| 1 |
1 |
 |
Matt Kenseth |
Whoa, he really punted McMurray there in the closing laps. Obviously, he got McMurray and Johnny Sauter mixed up. |
| 2 |
2 |
 |
Dale Earnhardt Jr. |
We actually saw this line in a story in a major newspaper on Sunday: “Earnhardt spun the car because all eight lug nuts on his left rear tire were missing.” Eight lug nuts? Did they simply store three extras on the side of the wheel somewhere? |
| 3 |
5 |
 |
Ryan Newman |
Three Bud Poles in six races. Which means he’s on pace for 18 Bud Poles. At this rate, the Bud Shootout will have about nine starters in 2004. And you know that Geoffrey Bodine and Ken Schrader will be two of them. |
| 4 |
7 |
 |
Kurt Busch |
Oh man, the boos rained down from the stands at Bristol. But they couldn’t have been halfway as loud as the ones coming from Jimmy Spencer’s house. |
| 5 |
4 |
 |
Tony Stewart |
His results have declined for three straight weeks, barely beating his other streak of two weeks, which is how many weeks in a row he’s bumped someone out of the way. |
| 6 |
6 |
 |
Jimmie Johnson |
He’s one of six drivers to eclipse the $1 million mark in earnings already. The team probably takes half that. So you’re down to $500,000 already. Taxes take half of that. Property taxes, car insurance, food, utilities, mortgage, health insurance, 401k, Social Security, dental. You’re left with $977, or enough for a Broadway show and a soda. |
| 7 |
8 |
 |
Jamie McMurray |
So he got Kenseth back by punting him at the entrance to pit road. And you know NASCAR will probably fine him for that. To save time and a stamp, McMurray should have just given them his Visa card number over the radio. |
| 8 |
9 |
 |
Jeff Gordon |
So he forgot the rules and ran around the entire track really slow before pitting under green. Of course, that was his explanation. We think he just wanted to see what it was like to be field filler. |
| 9 |
14 |
 |
Kevin Harvick |
Aggressiveness makes him tough to beat on the three short tracks in the series. |
| 10 |
3 |
 |
Kasey Kahne |
He wrecked early, which sucked. But at least he missed the awful Bristol traffic. We’re assuming he does not have a helicopter yet. Trust us, rookie, the traffic’s bad there. You’ll find out just how bad if you finish on the lead lap in the night race. |
| 11 |
11 |
 |
Elliott Sadler |
His car has such a bad push at Bristol that he ran half of the race in Virginia and the other half in Tennessee. |
| 12 |
18 |
 |
Rusty Wallace |
Dude, you got to punt him harder than that. If this was football, that would have been a 21-yard kick. |
| 13 |
19 |
 |
Sterling Marlin |
Average finish before he became a grandfather: 18.75. Average finish since: 9. |
| 14 |
10 |
 |
Bobby Labonte |
At Bristol, he was sponsored by a pill that treats depression. Which probably came in handy after his good run was ruined on that Lap 101 crash. |
| 15 |
12 |
 |
Jeremy Mayfield |
Nice turnaround. He hasn’t been out of the top 25 all year. In 2003, he was out of the top 25 in one-third (12 of 36) of the races. Obviously, the 93 Octane commercial was bad luck. |
| 16 |
13 |
 |
Dale Jarrett |
So he’s going to play golf with Phil Mickelson and Wayne Gretzky. We see a pattern here. Gretzky wore No. 99, Jarrett drives No. 88, and Mickelson shoots 77 in major tournaments. |
| 17 |
17 |
 |
Greg Biffle |
He leads the Nextel Cup Series in 12th-place finishes (three) and 12th-place finish-to-races ratio (.50). |
| 18 |
16 |
 |
Mark Martin |
He had the quote of the week: “We did everything not too good today.” |
| 19 |
15 |
 |
Casey Mears |
He’s going for a ride in a Fuji blimp on Thursday at Texas. Did you know those things only go 40 mph? Or, basically, Jeff Gordon’s speed for a full lap before a green-flag stop at Bristol? |
| 20 |
24 |
 |
Scott Wimmer |
Man, did you see his car after the race? That is why we love Bristol. He finished 13th – on the lead lap – and his car looked like it had been cheese-grated. |
| 21 |
22 |
 |
Terry Labonte |
The 17th through 24th streak continued at Bristol with an 18th-place finish. He now has six straight finishes of 17th through 24th. |
| 22 |
23 |
 |
Robby Gordon |
He runs well on race day, but lack of qualifying power on Friday is holding him back. |
| 23 |
NR |
 |
Michael Waltrip |
His season was going so bad that Dominos was about to start offering free Cheesy Dots for a top-30 finish. |
| 24 |
25 |
 |
Johnny Sauter |
Stat that might surprise/shock/startle/stun you: He’s completed 99 percent of his laps. |
| 25 |
NR |
 |
Ken Schrader |
He cost $7 on our fantasy team and he finished sixth. We haven’t seen value like that since Watkins Glen, when Scott Pruett cost 18 cents. |
