| 1 |
2 |
 |
Ryan Newman |
He came thisclose to running into the Kenny Wallace/Jeff Burton accident. If he had, it would have been his fifth Derrike Cope (a DNF) of the year. |
| 2 |
1 |
 |
Jeff Gordon |
Greg Biffle called him “two-faced.” Gordon has immediately capitalized on this comment, signing deals to place both faces to appear in a television ad for Fritos. One face will be in the kitchen, while the other will mow the lawn. |
| 3 |
4 |
 |
Matt Kenseth |
He can coast to the title by finishing 14th every week. Which means he can go to his car owner, Mark Martin, for advice on finishing 14th every week. |
| 4 |
8 |
 |
Kevin Harvick |
He’s already on the phone, giving Jeff Gordon advice on how to manhandle Greg Biffle. |
| 5 |
3 |
 |
Bobby Labonte |
The secret to his success this year has been an improved qualifying program. His strategy is simple: Heavy rain on Fridays. |
| 6 |
10 |
 |
Jimmie Johnson |
He’s lobbying NASCAR to run the Bristol race on Sunday night so he won’t miss his high school reunion in California. Can’t blame him. He’s a freaking Winston Cup superstar, and the kid who picked on him in high school is hanging drywall. |
| 7 |
6 |
 |
Dale Earnhardt Jr. |
There is a new commercial where he wins a race at a track that looked a lot like Charlotte. For authenticity, the track should have looked a heck of a lot more like Daytona or Talladega. |
| 8 |
7 |
 |
Tony Stewart |
He and Rusty swapped paint a couple of times. Too bad they can’t swap wins. |
| 9 |
5 |
 |
Michael Waltrip |
He spun out Chrisitian Fittipaldi at Loudon. It was a rough week for Fittipaldi. Fittipaldi’s still in European mode, though. The team told him they’d meet him in Loudon, and he showed up at Heathrow Airport. |
| 10 |
13 |
 |
Jeff Burton |
He stopped all the Burton-to-BAM rumors with another great run at Loudon. |
| 11 |
14 |
 |
Robby Gordon |
He’s 14th in the standings, but second in the standings if you only include drivers whose sponsors are based in Atlanta. |
| 12 |
9 |
 |
Jeremy Mayfield |
Two of his three Winston Cup wins have come at Pocono. Which means he didn’t get to celebrate at a nice restaurant after two of his three wins. |
| 13 |
11 |
 |
Terry Labonte |
Do you realize he has 13 straight top-25 finishes? And you know what we’ll do next week -- if he finishes 26th at Pocono, then we’ll say that the man has reeled off an incredible streak of 14 straight top-26 finishes. |
| 14 |
12 |
 |
Kurt Busch |
This guy has been nowhere to be found since his win at Michigan. Wait. The same applies to Dale Jarrett, too. |
| 15 |
17 |
 |
Mark Martin |
Do you think he’s the one who sends all that spam email that promises his sponsor’s product for “only pennies a day?” So do we. |
| 16 |
21 |
 |
Greg Biffle |
He actually won his case when he was called to the NASCAR hauler to explain his actions. No truth to the rumor that Biffle will now enter law school and become two-faced. |
| 17 |
15 |
 |
Sterling Marlin |
Start working from home, dude. Maybe your luck will change. |
| 18 |
18 |
 |
Rusty Wallace |
At one point in the broadcast on Sunday, Bill Weber actually said that Rusty Wallace had “80 straight wins.” Rusty was so pumped up by this comment that he immediately announced his retirement. |
| 19 |
16 |
 |
Elliott Sadler |
This team can either reside in Harvickboro or Nemechekville. The next six races will be the key. |
| 20 |
19 |
 |
Bill Elliott |
He failed to win at Loudon for the 17th straight time, which is a real shame, because listening to Elliott give a post-race interview to a bunch of New Englanders ranks high on the must-hear-before-you-die list. |
| 21 |
22 |
 |
Ricky Rudd |
On TV, they said that The Wood Brothers have finally started to figure out what Rudd wants in a race car. Which means they just now figured out that Rudd couldn’t reach the pedals from where Elliott Sadler sat. |
| 22 |
20 |
 |
Jamie McMurray |
He did a good job of running with a damaged car, which is better than Bristol, when he damaged a good running car. |
| 23 |
25 |
 |
Dale Jarrett |
He finally got around that pesky Kenny Wallace for 28th in the standings. Before they throw a party, hopefully they will realize that the milestone was achieved only because Wallace’s tire failed at Loudon. |
| 24 |
NR |
 |
Jimmy Spencer |
It would have been really funny to see an Andretti-Spencer fight. It would have been like James Madison taking on William Howard Taft. |
| 25 |
NR |
 |
Ricky Craven |
He’ll win at Loudon before the Boston Red Sox win a World Series, which means that Craven will probably win at Loudon for the first time when he’s 55. |
