Smack: Feel regular again; hair today, gone tomorrow

1. Now that the first two Car of Tomorrow races are in the books, it's back to a "regular" car on a "regular" NASCAR oval at Texas Motor Speedway, so who's going to shine and who will be left circling the next COT race on the calendar?

Mark Aumann: I have to believe the Evernham guys, particularly Kasey Kahne, have to be thrilled to get back to the "regular" cars this weekend. Also, the Roush teams didn't seem to have a very fun time at Bristol and Martinsville. I'm certain they won't mind getting back to the intermediates.

Joe Menzer: The Evernham guys will be happy not just to get back to "regular" cars, but off the short tracks. Elliott Sadler actually had a very good car at Bristol -- one capable of winning that race -- but they had horrible luck. Sort of like Kahne at some earlier "regular" tracks.

Raygan Swan: Yeah. The Evernham teams are definitely due for something to go their way and Kasey is always strong on the 1.5 tracks. Now, Tony Stewart will surely adjust as he is Mr. Versatile. Of course, NASCAR could put everybody in motorhomes and Jimmie Johnson would probably run out front, the way that team's going right now.

Joe Menzer: Yep, it's funny -- but the guys who have been really good this year have been really good at all the venues, no matter what the car. Meaning Johnson, Gordon, Stewart, etc. If you can drive like those guys, you can adjust to whatever is under you. And whatever track you're running on.

Raygan Swan: Seriously, unless Jimmie Johnson does some exciting dance in Victory Lane, I'd like to see someone else there this weekend.

Joe Menzer: It seems to me that life has been going so well for Johnson and his gang that at some point they are going to be due for a little bad luck. Not trying to curse them, but ...

Raygan Swan: So, will Toyota be glad to get back to the original chassis or will they continue to struggle? If Michael Waltrip misses another race, could he be in sponsor trouble?

Joe Menzer: As for Michael, Toyota said they signed up for the long haul. But they also have already been preaching for the same type of patience from Michael's sponsors. You've got to wonder how long NAPA and UPS will keep pouring mega-dollars into commercials that no matter how funny or cute, are now featuring a couple of guys who aren't factors in the races on Sundays -- at least for now.

Mark Aumann: Hopefully, the Toyota teams have had a chance to regroup and find some speed. The toughest thing is having to qualify on time every Friday. That's costing them valuable practice time that they could use to work on race setups.

Raygan Swan: Maybe Toyota will have a successful weekend like the Busch teams did at Nashville. Maybe Red Bull needs to take notes.

Joe Menzer: I think Toyota has found that success in Busch and the Truck Series have less to do with translating to success in the Cup Series than perhaps ever before. And the COT races change the dynamics of that even more.

Raygan Swan: Because they are new Cup teams or management? Elaborate.

Joe Menzer: Now guys who race in a Busch event on Saturday in one car and then have to race in a COT Cup event on a Sunday gain very little -- or nothing -- from running in the Busch race. Of course, that doesn't apply to this weekend in Texas.

From bad to worse

Michael Waltrip wasn't feeling well Wednesday, it was reported, just days after a witness saw him "walking home in his socks" after overturning his vehicle in the early hours of Saturday morning.

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Mark Aumann: Yeah, notice how many Buschwhackers are running Saturday -- perhaps because they can learn something for Sunday's race. I wonder if that'll change significantly as more COT races show up on the schedule?

Raygan Swan: So out of the COT, Waltrip's group and Red Bull should perform better, is that what you're saying?

Mark Aumann: Well, it's hard to be much worse, unfortunately.

Joe Menzer: Now that they have to qualify each week on speed, I'm not saying anything of the sort. I think they will continue to struggle for much, if not all, of this season. Right now they just aren't very good.

Raygan Swan: Sad, very sad. I feel badly for Waltrip. It seems to be affecting him. They give him a hard time on Wind Tunnel on SPEED.

Joe Menzer: Well, quite frankly, he put himself out there and took Toyota's millions. Now he has to take some heat for his teams' shortcomings. That's the way it works.

2. Mark Martin hasn't struggled at all this year -- COT or standard car -- because he took the first two COT races off. He'll be back at the wheel of Bobby Ginn's No. 01 Chevrolet in Texas, so can he dial up some old-school magic?

Mark Aumann: If anything, Martin won't have to worry about switching back from the COT, since he didn't drive it. I think he's probably got a slight advantage there.

Raygan Swan: Of course, because he's absolutely fabulous. Don't ask me to explain the nuts and bolts of it -- he's just fabulous.

Joe Menzer: The other thing about Martin that is so simple but so true is that obviously Ginn has given him some great stuff to work with this year. And if Mark Martin gets a good car under him, he obviously can still drive the wheels off it.

Mark Aumann: Plus, we know that team was fast before he took his "spring break." I can't imagine anything has changed in that department.

Joe Menzer: If anything, he will be mentally refreshed. Not that he really needed to be.

Raygan Swan: I think it's great the way he is mentoring Ricky C. from motocross. Brings a new interest level to the sport.

Joe Menzer: You know, Raygan brings up a good point. Martin's value to the Ginn team goes way beyond top-10 finishes. As a mentor to Ricky Carmichael, etc., his value to Ginn Racing cannot be overstated or exaggerated.

