
Oct. 24 - Nov. 22 -- Always invite a Butter Bean to a party because Butter Beans get along well with everybody.

You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life, and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, also, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

Armadillo
Nov. 23 - Dec. 21 -- You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle and kind inside. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns.

You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but a Possum is another somewhat mating possibility. Not every molehill has to be a mountain.

Legal disclaimer: Astrology is not an exact science, and many of the drivers are married. The chart is intended for its entertainment value only (inset your own joke here) and is not endorsed by Dr. Phil or Dr. Ruth, so don't go getting all legal and haul me in front of Judge Judy because your love life is playing possum.

Quote, Unquote

"Janet Jackson's boob turned the whole world around."
-- NASCAR analyst Larry McReynolds, discussing the stricter broadcast guidelines from the FCC

• Debate over NASCAR's stance on questionable language

Flags

Reed Sorenson celebrates his second career Busch Series victory Mike Wallace finishes second on Wallace tribute night Rusty, Kenny Wallace suffer damage on their tribute night Sign up for TrackPass now BUY YOUR NEXTEL DRIVER PHONE

• Red -- Jason Keller entered Saturday night's Busch Series race at Madison, Ill., with the chance to move into the top 10 in points. After all, he had seven top-10s in eight previous starts at Gateway. Alas, a 33rd-place finish dropped him 99 points behind Paul Menard for 10th in points.

• Yellow -- Reed Sorenson hasn't finished outside the top 20 in the past 10 races (average finish: 7.8), and that stretch includes seven top 10s and a victory Saturday night at Gateway. He's now only 84 points behind Busch Series leader Martin Truex Jr.

• Green -- As good as Sorenson has been, Clint Bowyer is even better. He has only one finished outside the top 20 in the past 17 races, including one victory (Nashville) and 11 top-10s. Bowyer was 189 points behind after Phoenix on April 22; he now trails Truex Jr. by only 70 points.

Around the Track

• Indianapolis Motor Speedway will continue its support of the Department of Defense's "America Supports You" initiative at the Allstate 400 at the Brickyard by selling commemorative dog tags, with proceeds benefiting the Homes for Our Troops organization. The dog tags, which are $5 each, will be available at a booth in the Pagoda Plaza from 8 a.m.-6 p.m. Friday and Saturday, and 8-11 a.m. Sunday.

ALSO •   Pets take center stage STORE •   '06 NASCAR Pets Calendar

• Fans can purchase the new 2006 NASCAR Pets Calendar and attend the calendar launch autograph session from 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Friday in the Pagoda Plaza at Indy. Greg Biffle and Ryan Newman will autograph only the calendars; they will not sign other merchandise or souvenirs.

• On Sunday, 20,000 fans will receive a free Allstate 400 at the Brickyard collectible pin. The limited edition pins will be distributed at the Allstate kiosks, located at Gate 1, Gate 9, the East Museum lot and the Pagoda Plaza, along the Tunnel 6 railing. Each pin includes a capsule containing brick dust from the Yard of Bricks removed from the start-finish line when the track was repaved last year.

Up Next

Indianapolis Motor Speedway

• Jimmie Johnson has competed in three races at Indianapolis, scoring one top-10 finish -- a ninth-place finish in 2002. He finished 36th last year, his worst finish at the track and only DNF there. Johnson has a 21.0 average finish at Indy.

• Tony Stewart has finished 17th or better in all six of his races at Indy. He finished fifth in this race last year, tying his best finish (2000). Stewart has led in three of his six races and has a 9.7 average finish at the track.

• Rusty Wallace has competed in all 11 races at Indianapolis, with nine top-10 finishes and 10 top-15s. His average finish is 8.9. Wallace has led 148 laps at the track, ranking fourth behind Bill Elliott (157), Dale Jarrett (186) and Jeff Gordon (433).

Mail Call

That was a very good article about Lisa Marie Presley. I appreciate the good comments and thoughts about a town that is so divided. It's refreshing. We also have a Truck and a Busch race. Try to coax LMP to come to her home track once in a while.
-- Bonez, Memphis

As Disney likes to say, "When you wish upon a star ..."

E-MAIL •   Send Duane your Mail Call comments or questions ...

It makes a lot of people sick when they see a celebrity at a NASCAR race. Name one top Hollywood celeb who watches every NASCAR race, or who goes to several races each season. ... Can't do it, huh? I'd appreciate it if Hollywood was left out of NASCAR. Let the stars of NASCAR represent themselves. Let the fans who have lived and died NASCAR for all their lives represent NASCAR. NASCAR can stand on its own four wheels without anybody's help. Who cares if Lenny Kravitz, Lisa Marie or Lee Ann Rimes "Got it bad." I'll bet they don't.
-- Kelly

A few fans echoed Kelly's sentiments. Fact of the matter: This isn't old-school NASCAR. It's entertainment. A lot of folks don't like the new-school NASCAR, but you cannot argue with its bottom-line production. And until that changes, you're likely to see an expansion of the current mindset.

Nice article on Lisa Marie Presley. If you are interested, the "How Bad Have You Got It" campaign has won national awards.

• Lenny Kravitz "How Bad"
2005 Silver Winner National Telly Award
(Silver is the highest award given by the Telly's)
• Collective Soul "How Bad"
2005 Finalist Bronze National Telly Award
• Smashmouth "How Bad"
2004 Finalist Bronze National Telly Award
-- Karen Gragg, Charlotte, N.C.

I just read where Jeff Gordon said on his radio, "Mike Wallace needs to be shot." Ten seconds later, Mike was in the wall [at Pocono]. Why wasn't the media's darling, Gordon, black-flagged or held a lap or punished in some way? It seems like Gordon could get away with murder. Mike drives for an under-funded team and he is fighting to stay in the top 35 in points. Gordon should pay the bill out of his own pocket for the damages he caused. When Gordon gets frustrated he takes it out on other drivers and never has to pay the consequences.
-- Cathy, Oscoda, Mich.

Yep, that comment was made, and Mike Wallace did get into the wall. However, the bill may come due on those "consequences;" drivers have the memory of an elephant.

Fantasy Perspective

• Bobby Labonte, Bill Elliott, Jeff Burton and Michael Waltrip have all been running at the finish in all 11 races at Indianapolis Motor Speedway.

• There have been seven different Bud Pole winners in the last seven races at Indianapolis, and seven of the 11 races at Indy have been won from seventh or better.

• Jeff Gordon has finished sixth or better in nine of the 11 races at Indy, and he has four top-10s -- including two wins -- in his last four races at the track.

The opinions expressed here are solely those of the writer.