A different driver, from beginning to end

It's been an up and down season for sure.

We started off OK and then in the middle struggled a bit. Now I'm on the way back up even though the results haven't showed it.

Erin Crocker drives the No. 98 Dodge in the Truck Series. Credit: Autostock

Erin Crocker Year-to-date statistics Race Start Finish Daytona 24 27 California 33 27 Atlanta 30 26 Martinsville 34 25 Gateway 30 22 Charlotte 2 18 Mansfield 25 28 Dover 25 24 Texas 12 33 Michigan 11 24 Milwaukee 33 25 Kansas 12 16 Kentucky 34 27 Memphis 34 30 IRP 33 27 Nashville 27 29 Bristol 31 35 New Hampshire 28 32 Las Vegas 12 24 Talladega 21 20 Martinsville 30 26 Atlanta 25 23 Phoenix 13 16 Average 24.1 25.8

In a lot of ways it seems like a really long season. In other ways it feels like a very short season. I'm a much better driver than I was a year ago, for sure.

I've learned how to race a stock car. It might sound crazy, but it's a lot different from racing a sprint car. The aerodynamics are a lot different and it takes a while to get comfortable. That comes with seat time.

I'd never driven anything on pavement like a stock car until last year. A lot of things come with comfort levels, and I feel a lot more comfortable now than I did at the start of the season. I can let it slide around and feel more in control.

Sam Hornish Jr. was saying the same thing before last weekend's Busch Series race at Phoenix. He's won an Indianapolis 500, but even he had trouble with these stock cars because they move around a lot, a lot more than he was used to, and they're harder to control.

One of my biggest goals this year was to improve. Obviously, I wanted to finish a Truck race. I wanted to for sure win an ARCA race, and I didn't meet either of those. I didn't even come close in the trucks.

But I do think I improved. At the beginning of the year to now I'm a different driver. My equipment also is a little bit better now. Evernham Motorsports never had a truck team before. Even with all the Cup resources we have, the trucks are different.

The Dodges in the Truck Series aren't necessarily as strong as the cars in the Cup series, either.

Honestly, my truck race last Friday night was my best moment. I had a lot of fun. I probably should have finished better than I did. I was up to 13th until the last restart before dropping back.

Still, I passed a lot of people. We were overheating and pitted real early and fell to 33rd. I drove my way back under green to 19th. If we had gone the last 15 or so laps under green I possibly could have had a top-10.

	Erin Crocker Credit: Autostock
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I ran top-10 times all night, so it was a lot of fun. It's what I needed.

My confidence was down during the season. When things don't go well, whether it's the equipment or communication or whatever the issue is you can't help but get down on yourself like, "Maybe I can't do this.''

You need to have people that really believe in you and think you can do it. I have that. My confidence is back up after last weekend. I passed Kyle Busch during the truck race. I passed Ron Hornaday. I passed some really good trucks, and that made me feel good.

I was like, "Maybe I can do this.''

There have been some lows, though. I don't remember the exact time, but we had a few really bad races in a row where we were just way off. That was the lowest part of the season. That's when you don't know what to think.

You wonder if it's time to get out. It's hard to build back up from that, but we've managed to do that. I'm happy that time is over.

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But there was a time when I had to do some real soul searching. I was, "Am I not capable of this?'' My personality is I'm competitive and I want to be able to do this and get better. If it appears it's not going to happen or I don't think I can do it, I'll go find something else that I'm good at.

There was a time that I started to think that. God, it was awful. I'm glad the time is over. I know I still have a lot to learn, but I feel good about it now.

We still don't have any solid plans for next year. We're talking about doing a full Truck schedule again, but we don't have a sponsor yet.

In a worst case scenario I'm going to run a mix of ARCA, Busch and Truck races, maybe even a few Cup races.

Not having a sponsor worries you, but Ray Evernham has made it pretty clear I will drive in something. He'll provide good equipment, and that's important.

Of course, no driver wants to lose a sponsor. We want somebody who believes in me. We want a big brand behind us.

I don't have any big offseason plans. I'll spend the holidays with my family and start getting ready for next year. It's not very far away.

I'm sure I'll do some testing. This team has a lot of tests plans between the Car of Tomorrow and the other series.

The biggest thing is I feel I've earned respect. Maybe not as much as I'd like or as fast as I'd like. That's something you have to continue to earn, so we'll work on that next season.

Erin Crocker is stepping up a program that she hopes will land her in a fulltime Nextel Cup ride by driving in the Busch, Truck and ARCA Series for Evernham Motorsports. The youngest of five children, Crocker has been sharing weekly with NASCAR.COM readers the ups and downs of her life on and off the track through staff writer David Newton.