For the Cup Series' elite, holiday wishes ring true

The stockings have been hung by the chimney with care (my wife rolls out Christmas about the time the pecan pie is cut on Thanksgiving). Not a creature is stirring (except Reily, the 4-year-old who never sleeps). Mama doesn't sleep in a "kerchief," nor do I in a "cap," (leave it at that, thank you) but in any case we've survived Black Friday and Cyber Monday and we are ready for St. Nick.

So are the NASCAR guys:

Jimmie Johnson wishes for ... another year's dues paid for Trophy Hunting 101. Trophy hunting is an elitist hobby, requiring tens of thousands of dollars to participate in each hunting "trip" (aka Sprint Cup Series races). Many trophy "hunters" (aka drivers) belong to "organizations" (aka Hendrick Motorsports) which promote and enable the so-called "sport" (aka the Chase). Or so says the Humane Society.

Mark Martin wishes for ... Jimmie Johnson to take a really close look at his annual Social Security Statement, which gives an estimate of the monthly benefit amounts Jimmie may qualify for now and in the future. Retirement, Jimmie, is an option. But not like Mark did in 2006 -- really retire.

Jeff Gordon wishes for ... nothing -- he has a model wife, a cute-as-a-button daughter and four trophies that could dwarf an elf.

Kurt Busch wishes for ... nothing -- his wish list was filled when Steve Addington came on board to shepherd the Blue Deuce.

Denny Hamlin wishes for ... more road courses! He has six top-10 finishes in eight starts on serpentine tracks. That's a top-10 finish 75 percent of the time -- better than his average on short tracks (72 percent), speedways (50 percent) and superspeedways (27 percent).

Tony Stewart wishes for ... a Norelco "Old Guys" marketing campaign; free razors might persuade him to lose the 5 o'clock shadow.
• Remember this classic?

Greg Biffle wishes for ... a change in the Chase schedule, to include 10 survivor-style races at Kansas (hey, it's the only track where he averages a top-10 finish). Don't think it couldn't happen after the casino is built; 10 weeks in the heartland, rolling the dice, doubling down and racing on Sundays in Sprint's backyard. ... Hey, if Pocono can keep 1,000 miles of racing, there really is a Santa Claus.

Juan Montoya wishes for ... more leniencies from Timing & Scoring. C'mon, if you can give 'em 5 mph over the pit-road speed limit, why not 6, maybe 8? After all, what's a few RPMs between friends?

Ryan Newman wishes for ... better finishes -- both from the pole (45 in 296 starts; only three wins from the P1) and for the season (he's never cracked the top five in points in eight full seasons).

Kasey Kahne wishes for ... the Fisher Price Power Wheels Barbie Ford Mustang, which is realistically detailed inside and out, from its pony grille with fog lamps, to its racy rear spoiler and everything in between. A pretend key activates engine sounds, light ups and revving dashboard gauges. The equalizer bars light up when tunes from the pretend radio play. It also features sporty Barbie styling, chrome wheels and accents, beeping horn sound and interior cup holders for real driving fun. Equipped with a battery charge indicator that lets users know when it's time to "refuel," an adjustable seat for growing kids, high-speed lock out for beginners and Power Lock brakes for additional security.

Ford. Drive One, Kasey!

Carl Edwards wishes for ... nothing -- except a healthy baby. We all wish that for Carl and Doc Kate, who eagerly await the bundle of joy, due sometime around Speedweeks.

(On a personal note, Raygan Swan returns from maternity leave on Jan. 1. I have no doubt the stories she will share about her first few months of motherhood will leave you LOL.)

Brian Vickers wishes for ... anonymity. Have you ever noticed that BV and the Lucky Charms leprechaun are never in the same place at the same time? Clark Kent has nothing on Vickers.

Brian France wishes for ... peace on earth and goodwill toward men, not to mention a race car fans will be happy with, a race without a "debris" caution that sets up a green-white-checkers finish -- shootout-style, no less! -- and any number of things that "ChaseHater1" rattles on about within the Comments section. (Yep, I read 'em all, CH1.)

Dale Earnhardt Jr. wishes for ... a top-12 points finish so he won't be a gratuitous addition to ridiculous year-end wish lists.

Danica Patrick wishes for ... Milka Duno to just go away. Once folks realize "Milk & Donuts" is a) as talented if not more and b) would also look great in a potato sack ... well, the jig might just be up for Mrs. Hospenthal.

Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.