@nascarcasm: Why dogs should be mandatory in Victory Lane
By @nascarcasm | Thursday, October 14, 2021
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Dogs already should be required participants in Victory Lane festivities. But they aren’t for some reason. Let’s fix that.
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Victory Lane is a place for celebration and joy. It’s where a driver and his team congregate after winning a race to revel in their on-track success. There’s champagne. There’s high-fiving. And there should be dogs. Dogs should absolutely have to be there. In fact, they should be everywhere, but for right now, we’re discussing Victory Lane only.
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First off, a dog’s love is uncondtional. They’re affectionate, furry oafs that will never let you down. They are oblivious to the circumstances – they just want to jump on you and receive many scratches. A creature that wonderful, innocent and loving should be rewarded with a trip to Victory Lane on a weekly basis. It doesn’t matter if you just won a huge race or simply walked back in the door after getting the mail – you’ll return to an equal amount of dog happiness.
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Also, dogs make any photo better. Look at that dog. This photo is exponentially better than a picture without a dog. In today’s vanity-driven culture, people think they need to use FaceTune, a swimsuit, or golden-hour lighting in order to get attention on Instagram. No you don’t. Just put a dog in the photo. A dog is good for at least 600 automatic likes. In fact, no one will even care that you’re in the photo.
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Furthermore, dogs have helped us through unprecedented times. COVID-sniffing dogs were used at race tracks throughout the season to help us manage the pandemic. Therefore, they should be rewarded and pose in every Victory Lane photo. Yes, a dog can smell COVID. They can smell pregnancy, because of the body’s hormonal changes. They can smell diabetes, because of the change in glucose levels. These are not jokes. The following statements are true. Dogs – better than humans in so many ways.
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Also, if they’re good enough to drive our virtual race cars, then they’re certainly good enough to hang out in Victory Lane, right Alex Bowman? By the way, even the dog knows to update the iRacing software sooner than two minutes before the green flag.
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And look – they can help promote the partners! LOOK AT THAT VERY GOOD BOY IN THE DOORDASH HAT. That should happen after every race. Your eye will immediately be drawn to the happy dog in the sponsor hat. Dogs in hats are always great. But draw the line there, please. Once you’re doing full Halloween costumes on your dog, pump the brakes.
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And can you imagine the amount of delightful fun they could have with confetti? Do you think you know happiness? Clearly you’ve never watched an insane dog try and decide which of the six million small pieces of paper floating through the air he wants to chase.
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Let’s not forget one big characteristic of Victory Lane – it’s, well, kind of a mess. There’s cans and confetti and champagne and beer everywhere on the floor. It’s only fair that dogs – also known for creating messes – be allowed to join in the fun. They would love creating a mess for which they are not admonished with a deep “BAD DOG.” But while the beer and champagne is being sprayed everywhere, it’s important someone also spray something that dogs love. Like gravy or something.
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And the final reason that dogs should be mandatory in Victory Lane? Because they’re dogs, and dogs can make a bad day better, and a great day even greater. If you own a dog, it should be mandatory that you bring that silly floofball to Victory Lane so that your victory can be that much better, and we can look at your dog and feel happier. Dogs love you. Dogs don’t judge. Dogs want to be your friend. And I just described the exact opposite of a cat.