@nascarcasm’s Kentucky Speedway travelogue
By @nascarcasm | Monday, July 15, 2019
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Hello! I drove down to Kentucky Speedway for the race Saturday and filled up my camera roll while I was there. Join me, will you not, for a few of the good ones!
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The drive from Indianapolis to Kentucky Speedway is picturesque and bucolic. You travel through lots of areas John Mellencamp probably sang about. The highlight is a town where a tree is growing out of a courthouse. I’m sure there’s a story there.
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And we made it! To save time, I didn’t include all the pictures I took driving through Indiana. Here’s what you missed: corn.
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The tunnel that runs from the grandstands to the infield is throwing off some serious “Stranger Things” vibes. Anyone who finished season three will understand.
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If you’re a nut-based sponsor, whether actual or metaphorical, you set up your sponsor activation in Kentucky Speedway’s apparent nuts-only sponsor area.
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Didn’t know if I should tell Chris Buescher one of his nuts was hanging out.
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Did you know? To enter the infield at Kentucky Speedway, you go in the right nostril.
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When you drive this, you don’t even need an infield parking pass. You just park it wherever the hell you want, and whoever’s spot that is thanks you for forcing him to park elsewhere.
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NEW FOR 2019: When cars that failed inspection are rolled to the grid, we all ring bells and shout “SHAME!” like it’s a “Game Of Thrones” walk of atonement.
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When Derrike Cope walks, he is given a 50-yard-diameter buffer zone of respect.
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Always great to see the infield full of fans! (Hey, know what? Don’t include this one. WAIT, why is this one on the website?)
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As I’ve worked in NASCAR for several years now, I get VIP priority seating in the drivers’ meeting.
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I managed to get the greatest picture of Paul Menard ever. It’s this one, where he looks like he’s ordering at Arby’s and doesn’t know the menu on the right side is the same as the menu on the left side.
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Matt DiBenedetto, and the hardest working sleeves in NASCAR.
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During driver intros, there are handles suctioned to the rear window of the trucks the drivers hold onto as they get driven around the track. This is a big and overly informative buildup just to tell you Denny Hamlin broke it.
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Sometimes Ryan Blaney and Ricky Stenhouse Jr. like to hang out and have excellent hair together.
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When Jimmie Johnson and Paul Menard hang out, it resembles an actor hanging out with his stunt double.
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After the Spencer Boyd-Natalie Decker incident in the truck race, many drivers also partook in the fun-filled activity of just taking someone else’s hat.
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INDUSTRY SECRET: Between intros and the invocation, many drivers make a quick restroom run. So if you just hide in one of the port-o-lets on pit road, you’re bound to score an autograph or two.
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“If you make a ‘I Got The Horses On The Track’ joke, then I swear on Seabiscuit’s grave you’ll get manure in your pit stall. DO. NOT. TRY ME.”
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This dalmatian at the track did not win the race. But it did manage to pick up several spots. OH STOP GROANING – YOU TRY THINKING OF SOMETHING BETTER.
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Not since “Friends,” when Jennifer Aniston for some reason chose him despite the fact Joey Tribbiani would be so much better for her, has someone named Ross overachieved so greatly.
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The jukeboxes given to the winners come pre-loaded with Prince, Elton John and Huey Lewis. As far as the '80s go, this is like the Big 3.
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So apparently I felt the need to take this photo.
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Finally met Matt DiBenedetto. His handshake crushed every bone in my hand, and then he challenged me to a push-up contest. Everything you think about him is absolutely true.
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OK, so forgive me for being naïve but apparently Chris Buescher was NOT in this suit all day. To be fair, no one told me, I just assumed.
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When you didn’t actually do any of the work on the group project but your name’s on it anyway.
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Denny Hamlin bringing it down penalty road.
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The No. 37 had to bring it back in because looks like they missed a nut! OK, I’m done apologizing.
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So after careful research, it appears Victory Lane at Kentucky Speedway does have a very slight downward slope. This partially explains Cole Custer’s tumble but doesn’t make it any less hilarious.
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So if you’re ever at the track and I say, “Let’s get a good spot in Victory Lane with maybe 15 laps to go,” NEVER LISTEN TO ME BECAUSE YOUR PICTURE OF THE EPIC RACE FINISH WILL LOOK LIKE THIS.
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OK, camera – at LEAST give me a really good picture of Kurt Busch celebrating in Victory Lane… OH NAILED IT.