Fill-in-the-blank: Folds of Honor QuikTrip 500

What a race!

It's ridiculousscaryuncomfortablejust plain silly how many drivers got busted for speeding on pit road Sunday. Why don't they just go slowertry not to play games with the timing linesignore the black flagpush opponent cars so they're speeding, too ?

The biggestleast surprisingmost unfortunatemost unexpected story, of course, was how Kyle LarsonKevin Harvick totally gave the race away after being in position to winwinning the first two race stagesI got this tattoo in celebration of a sure-fire winspeeding on pit roadlosing the race late at Daytona, too . I thought for sure that Kyle LarsonKevin Harvicktire strategyRichard Petty himself was going to triumph in the end, but I'm not upset with Brad Keselowski winningHarvick leading the pointsClint Bowyer's performanceseeing Cole Whitt in playoff contention ! Kyle LarsonKevin HarvickDale Earnhardt Jr.Chase ElliottJeff GordonDarrell Waltrip is such a good drivermillennialbright future starterrific commentator that I don't even care that he's not locked into the playoffsJeffrey Earnhardt is only 5 points behind Dale Jr.Gray Gaulding's engine blewDale Jr. won't retweet me for my birthdaybees are dying at an alarming rate .

Now, it sounds like Atlanta Motor SpeedwayRichard Childress RacingKevin Harvickthe No. 47 teamthe No. 22 teamevery driver is having second thoughts about repaving that worn-out surfacehow to install car batteriespit road speedhow to tighten lugnuts . I certainly hope that's the casethat's not the caseNASCAR steps inI'm rightDale Jr. wins the next 34 racesthings changenothing changes , at least.

For the second race in a row, Kyle Larson nearly wonKevin Harvick won Stage 2Kevin Harvick led the most lapsa Ford scored the victoryStewart-Haas Racing performed wellJoe Gibbs Racing drivers struggled . If I were in that position, I would have won the race instead of Brad Keselowskitried harder to win the raceswitched my team to Ford, tootried to lead more lapsflown the American flag for 500 miles, not just on the Victory Lapspun out because I'm not a race car driver . Time will only tell what happens next, when NASCAR Goes WestHarvick goes for his third consecutive Stage 2 winI apply for JTG Daugherty Racing's likely new tire changer positionFord goes for three in a rowRCR reverses its battery strategyAustin Dillon finally makes it to pit road after losing battery powerJamie McMurray tries to pass the entire field on a restartI get arrested for calling 911 to Kevin Harvick's house because I said he was chokingtry to talk my way out of a speeding ticket by blaming pit road timing linesI let another shopper in front of me in line at the Target checkout .