@nascarcasm: Other ride swaps Jimmie Johnson should consider
By @nascarcasm | Tuesday, November 27, 2018
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Jimmie Johnson found the ultimate excuse to leave the United States when it starts to get cold -- heading to Bahrain for a ride swap with F1 superstar and champion Fernando Alonso. With the help of McLaren, Jimmie was able to kick the tires ... I mean, tyres ... on an F1 car. The event was a success, and therefore, we'd like Jimmie to consider these other ride swaps in the future.
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NHRA Funny Car swap with John Force -- Jimmie Johnson is known for his calm, relaxed demeanor. John Force is known for basically being Gary Busey piloting 7,000 horsepower. The man has an IV drip of energy drink. The juxtaposition would be great. Can Jimmie handle 330 mph? Does John Force have the attention span to drive a car for longer than four seconds?
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American Pharoah -- Don't even act like you wouldn't want to take the formidable race horse around the track for a few miles, or furlongs, or how ever they measure distance. Plus his jockey would probably love to drive the No. 48, so long as you put enough phone books on the seat or how ever you solve the whole can't-see-over-the-dashboard issue.
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Gravedigger -- Every race car driver secretly wishes for this one. To drive over other cars ON PURPOSE. Wanton destruction. Like a Big One at Talladega but you meant to do it and emerge from the carnage TRIUMPHANT.
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The Golf Cart Upon Which He Injured Himself That One Time -- The individual who was driving the golf cart the time you thought surfing on top of it was a good idea until you fell off of it and broke your wrist deserves a few laps in the No. 48 just for going along with it, Jimmie. That's a good friend.
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A Drivers' Education Vehicle -- Allow an instructor to take his students out on the road in the No. 48 for their drivers' test. It's not street legal but who cares. Imagine the hilarity when the instructor tells the student to turn on his directional and the confused student tries to find it. And if the student gets in an accident, he's got five minutes to fix it and get back out there.
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A luge -- Before you do this, Jimmie, you need to pack on a few pounds. You're in too good of shape. You'll need to shift your weight around to help maneuver the sled. And you'll have to swap the fire suit for one of those spandex body suits.
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Ostrich Racing -- It looks kind of scary but remember they cannot fly. They're just nasty birds. It doesn't even have to be a planned thing. Just roll up to a farm in your No. 48 car and be like, "You get my race car if I get your ostrich," a sentence that has never been spoken in history.
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Sidecar racing -- Jimmie, you're a brave and adventurous soul, so I'm sure you'd … what's that? "NOT AN ICE SCULPTURE OF A CHICKEN’S CHANCE IN HELL?" Well OK then.