Cross' Words: Michigan

Liz Allison has penned The Girl's Guide to Winning a NASCAR Driver (Secrets to Grabbing His Attention and Stealing His Heart). ... Check the rearview, Bubba; Armageddon is on the horizon.

Liz, the widow of Davey Allison, is back on the shelves with more inside-the-garage talk as a follow up to The Girl's Guide to NASCAR.

• Send Duane your thoughts

Printed on the galley I received: "Material from this copy should not be quoted or used without first checking with the publisher, as some of this material may not appear in the finished book."

What the heck, I called Center Street publishing house. ... Yep, the PR lady says, it's cool to talk in generalities.

So generally speaking, the Dewey Decimal System won't apply to this book. It'll be filed under "L" -- laugh out loud.

Among the top five topics for discussion:

• Ways to let him know you are in the groove
• Names for Pit Lizards
• Ways to keep his momma happy
• Ways to know he is the keeping kind
• Things to make your driver stop in his tracks

Ladies, if you're looking for the inside track on snaring a go fast, turn left kind of guy ... well, I guess this is the book for you. A couple of female co-workers couldn't stop hee-hawing at the advice; they also booked a flight for Sonoma, mid-read.

There's a lot of tid-bit info packed into the pages -- Did You Knows and Girlfriend-to-Girlfriend chatting -- as well as behind-the-scenes stuff:

• Katie and Matt Kenseth met at a mutual friend's wedding.
• Paula and Sterling Marlin met on a double date -- each with someone else.
• Ann and Ken Schrader met while each were married to someone else.
• Bill Elliott met his wife, Cindy, while she was a photographer for Winston Cup Scene.
• When Eva and Kurt Busch were set up for a blind date at a Charlotte sports bar, she was told that she was going on the date with a veterinarian.

(No, there isn't a punch line about a horse's derriere.)

The book is not tongue-in-cheek, but it does have its spine planted firmly in the grass roots of stock-car racing. If you don't find something to laugh about, you haven't been following the sport long enough. There are plenty of puns and enough double entendres to keep you flipping the pages.

Thing is, Liz can get away with it; been there, done that is the thought. ... But imagine a similar book from the male perspective. Nancy Grace would be screaming at the camera, coordinating the book burning.

Of course, we'd all be sitting around the barrels laughing, of which Allison never loses sight. Sometimes it is good to laugh at yourself. NASCAR Nation, she's not laughing at you -- she is laughing with you.

And so am I.

(Disclaimer: Yep, I missed Sunday's race. I was catching up on shuteye after spending the weekend coaching. So no ill-informed rant or rave this week (or next; on vacation). ... Well, I will rave: Congrats to the 13U Tigers, who won the Lithia Springs Classic.)

Say what?

"But this is twice now that he's crashed us, and both times he doesn't have an answer for why. That's the part that scares you as a driver."
-- Tony Stewart on David Gilliland after a crash during practice on Saturday

Figuratively speaking

52 -- Races between wins for Carl Edwards, whose victory means Tom Giacchi can finally shave his beard. Gillette declines pay-per-view sponsorship offer; Weed Eater signs on the dotted line. ZZ Top will provide the intro music, of course.

Up Next

Toyota/Save Mart 350 | Sonoma | 3:30 p.m. ET Sunday | TNT
Race No. 16 of 36 | Get tickets | Book travel

• Defending race winner: Jeff Gordon
• Most victories at the track: Jeff Gordon (5)
• Best average finish (minimum five starts): Ryan Newman (7.8 in five starts)
Active drivers only

Mailbag

Craig for Australia
G'day. Just thought I would enquire about numbers. I was under the impression that NASCAR owned the numbers, not the team. So, could NASCAR choose to change numbers between teams? If 5 and 8 did swap, DEI would have 1, 5, 15.

Yep, NASCAR holds the numbers; the teams merely have them for safe keeping: 20-3.11 of the rule book -- "(2) All NASCAR Nextel Cup Series car numbers are owned by and will be assigned by NASCAR for use by the car owner. Car numbers are not transferable or assignable by the car owner. Numbers on a car competing in the Series must correspond with the car owner's license that is one file at NASCAR headquarters, unless otherwise authorized by NASCAR."

