@nascarcasm reviews Renovation Realities: Dale Jr. & Amy, Episode 3

“Dale And Amy: Renovation Realities” Episode 3 on the DIY Network! – IT BECOMES CLEAR THAT THE HOUSE WAS ONCE BASICALLY A TWO-STORY LITTERBOX FOR CATS. ALSO, MORE SHIPLAP. With every episode, it's become apparent that this house either once belonged to the official Crazy Cat Lady of Key West. Or maybe it was the other way around -- maybe there were so many cats in there that they owned a lady. Either way, the amount of cat waste they find every episode is a feat unto itself. Tear a wall board away -- CAT WASTE. Open a cupboard -- CAT WASTE. Hell I think Dale might have found some in the pocket of his cargo shorts at one point. But we need a reality series down the road on the day that the cats of Key West, livid that this highfalutin’ ginger done come into their two-story cat commune and claimed eminent domain, exact revenge. RELATED: Recap of Episode 1 | Episode 2 FIRST SEGMENT

• They notice the railing on the staircase is way too short. The best way to determine ifyour railing is too short for the average person is for JR Motorsports drivers Tyler Reddick and Justin Allgaier to come by and tell you, "Looks fine to me."
• Ooooooooooo termites. This house has hit for the vermin cycle -- termites, maggots, rats and scorpions. GOD I wish they'd have Denny Hamlin over. I bet he's scared crapless of all those things. Picture a deleted scene of Denny dashing Forrest-Gump style out of the house and down U.S. 1.
• Dale Jr. sure does sweat profusely. Like, all the way through the shirt. Prayers up to anyone who owns a race-worn firesuit of his.
• HAAAAAAAAA a rat. Amy shrieks like I assume Dale does when she chases him around the house with metal earrings.
• It appears that Amy is wearing ripped jeans. Don’t know if it occurred during demolition or if it’s just her being fashionable. I mean I wouldn't wear ripped jeans TO a demolition. But Dale's wearing shorts. As someone who once badly lacerated his ankle with a weed-eater, this just causes concern for me.
• They just threw out a perfectly good toilet. I mean maybe it didn't work and maybe it reeked of mildew and bilge water but at least take that home and create a new toilet graveyard on your property next to all the wrecked cars.
• MORE cat crap. Somewhere on the island a bunch of cats are pissed off to no end that some damn ginger has commandeered their giant two-story litterbox.

SECOND SEGMENT

• They're now discussing the foreman of the project, Ron. Calls him "The Richard Petty of building houses." Which is a huge coincidence considering Richard Petty has been known for years as "The Ron The Foreman of NASCAR."
• Dale does NOT go with Amy to the tile store. Very nice of her to not make him go. Awesome. He needs to marry that girl.
• TILES HAVE BEEN SELECTED. They're nice. I can't go into much more detail. I don't know anything about tile. When a couple is working on a home-improvement project, there are battles worth fighting, and then there are "Sure, hon" items. This is one of them.
• Amy says she's gonna put Dale to work when they get home, building a dollhouse or a swing set for the little one. Who needs a swing set or a dollhouse when you have rust-covered car carcasses to play in?
• OH MAN they’re gonna hang drywall. Amy says "We have no clue what we're doing." TAKIN' A BIG SWING AT THE SETUP HERE. OH DAMMIT, COMMERCIAL. DRYWALL CLIFFHANGER.

THIRD SEGMENT

• OH Dale's rocking the tool belt now. That's like a rite of passage like earning a black belt in karate.
• Dale says working with drywall reminds him of fabricating metal for cars. Really? Have you ever gotten really mad and punched a hole through sheet metal? No. That's why drywall rules.
• "I want to be busy, even if I’m not doing it right." Quote of the show by Dale. Take notice, Mr. Foreman. That’s his philosophy. Be like “OK Dale what I need you to do today is walk down the street and look for four-leaf clovers while Amy and I work.”
• AWWWWWWWWWW SHIPLAP IS BACK. This house is like 40 percent shiplap. Still not sure what it is but it's a fun word to say. #PuttinUpThatThereShiplap
• They left a couple of time capsules in the wall -- a toy car with a note and a coconut bra. So years from now if someone renovates this house, they'll find those. Pretty awesome. God I hope they're discovered. And whoever finds them thinks they both belong to Dale.

FOURTH SEGMENT

• They are putting in a pedestal bathtub and put the legs on wrong. Bring it back in Dale, they put the right sides on the left and the left sides on the right.
• Is it too much schadenfreude to wish they hadn't noticed the mistake. Just picture someone soaking in that tub and it flips over dumping gallons of water and its inhabitant out on the floor.
• Oh man Dale saying "Nyull post" is giving my life force a boost.
• Design-wise they seem to be paying homage to its previous look by using some of the original wood and doors in the renovation, but they have yet to re-use a single cat turd, which I find disrespectful.