@nascarcasm’s Random Power Rankings: Crew chief edition
By @nascarcasm | Tuesday, December 4, 2018
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TONY GIBSON -- Tony Gibson filled in on the No. 4 team for a pair of races this year JUST to snag the No. 1 spot on this list again. Jumped in with little to no warning and got Harvick to the championship race. Yeah, we know he was just a sub, but we'll fanboy this guy and not feel bad about it. The man embodies the hardcore, take-no-prisoners style we want in a crew chief. Other crew chiefs want to be him. He wears a fire suit to protect fire from himself. He once removed his own appendix while atop the pit box with three minutes still left on the crash clock. Forever and always No. 1 in our hearts and on this list.
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COLE PEARN -- Cole Pearn has a mysterious Canadian-warlock element about him. He seems to know something others don't. He always looks like he just saw someone that he really doesn't want to talk to and hopes doesn't see him. He always has a trick up his tiny, tiny sleeve.
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RODNEY CHILDERS -- Childers is the perfect complement to Kevin Harvick's sometimes fiery demeanor. They have a shot to win at pretty much every track, assuming Rodney is there and something didn't happen for which NASCAR takes the credit. Always willing to lend a hand, even if it's to raise the hood of the No. 4 car to show a disappointed Dikembe Mutombo that 3-inch Kevin Harvick is not in fact an actual being.
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ADAM STEVENS -- Spending years as Kyle Busch's crew chief not only allows you to collect many wins, but it also makes you unafraid to do things. For instance, strolling right into another team's pit box and pointing a bony finger into the sternum of a guy who looks like he wrestles bears in his spare time. Stevens is a human honey badger.
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TODD GORDON -- He has to be on this list. He won the championship with Joey Logano this year, after a lackluster season in 2017. Defended Joey at Martinsville when Cole Pearn confronted him. Always makes sure Joey isn't in over his head. LOL. Look at the picture and this joke will elicit a loud and boisterous laugh.
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DANNY STOCKMAN -- Our rough criteria is not only based on wins and championships but also who has the stones to get his vape on atop the pit box, as well as who looks like the guy from Smashmouth.
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MIKE BUGAREWICZ -- He helped Clint Bowyer end his long winless streak with two victories in 2018, and I'm also including him in this list to humblebrag that I spelled his name right on the first try.
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PAUL WOLFE -- Since joining forces, Wolfe and Brad Keselowski have won at least one race every year they've been together. Plus Paul looks dapper in his crisp Penske Racing dress ahirt. Keselowski and the man who many southern-born announcers refer to as "Pawwoof" have many great years ahead of them.
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CHAD KNAUS -- Everyone is entitled to a bad year. We think Knaus will be a great asset to William Byron, once he stops referring to him as "Jimmie ... um, dammit, William I mean ..." on the radio.
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RUDY FUGLE -- Fugle is a force to be reckoned with in the Camping World Truck Series. Since 2013, he has collected 22 wins as crew chief, with drivers like Kyle Busch, William Byron and Christopher Bell. I don't think you're ready for Chris-Bell-y because he is so Rudy-licious. I don't know what that means, but whatever.