Random Power Rankings: Literally just car numbers in descending order
By Steve Luvender | Thursday, January 9, 2020
1 of 11
It’s early January, also known as the darkest depths of the NASCAR off-season. Still, the show must go on — and, like every week, we just have to rank something, even if it means we get so incredibly lazy we just rank cars by their numbers. We wouldn’t do that, would we? Well, sure we would! We have to pass the time somehow.
2 of 11
No. 10: The No. 10 car. Oh, hey, it’s Aric Almirola! This car is a 10 out of 10. Really.
3 of 11
No. 9: There goes the No. 9 car! Your ride’s leaving, Chase Elliott. Remember when this happened back when the playoffs were in full swing, just more than 100 days ago? Please come back soon, Charlotte Roval. Or any racing. It’s January.
4 of 11
No. 8: Car No. 8, driven at the time by Daniel Hemric, who’s now handing the keys over to Tyler Reddick. We really hope this key-hand-off happens soon because we’re really itching to get back to the track. And also because we want to see Tyler Reddick peddle some LARGE DOZERS.
5 of 11
No. 7: Well, the seventh car in our countdown would be Car No. 7, but here’s a little nugget: 2019 was the first year in NASCAR’s history no car bearing the No. 7 hit the track. J.J. Yeley was expected to race the No. 7 car in the 2019 Daytona 500, but never formally entered.
6 of 11
No. 6: Ryan Newman’s newly-unveiled bacon-covered Car No. 6, unsurprisingly, ranks No. 6 in our rankings, going head-to-head against Aric Almirola’s No. 10 meat machine. Maybe we can arrange some sort of bacon cook-off between Newman and Almirola — at least something to pass the time during this long, cold winter.
7 of 11
No. 5: “There’s no No. 5 car in the NASCAR Cup Series! How will you wriggle your way free of this snafu?,” you wonder. But, I’ve got you! Matt Mills drives the No. 5 car in the Xfinity Series, and I can make up whatever rules I want. Mills gets the spot on a technicality.
8 of 11
No. 4: Kevin Harvick’s No. 4 car is ranked fourth on the list, by obvious criteria. And if we ranked cars that contained the word “YEET” — which, at our current pace, seems not far outside the realm of possibility — we’d probably rank this one first.
9 of 11
No. 3: Richard Childress drove Dale Earnhardt’s famous No. 3 car around Talladega for some pace laps last fall — back when there was still racing and we could watch the cars and hear the sounds and feel the drama and drink the beer and CURSE THIS OFFSEASON! COME SWIFTLY, DAYTONA 500!
10 of 11
No. 2: Brad Keselowski’s No. 2 car is ranked No. 2. Of the two vehicles pictured, Brad’s car is the one in the front. Don’t mind the other vehicle trying to bump draft.
11 of 11
No. 1: Ah, finally, we’ve reached the end — No. 1! It’s so nice to see you, Kurt Busch. If only we reached the end of the offseason instead of this gallery, am I right? Only one more month until the Busch Clash (no, not the Kurt Busch Clash, but I can see where you’d be confused). We can do it together. Deep breaths. Pass the time arguing about trivial things on Twitter. Something. Racing will be back again soon.