@nascarcasm: Can we send race tracks some cardboard cutouts?
Dear race tracks,
Hi, it’s me, the annoying guy from the internet.
I don’t want to take up too much of your time, but I have a small favor to ask.
I realize that over the course of the past few months, I have accomplished nothing. That’s where you come in.
You’ve likely seen the current trend where stadiums place cardboard standups of individuals in some of the seats that are required to stay vacant. Dover International Speedway took the leap for its recent doubleheader, too.
You probably see where this is going.
What I’m looking for is just one of you to volunteer to make my dream come true. To make me feel like I really accomplished something these past few months. Again, I’ve accomplished nothing. I am an empty husk of a man, who has only worn sweatpants and hoodies for six months. I am a walking tragedy. I’ve made one bar of soap last four months.
Therefore, my co-worker Steve Luvender and I would like to send a few cardboard stand-ups to your race track and for you to place them in a few of the seats that will be easily seen on TV. In order for this to succeed, we MUST get Rick Allen to emit his famous chuckle.
What will the stand-ups be? Just a few of our frequently used images on Twitter. The ones we’ve overused and beaten into smithereens. Below is a schematic we’ve thrown together.
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