Kyle and Pattie Petty accept a $1 million donation to the Victory Junction Gang Camp from Tony Stewart. Credit: NASCAR

Generosity helps Pettys deal with death, and life

Pattie Petty returned to NHIS out of respect for friendship

It wasn't the racetrack that claimed her son's life that was so emotionally difficult for Pattie Petty, rather the airport that sent him home.

And once she forged the resolve to face Concord Municipal Airport, to stand strong on the very plot of land where her son Adam's body was loaded into an airplane, the racetrack somehow offered promise.

	MARTY SMITH •   E-mail Marty •   Opinion Archive

It was all part of Tony Stewart's master plan: pledge another $1 million to Victory Junction Gang Camp, coax Pattie into making the trip to accept it and, in the process, fortify a spiritually downtrodden friend -- Kyle Petty.

Were it not for that plan, it is highly unlikely Pattie ever would have seen New Hampshire International Speedway. She'd never been to the state of New Hampshire, much less its racetrack.

When the kids were younger, Pattie would whisk them off to the beach every summer. She'd leave North Carolina right after the World 600 on Memorial Day and wouldn't return until after the Southern 500 on Labor Day. So for 15 years she didn't travel with Kyle to the Michigans or Poconos or New Hampshires of the world.

In fact, the only portion of NHIS she'd ever seen was the sliver of wall shown on television behind the accident scene where Adam died on May 12, 2000.

She had no visual of how the entire body of work might appear, didn't want one. No points of reference or vision to foster expectation.

ALSO Though her firstborn son died at New Hampshire International Speedway, Pattie Petty harbors no ill will toward the facility. In fact, her heart hurts terribly for speedway owner Bob Bahre.  "I have such an unbelievable amount of respect and empathy for Bob Bahre, who has suffered severe distress and emotional trauma, not just for Adam but for Kenny [Irwin], too," Petty said. "He can't deal with it." Irwin died in a crash at the track July 7, 2000.  Bahre, Petty said, can't look her in the eye. It hurts too badly. If they happened to cross paths, say, at the Nextel Cup Series banquet in Manhattan, he'd turn the other way. Until one morning when they were at breakfast, and he had no escape route.  "I sat down and said, 'Mr. Bahre, you aren't responsible for the loss of my son,' " Petty said. " 'It happened to happen at your facility, but he could have drowned on a jet ski in my lake. ... I don't harbor any ill feelings toward you, and I want you to be able to move forward knowing he was happy to be there. He called me that morning and told me he was the fastest car there and was going to sit on the pole. He was happy to be at your track. Remember that, not the end result.' "  Despite her love and blessing, Bahre struggles to be in the presence of Kyle and Pattie. He couldn't attend last Friday's news conference, couldn't bring himself to face them, Pattie said. "I felt like for me to go made it even harder for him," she said. "I felt sorry for him this weekend because he knew I was there, and he told Kyle he just couldn't face me.  "It's just because he's such a dear, sweet, caring man."  -- By Marty Smith, NASCAR.COM

And for many years her friends were strategic. Though they knew how hard it was for Kyle to return to NHIS alone, they also knew well his mindset: "Why put her through it?" So every summer, as New Hampshire inched closer on the calendar, they'd rent a house at the beach, kidnap her and spend a weekend full of mindless entertainment.

They wouldn't watch the race; merely turn on the radio broadcast during the trek home Sunday evening.

So when she showed up last Friday she didn't know what to expect. She knew she had to attend a news conference to accept Stewart's donation, and she was nervous as she waited outside the media center.

Then Stewart pulled up in a golf cart, sat her on his lap and held her so tightly she couldn't breathe. She was shaking so badly a shoe fell off.

"I probably wouldn't have gone if Tony hadn't [pledged the money]," Pattie said Wednesday afternoon while taking a break from finalizing the logistics of next week's Kyle Petty Charity Ride.

"I think that just shows the level of compassion that Tony Stewart, the man that I know, the man with the heart, has for his competitors as much as for driving a racecar."

His love and respect for Kyle made it difficult to see the pain his friend carried at NHIS. Kyle would migrate from motor home to racecar back to motor home without saying much. He moved with purpose. He wouldn't eat, wouldn't socialize. Just locked himself in the bus.

Pattie has a sneaky suspicion Stewart's business manager, Eddie Jarvis, tapped the boss man on the shoulder and pointed out Kyle's tendencies.

"Eddie Jarvis is one of the kindest, most plugged-in guys in our industry that truly cares about every individual in this sport," Pattie said. "He's always trying to help somebody. He probably pointed out to Tony, 'Hey, you got a need in that bus next door to you.' "

Stewart knew he had to get Pattie to New Hampshire -- and money was the means to that end.

"Tony's so precious, he knew the only way to get me to New Hampshire was to give money," she said. "I went out of respect for Tony. He felt like if he could get me there I'd deal with it, and then Kyle would be able to move forward and deal with it.

"Me being with him always helps, and him being there for me always helps. We don't get very far apart anymore. I've always loved him, he was always my best friend, but now I just don't like to be very far away from him. I feel better, and I feel calmer, and I deal with life better when he's close by.

"I knew that was Tony's goal -- get me to New Hampshire to help Kyle. He was going to give the million dollars to camp anyway."

There will never be complete closure for Kyle and Pattie, but Stewart's generosity helps ease the pain.

"The closure comes not from going to New Hampshire -- the closure comes from knowing that there is a competitor out there that loved Pattie and Kyle Petty enough to do something for us, in honor of our son," Pattie said.

"That's what's so humbling to me. That's the closure. New Hampshire just happened to be the place it happened."

The opinions expressed are solely of the writer.