Mark Aumann: I have to believe other drivers will look at Martin's decision to cut back and start to work on ways to pull that off. The trade-off is winning a championship versus spending time with your family and recharging your batteries.

Raygan Swan: I wonder if he took a spa day at one of those fancy Ginn resorts? I would be taking full advantage.

Mark Aumann: Well, there's one in Saint Augustine, just up the road from his place in Daytona. I wonder if he gets the employee discount? 01 percent off?

Joe Menzer: Well, don't forget, guys that Michael Waltrip has been getting plenty of time off on Sundays, lately. I wonder if a day at the Ginn spa might not help him, too! Check that. He might want to go for a whole week!

Mark Aumann: Yeah, on our trip to Florida in my wife's Toyota, she joked, "You're putting more miles on the Camry this weekend than Michael Waltrip." Ouch.

Hey Raygan, don't forget about me!

Raygan Swan: Michael needs a whole body makeover. He's got the hair down pat. ... He could be a hair model.

Joe Menzer: You like that unkempt hair look?

Raygan Swan: Love it! We call it bed head!

Joe Menzer: He might be looking for work as a hair model if he can't get his car to go faster pretty soon. I know they all wear helmets, but is it coincidence that Mark Martin's haircut obviously gives him an "aero" edge over Michael and the rest?

Mark Aumann: Well, Michael's due to make a couple of races -- but he's so far back in owners points that he's going to be stuck in qualifying purgatory for the rest of 2007. Winning a race is such an accomplishment that drivers refuse to admit they can't do it anymore.

3. Now that we're talking bad hair, rumor has it that not all the drivers heading to rough, tough Cowboy country for this Texas race have been behaving like real men in some personal areas lately. What have you heard?

Raygan Swan: Well, drivers in recent years are for sure more in touch with their feminine sides.

Joe Menzer: Whoa! What does that mean, exactly? Since you are obviously a whole lot more qualified than Mark or myself in that area!

Raygan Swan: I don't want to say metrosexual because that word is so overused -- but drivers today no longer wear wranglers and chew tobacco -- at least not on pit road, anymore.

Joe Menzer: I can honestly say that metrosexual is not a word that is overused in my house! What does metrosexual mean exactly, anyway?

Mark Aumann: Well, you have to believe that these guys spend a lot more on their personal appearance than say, David Pearson. I mean, can you see Junior Johnson using hair mousse?

Raygan Swan: No, but Jamie McMurray clearly does and if you look at Jimmie Johnson in his Nextel commercial with Sadler, his hair is totally stylized and gooped up in the front. I like it.

Mark Aumann: I don't even think Richard Petty knows how to pronounce Drakkar Noir. I certainly don't.

Joe Menzer: Yep, but you apparently knew how to spell it! That's scary enough!

Raygan Swan: LMAO. Right now, that cologne is so high school.

Joe Menzer: Raygan is just now figuring out how really old we actually are, Mark!

Mark Aumann: I think I've got an old bottle of Hai Karate around somewhere, still.

Joe Menzer: I mean, the last cologne I may have used was probably Old Spice. Of course they're still involved in NASCAR, right?

Raygan Swan: Seriously and speaking of old school -- you guys go out and get yourselves some of Gordon's Halston yet? Gag! I use Tony Stewart-licensed Old Spice, it's wonderful!

Joe Menzer: Oh, so it's for the women now?

Raygan Swan: No. I just like to see Tony's face in my bathroom.

Joe Menzer: And it's "Tony Stewart-licensed?!?" Man, times really have changed ...

Raygan Swan: Yep. I'll hook you up.

Mark Aumann: There's a Daytona 500 by Elizabeth Arden. I sure hope it doesn't smell like the garage area. "Oh, that burnt rubber and high-octane is so manly!"

Joe Menzer: What else do you know, Ms. Swan?

Raygan Swan: My next question is just how many drivers are waxing their eyebrows these days? It has to be obvious to you who does and who doesn't.

Joe Menzer: Hahaha. Another thing I've missed in the garage!

Mark Aumann: Waxing eyebrows? Is that an aerodynamic advantage?

Joe Menzer: If it is, I don't think The King ever did it! Can you imagine somebody like Cale Yarborough getting his eyebrows waxed? Or wearing "Curtis Turner-licensed" cologne?

Raygan Swan: Look back at ol' JJ. I believe he had one gnarly mono-brow when he started. Now his eyebrows look better than mine!

Mark Aumann: Well, you have to admit that Jeff Gordon sported a pretty good-sized unibrow when he first came to NASCAR. Maybe Hendrick has a manicurist on staff?

Raygan Swan: Yeah, really. And drivers dye their hair all the time now, as well -- highlights, lowlights and no lights.

Joe Menzer: I did notice one thing earlier this year -- wasn't Gordon sporting a "mullet" at Daytona? Please tell me the mullet cut isn't making a comeback?

Raygan Swan: Jeff Gordon has somewhat of a mullet nouveau. Don't you think he's sooo trendy, that Cali boy.

Mark Aumann: Didn't Tony Stewart have orange streaks in his hair a few years ago?

Raygan Swan: I like a well-groomed man with fashion sense but we have to draw a line somewhere.

Joe Menzer: Maybe now would be a good time to draw a line on this Smack session. I have to go put some more gray highlights in my hair!

Mark Aumann: Well, I can't talk much about hair -- since there's not much left to comb.

The opinions expressed are solely of the participants.