@nascarcasm reviews Renovation Realities: Dale Jr. & Amy, Episode 4

Sadly, it was the last episode, but it was not without controversy. The word “LANAI” has become a wedge issue. Amy uses it all the time. But Dale is opposed to it. It gets pretty heated. Like, Amy’s allowed to use it because she’s a professional interior decorator, I guess. But can you picture Dale saying “lanai?" The likelihood of that is equal with that of him filling the pool with jewelry and doing a cannonball. FIRST SEGMENT • BACKYARD TIME. Can’t wait to see what they put back there. Probably a smaller Old West town. Oh man I hope they got approval from the town council or whatever. RELATED: Recap of Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 • They have Dale operating heavy machinery now. An excavator. Tearing out an old cistern. A cistern is a structure that was once used for collecting rainwater. Based on the 2018 season, they now have a new name -- “race track.” • Dale broke the excavator. Hydraulic line popped right off. For those who once saw him yank the steering wheel off of his race car, this is not a surprise. • YES, Dale agrees that “lanai” is a dumb word. HEAR HEAR, DALE. It’s a porch. It will always be a porch. If Dale ever actually says, “Hey imma go grab me a cold one and go hang out on the lanai,” I will eat my own leg. SECOND SEGMENT • Amy mentions how because she (at the time of filming) was pregnant, she was unable to climb any ladders. That is PERFECT timing. Not only are you blessed with a lovely new addition to your family, but you also get out of having to do stuff. No lie -- I once scheduled a hernia repair for one week before we moved into a new house just so I wouldn’t be able to lift anything over five pounds. Hey, furrow your brow all you want, IT WORKED. • Amy’s still calling it a “lanai.” Come on. Let’s stop that. • ACTUAL EXCHANGE DURING CONCRETE MIXING -- DALE: “This ho sucks.” AMY: “Don’t blame it on the ho.” That’s like blaming the car instead of yourself. That’s my new ringtone. Oh my gosh send this clip to the Smithsonian for safe keeping. • Look at Mason Dale go! As in, he’s actually doing concrete work. Not a Mason as he knows where the National Treasure is kept. • They’re framing the pool now. But they tore out the cistern to do this. I mean just pour water into the cistern. You’d save so much money. But NO, we can’t do no cement pond. We gotta have a pool because we use words like “LANAI” now. THIRD SEGMENT • MORE SHIPLAP. The shiplappiest show ever. • HA, one guy asks Dale why he isn’t wearing hearing protection while cutting bricks with a miter saw. Dale informs him that he’s a race car driver. ROASTED, GUY. • Every time Dale operates a dangerous power tool without cutting off a finger, we scream “DALE YEAH!” in this household. • DAMMIT, Dale said “lanai” again. Every time that happens a small portion of my soul dies. • He’s operating a circular saw now on a piece of granite. He’s creating a sink out of it, but I think he’s just taunting all the race teams that can’t use a circular saw anymore. FOURTH SEGMENT • YES, Dale reaffirms his opposition to the word “lanai.” STAY STRONG. RESIST. IT’S A DAMN PORCH. • MAN, this outdoor area that is not a “lanai” is lovely. • HAAAAA they’re looking at the pool. Dale says “Part of me wants to just dive in there and let that hit me in the head.” YEAH we’ve heard that story. Not unless you wanna wear a doo-rag on TV while calling a race, bro. • They have a bunch of people over to see the finished product, which is amazing. I’m assuming my invite got lost in the mail. Maybe blew off the mail truck heading up U.S. 1 or something. • Well it’s all done. Dale and Amy work well together and they have a fine house. I’m now checking Airbnb to see what they’re charging. Sounds like they enjoyed it, but they’re never, ever going to renovate another house ever again. I find this somewhat relatable except through their travails I’ve decided I’m never going to renovate a house in the first place. Maybe the DIY Network will let me have a show in which I don’t renovate a house.