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@nascarcasm: If drivers had $1 million
By @nascarcasm | Friday, May 20, 2022
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If you suddenly found yourself with $1 million, what would you do with it? I’ve thought about it, and none of the options are necessarily charitable or noble. But one driver will win a cool million at the NASCAR All-Star Race on Sunday, so let’s guess what they might do with their sudden windfall, shall we?
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AJ would probably purchase some high-end bath towels monogrammed with his name on them. Looking at his last name and assuming they charge by the letter, $1 million would probably get you a set of four and maybe a washcloth.
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Aric would likely sock it away for later. He’s a responsible fellow, and knows that money will come in handy down the road, whether it be for his kids’ college educations, or to feed his insatiable ham addiction once he’s no longer running a Smithfield car every weekend.
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Probably nothing. He’d just realize that years ago when he said to himself, “My lord, if I had a dollar for every time a girl asked me to be their prom date on Twitter … ” he now suddenly does.
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Two possibilities. The first, a brand new, high-end, state of the art, $1 million iRacing rig on which he’ll still forget to install updates. The second, he places all of it in an interest-bearing Ally bank account, after explaining to them that he just “backed into some money.”
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He’d move back home to Indiana. By our math, that amount of money will get him 1/30th of his team owner’s house.
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He’d take it in cash and save it for the next time his car isn’t set up properly and someone puts a swear jar in his pit box.
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Legos. Literally $1 million worth of Legos. If this happens and you’re at his place, do NOT walk around barefoot. Walking on the surface of our sun would be less painful.
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Ross would take the $1 million in cash to the club, but he would introduce an alternative to the standard “making it rain” which incorporates his victory celebration – he would instead throw the $1 million on the ground and then eat a couple $100 bills.
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A shopping spree at the Big & Tall Star Wars Costume Cosplay store the likes of which you’ve never seen in this galaxy or the next.
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Chase would splurge for the priciest meal that the Dawsonville Pool Room has on the menu. No idea what he’d do with the other $999,997.50.
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Someone, somewhere will yell, “Hey Hamlin …” Denny will then turn to them and say, “I will for real give you $1 million if you don’t tell me you like my PJs.”
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First thing's first – come up with a reasonable counter-argument when he comes home and Keelan greets him with “HEY DADDY MONEYBAGS – LET’S DISCUSS AN ALLOWANCE BOOST, SHALL WE?”
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Farewell, chrome number on the side of the car. Hello, SOLID GOLD DIAMOND ENCRUSTED NUMBERS ON THE SIDE OF THE CAR.
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We like to think that Kyle would set the money aside to do something fun during the time of year when he isn’t racing. Which come to think of it is never. Nevermind. No idea.
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