Dear Overlords of the Almighty Playoff Roval:
This week’s 2018 schedule reveal came with a few twists and turns. And yes, that's a Pulitzer-worthy setup for the next paragraph.
Next year's playoffs will feature a race on the Charlotte Motor Speedway road course (see previous paragraph for spectacular pun), and, quite frankly, we're as excited as Dale Earnhardt Jr. festering in a kiddie pool full of mayonnaise and brisket. Drivers will be turning left and right at Charlotte Motor Speedway. And we're not referring to Trevor Bayne making a save so incredible on the front stretch that he almost says "Damn!"
We mean the road course.
Road courses have a certain international je ne sais quoi to them, because instead of an oval with corners 1-4 (we know, Pocono Raceway has only three, but they never read our stuff because they're probably too busy spreading groundhog repellent), they have several corners, kinks, and straightaways that can be given a cool name.
Daytona has the "International Horseshoe." Watkins Glen has "The Boot." Road America has "Canada Corner."
Here's where our plea comes in.
We (this is the "royal 'we,'" of course) would like to be responsible for naming/labeling each of the areas of the Charlotte Motor Speedway road course. You can totally trust us with this. We have until Fall of 2018 to get this done.
Each corner will have its own unique cachet. Do you want announcers saying "There goes Jimmie Johnson through Turn Five and into Turn Six and through Turn Seven." That’s boring. What you want is our creativity spicing up that broadcast. "There goes Jimmie Johnson through Kannapolis Kink and OH! He almost loses it through Corner McCornerface." Help us help you.
Ideally, we'd name the whole course, but we're willing to compromise. Perhaps we'll ask for input from the fans. Maybe we'll look up an arcane term on UrbanDictionary.com. All to be determined. If you're down, we can get to work and even come up with one of those fancy hashtags for this campaign.
If you are not enthusiastic about this idea, we'll do the professional thing -- and continue to pester you and eventually wear you down until you have no choice.
Let's make magic.
Regards,
@NASCARCASM