Nope, NASCAR isn't going to play this numbers game. If Hendrick and DEI come to an agreement, NASCAR most likely would agree to swap the numbers. If not, the sanctioning body could open up a can of worms by making the switch without everyone being on the same page.

Amanda in Tucson, Ariz.
I like watching the races on TNT, for the most part, but this year some genius decided to play Born to Be Wild every 1.5 minutes. I want to throw something at my TV. It was awful last week during the rain delay, but I gave TNT the benefit of the doubt and thought it was a one time thing. I am watching the pre-race now, and apparently it is not. Someone needs to tell them to back off the cheesy song. I may just watch this on mute because I cannot handle hearing that damn song again. Ughh. It seriously annoyed me enough to write this email. Unbelievable.

I don't think that's what Steppenwolf had in mind with "get your motor runnin'," but since you're wound up I'll add my two cents' worth: When folks sit down to watch TV, unless it's a concert, who wants to be inundated with music? Ditto at a ballpark; it's not an amphitheater! If I wanted my MTV, I'd call Mark Knopfler.

Tom in Huntsville, Ala.
This first hit me during the final laps at Martinsville, and then again [Saturday night] during the Busch Race at Kentucky: Why do the TV producers think anybody cares what the crew is doing during the final laps? You've got a great race going on, and they shrink the action down to one third of the screen so you can see what the crew is doing. Show the race for crying out loud. If the split is to show another race for position, fine -- but not the pit crew or the driver's wife for that matter. If that was worth watching, they could just show the fans in the stands for three hours.

C'mon now, I was with you until you brought in the wives; I'd rather see Katie Kenseth or Krissie Newman. ... After three hours of watching [insert TV network's booth crew here], a few on-screen moments of the fairer sex isn't a bad thing. No to the pit crew (most of them have on helmets anyway). Yes to the wives -- or Bobbie Sue from Elkwood, who took a few days off from the Bungalow to trek to the track and do on-site promotions.

Six of one ...
Drivers with momentum heading to Sonoma:

• Martin Truex Jr. -- The crown fits him nicely; the new prince at DEI has finished 11th, 16th, first, third and second since Dale Earnhardt Jr. made the announcement that he's leaving the company.

• Casey Mears -- Another driver who seemingly has gotten a shot of adrenaline since Junior hit the open market: first, 13th, fourth and fourth since Charlotte, where Kyle Busch threw a nutty in the hauler after the All-Star race and sealed his fate with HMS.

• Dale Earnhardt Jr. -- The epicenter of Silly Season is on a solid run -- six top-15 finishes in the past seven races -- and has moved into the 12th spot in the point standings.

• Robby Gordon -- Two top-15s in three races and now he's off to Sonoma? Sounds like the perfect storm; he has three top-10s, including a win, at the serpentine track.

• Denny Hamlin -- He has one -- one! -- DNF in 58 starts (crashed out on April 2, 2006, at Martinsville). He can't be very popular with the sheetmetal union.

• Michael Waltrip -- The last time Mikey had a top-10 finish? ... Would you believe June 19, 2005, at Michigan (seventh). Next on the to-do list: qualify for consecutive races.

• Bill Elliott -- The last time Dawsonville's favorite son had a top-15 finish? ... Would you believe Aug. 21, 2005, at Michigan (11th). Of course that was a span of only 16 starts for Bill.

Half a dozen of the other ...
And six drivers who need a jump start:

• Jeff Burton -- You make the call ... average finish before AT&T Mobility: 12.2; average finish since AT&T Mobility: 18.2.

• Matt Kenseth -- Finished 42nd on Sunday, only the 12th time in 271 starts he's finished 40th or worse.

• Kasey Kahne -- If you're keeping score at home (and I know many of you are), it's 14 races and counting since his last top-10 (seventh at Daytona).

• Elliott Sadler -- Sunday was his 300th start, good for 66th on the all-time list. Up next: Tiny Lund and Dick Trickle (303 starts).

• Jeff Green -- During the past six races his average finish is a woeful 31.0, including a 36th-place run at Michigan, with only one lead-lap finish.

• J.J. Yeley -- Congrats on the first career pole, but history suggests top-10 starts aren't in his best interest:

The opinions expressed are solely of the writer.