NASCAR photos that could also be Black Friday photos
By @nascarcasm | Wednesday, November 27, 2019
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Black Friday – the official beginning of holiday shopping season – combines two of our favorite pastimes, that being spending money and beating up complete strangers. What follows are a series of NASCAR photos which very accurately depict this joyous occasion.
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You standing outside Best Buy, talking to another shopper, realizing that you’re both there to buy the same thing and that once the doors open, you may shed the blood of the other. There are no friends on Black Friday. Only varying degrees of mortal enemy.
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That guy who has been sitting outside the store for six days, despite the elements. Not wind nor snow nor rain will prevent this man from getting that Keurig marked down 15 percent.
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No need to wait outside the store. It’s really cold outside. Just wait in your car in the parking lot.
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“When the doors open, that solar-powered beard trimmer with six settings you see right there in the window is mine. All mine. If you even make a break in the same direction as me so help me Tom Cruise I will beat you with this wad of Kohls’ Cash. DO YOU HEAR ME, JOY BOY?”
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“I will provide cover fire while you run to the housewares section. You have one objective – get that smoothie maker. Consider not the well-being of others. There is only us.”
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30 seconds after Walmart opens, the true nature of man is revealed.
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Outside the store, local TV news stations interview shoppers exiting the store once they stop bleeding.
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EMPLOYEE: “Security, please come to the sporting goods section, we’re having a situation with two dads.” SECURITY: “Copy. Are they fighting?” EMPLOYEE: “Not sure if you can really call it that. Sort of, I guess?”
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When you find what you were looking for to give to that special person on Christmas morning but then you see the checkout line and have to decide how special that person really is to you.
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When several different shoppers arrive at the store and all see the same open parking spot.
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SHOPPER 1: “WELP, looks like the last iPhone 11 Max is in my hand. Better luck next time, pal…” SHOPPER 2: (A FIERY RAGE BOILS WITHIN, AND SOON, WAR.)
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When store security tells you that you can’t park in the “Expecting Mother” parking spot despite your pleas of “BUT I’M EXPECTING MY MOTHER TOMORROW BECAUSE HER AND DAD ARE COMING OVER.”
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And just like that, Black Friday is over before you realized it, and you missed all the deals.
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When everyone else is assaulting each other and you’re hanging back because something called Cyber Monday exists.