Editor's note: No chocolate squirrels were harmed in the writing of this blog post. It is, however, illegal in nine countries. Yep, it's written with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.
Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention.
I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you to stop what you're doing and read this.
Pit crew, assemble!
There hasn't been confirmation yet if Danica Patrick used a conch shell to call her pit crew into action or not, but even if she did, they've done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.
We at NASCAR.com have been in a glass case of emotion all week in anticipation of 'Anchorman 2', the sequel to 2004's 'Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy', but by the beard of Zeus, it appears nobody is as excited about this as Patrick.
The Sprint Cup Series driver, set to open her second full-time season in NASCAR's premier series, spent Monday night with her team watching an advance screening of 'Anchorman 2'. Patrick, whose favorite movie is the original 'Anchorman', was joined by boyfriend and Sunoco Rookie of the Year Ricky Stenhouse Jr., crew chief Tony Gibson and his family and the majority of her No. 10 GoDaddy team for a night at the theatre courtesy of Paramount Pictures.
Patrick tweeted out a picture of herself dressed as Christina Applegate's character "Veronica Corningstone", sitting on a makeshift news set with faux versions of Will Ferrell's "Ron Burgundy", David Koechner's "Champ Kind", Paul Rudd's "Brian Fontana" and Steve Carrell's "Brick Tamland" taken from a bit she did for ESPN in 2010.
The costumes they wore look so authentic -- and certainly not bought at the toilet store -- it makes me wonder if they had to take out a meaty line of credit just to pay for them. If so, bravo for getting approved. Just the other day, the human torch was denied a bank loan.
Members of her team were also presented with Beats by Dre headphones as gifts. The headphones offer superior sound quality for music of all genres, but the audio really comes to life when listening to the smooth sizzle of a solo jazz flute.
You stay classy, Danica Patrick.