@nascarcasm Beefdown: Checking in on NASCAR driver feuds

Do you suddenly find yourself unable to keep track of which drivers are mad at each other? So are we. That’s why we put together this helpful guide of recent driver beefs. Are they still mad at each other, or has the beef expired? Read it quick before two more drivers start beefing with each other.

This feud is strange. I guess they don’t like each other, but no real words have been exchanged because it’s a feud largely fueled by a silent treatment on both sides. They don’t want to talk to each other or be around each other. So I guess in a way, it’s a feud that’s uneventful from a fan perspective, but very much appreciated by their PR people and track security. I mean, they don’t ever have to worry about separating these two.

It’s not over. Not by a long shot. Kevin Harvick won’t let a battle end like that – not with a brake lockup that sent him careening into the wall. That would be like two UFC fighters that hate each other jumping into the octagon and then one of them punching himself in the face and being like “OK, we good.”

We’re still waiting for the next round of this feud, which developed at Bristol Motor Speedway in September. Matt Mills hurled a water bottle at Spencer’s car, and then waited another lap to give him the middle finger. We haven’t heard of anything since, except for a possible backup-quarterback job for the Detroit Lions for Matt.

So these guys are never going to ride a tandem bicycle together through the park on a sunny summer day, but we’re in a current period of idleness, where nothing all that severe has happened to re-stoke the fire. Sometimes, two people can merely exist in an agreed-upon state of dislike, just like myself and my neighbor, who doesn’t appreciate the giant chainsaw bear sculpture I keep on my front porch. Not my fault you can’t appreciate art, clown.

There is no end in sight for this blood feud between Jeffrey Earnhardt and his arch nemesis, the giant catfish. So long as he can draw a breath, Jeffrey will noodle these behemoths out of whatever underwater hiding place they’re seeking cover. I mean if he wants a greater challenge, instead of wrestling a giant aqua-beast out of a hole underwater, he could try getting a teenager out of bed before noon on a Saturday or something.

It’s not Matt who is feuding with the announcers – it’s merely his last name. For years, his last name has been a multisyllabic thorn in the side of all who wield a microphone. “Matt DiBenedo,” Matt DiBendeneddo, “Matt BiDenebo” are commonly heard throughout broadcasts. It’s better as of late – we’ve noticed them slowing down when they get to Matt’s name in order to increase the chance of a proper pronunciation. The one time Bowyer got it right, he collapsed to the ground like he’d finished driving the Roval with no power steering.

I wouldn’t expect much out of this one, which popped up during our previous visit to Bristol Motor Speedway. It never elevated past the level of “Heated Discussion.” There were no ice-cold fist-bump refusals like Myatt did to Noah Gragson that one time at Las Vegas. These are both relatively peaceful guys. It’s not Jeb that Myatt would have to worry about – it’s his dad releasing some sort of 18-foot demon snake into his race car. Ward would laugh while you scream in terror, telling those around him, “Oh don’t worray, iz hahmluss.”

These two banged fenders at Richmond Raceway, with Josh Williams getting fairly irate on his radio. But here’s the catch – it’s impossible to be mad at Dale Earnhardt Jr. for more than a few minutes. He’s too damn nice and disarming, and he wields a lot of influence in our sport. You could walk up to him and get directly in his face with a salvo of profanity and he’d be like “I-ight…I’d like to have you on my podcast” and then you’d go from spitting nails to “OH…when you want me to be there?” To date, the only way to get sustained anger out of Dale is to give him a poor seller rating on eBay.

This was a one-time incident at Indianapolis. Denny walked all the way down to Chase’s car after the race and they just talked. They probably didn’t even need to talk. Denny probably just wanted to close one of the exercise rings on his Apple Watch.