Humor, honesty abound as drivers relax in M'ville rain

MARTINSVILLE, Va. -- The rain was unrelenting, from the minute folks started arriving at Martinsville Speedway early in the morning until the last stragglers sloshed their way to the parking lot about the time Sprint Cup qualifying was supposed to be wrapping up in late afternoon.

What goes on during a day-long rain delay at a NASCAR track?

Well, as it turns out, lots of good stuff. Folks seem to be a little more relaxed, a little more willing to tell a good joke (OK, well, some were better than others) ... a little more human.

It wasn't long after arriving at the track before Jeff Burton, a native of nearby South Boston, Va., was asked about his love of the place. Was it so great that he decided to come in a full night earlier than required, as had been rumored?

Um, well, not quite.

"Well, both my children had friends spend the night at the house [on Thursday]," Burton explained (watch video). "My mother was there, my wife's mother and her father were there -- and between the four of them they'll drink enough wine to kill a small animal. So the only way for me to get any sleep was to leave. That was at the heart of my decision. That's why I made my decision to come early, because it was probably loud at my house [Thursday] night."

Yeah, but man, what about that drive up from North Carolina through the beautiful Virginia countryside? Coming up early, driving all by yourself, wasn't that sort of a sacrifice?

"I bummed a helicopter ride so it's 40 minutes for me. It wasn't exactly a hardship tour," Burton admitted.

The defending champ
The next comedian up on stage at the new Martinsville Speedway media center was two-time defending Cup champion Jimmie Johnson (watch video). One reporter -- OK, it was me -- even dared to try to lighten the mood by introducing himself as "Joe the Journalist," which drew a chuckle from Johnson. This was a play off an earlier comment by Burton, who had asked if "Joe the Plumber" of Presidential debate fame was in the crowd (he wasn't).

Soon thereafter Johnson was off on his own monologue. He hit his stride when he was asked about recent testing at the new half-mile track in Rockingham, N.C., which is supposed to resemble Martinsville.

"The track at Rockingham was just finished, maybe two days earlier, when we got on it," Johnson said. "It was intended to look a lot like Martinsville and act like Martinsville. To their credit, they did a great job."

Well, not really. Or at least not yet, without some much-needed fine-tuning.

"It's brand-new and it needs some work done on it," Johnson added. "They need to grind some areas and smooth it out a little bit. There are no walls up. We blew a right-front tire and thankfully there were no walls because I went flying out through this field."

For a brief moment, Johnson said that he thought he was going to fly all the way to pit road where he would have smashed into the first hauler in his path -- that of his own No. 48 team.

"How cool would that be to blow a tire and go off the track and run into your own transporter?" Johnson said. "But it didn't happen."

Not much happened in the way of action at the Martinsville track Friday. Not when you compare it to the action off the track at Lowe's Motor Speedway a week earlier, when Carl Edwards and Kevin Harvick engaged in a highly publicized scuffle that included name-calling and a headlock-throwin' Harvick backer nicknamed Hillbilly.

As one wise driver later commented, "You don't ever want to mess with someone nicknamed Hillbilly."

Edwards was calm, even reflective, on Friday as he spoke through the raindrops from the relative safety of the back of his own No. 99 hauler. Hillbilly was nowhere in sight.

"I'm real competitive. That's just the way I am, but I've got to sometimes keep that on the racetrack," Edwards admitted. "There's a time for that and a time to sit back and laugh at yourself or whatever is going on. I think everybody has those times when they let it cross over a little bit."

All jokes aside
Greg Biffle and Dale Earnhardt Jr. wandered into dangerous territory themselves a bit later in the day, when somehow they started discussing the current U.S. economic crisis. After admitting he was "no financial analyst," Biffle talked for several minutes in a manner that confused the media even more than if he had been talking about the technical advantages of more camber in a new car (watch video).

Earnhardt brought the crowd right back around in terms that they could understand when Biffle finished rambling.

"It's FUBAR," Earnhardt said in his own analysis of the economy (watch video).

Then he asked if he could tell a joke. Who was going to tell him no as the rain continued to pound on the windows at the back of the room?

"Did you hear the one about the guy who said this economy was worse than going through a divorce? Yeah, because this time he lost half of everything and he still had his wife," said Earnhardt, grinning.

Biffle laughed and said, "I'll have to tell that one to my wife. It's our anniversary today."

Note to Greg: not a good idea. Give her flowers and a handwritten note telling her how much you appreciate her instead. In fact, stick to racing and lay off the marriage and economic angles. Go with your strengths.

Finally, qualifying was called. For the ninth time this season, the starting grid would be set according to the NASCAR rulebook. Points leaders and current participants in the Chase for the Sprint Cup championship would occupy the first 12 spots, led by Johnson.

"This track is one of the tracks where the No. 1 pit stall gives you a big advantage," Johnson crowed.

Jeff Gordon agreed and said there were really only three good pit stalls at Martinsville, of which Biffle later retorted: "Really? I wish he'd tell me where the other two are."

That drew more laughs. Maybe Biffle has what it takes to make it on stage at Martinsville, after all.

Then it was curtains for the day ruled mostly by humor and honest answers. Saturday it will be back to all business again for the boys as they return to racing.

In a weird sort of way, it might not be quite as much fun.

The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.