| 1 |
4 |
 |
Jeff Gordon |
So his car was hit by a bottle after the finish on Fontana. That was a heck of a throw all the way from Alabama. |
| 2 |
2 |
 |
Jimmie Johnson |
He’s got to love how the race tracks mispronounce his hometown’s name. “From L-Cah-Jone (El Cajon) California, Jimmie Johnson!” |
| 3 |
1 |
 |
Dale Earnhardt Jr. |
He was named one of People Magazine’s 50 Most Beautiful People, barely beating out his crew chief, Tony Eury Sr. |
| 4 |
3 |
 |
Kurt Busch |
He will be the first to tell you that he’s not that good at Richmond. And with Jimmy Spencer back for this short track, it won’t get any easier. |
| 5 |
6 |
 |
Ryan Newman |
He hasn't seen his regular Friday Bud Pole in a month. If you see it, you're asked to call a toll-free number. It should be considered armed and dangerous. If you see this award, do not try to approach it. |
| 6 |
5 |
 |
Matt Kenseth |
He’s a big supporter of the Kyle Petty Charity Ride. Last year, he won the thing when he got a quick pit stop with two states to go. |
| 7 |
7 |
 |
Kevin Harvick |
He was featured a lot on the new FX reality show, and it’s pretty funny. The only thing that would make it funnier was if he had a Kurt Busch punching bag in the garage. |
| 8 |
10 |
 |
Jamie McMurray |
So that was him hanging out at the CMA Awards. He bumped into Toby Keith backstage, but thankfully, McMurray wasn’t injured. |
| 9 |
11 |
 |
Bobby Labonte |
Bobby, sorry you ran out of gas at Fontana. With gas reaching $2.50 a gallon in California, your team didn’t want to use any more than necessary. |
| 10 |
12 |
 |
Kasey Kahne |
He ran out of gas at Fontana. Which sucked. But he might have done it on purpose. Maybe he was just trying to avoid the inevitable question from the media, “So Kasey, bet you’re sick of finishing second, eh?” |
| 11 |
8 |
 |
Tony Stewart |
Not sure why, but after Fontana, but a line from Days of Thunder seems to be in order: “Go out there and hit the pace car!” “What for?” “Because you’ve hit everything else out there!” |
| 12 |
8 |
 |
Rusty Wallace |
So he’s going to do something to Tony’s finger? Isn’t Tony having a hard enough time steering the car? |
| 13 |
14 |
 |
Mark Martin |
It’s been neatly two years since he won. Pretty soon he’ll have to go to Rusty Wallace for media-related-losing-streak-dealings advice. |
| 14 |
16 |
 |
Robby Gordon |
Average finish before Silly Season rumors began: 23.4. Average Finish since: 15.6. Which basically means Robby should kick back half of his winnings to Jayski. |
| 15 |
17 |
 |
Greg Biffle |
Things keep breaking on his race cars. Which makes him pretty mad. We will give the first TV reporter $100 to say, “We’re here in the garage with Greg Biffle. Biffle, we know your axle broke, but it’s OK, because you had Subway for lunch, right?” |
| 16 |
15 |
 |
Sterling Marlin |
His home state of Tennessee finally has a lottery. They should use Sterling as a spokesman. “If the ticket scratch good, you could be a winner!” |
| 17 |
20 |
 |
Jeremy Mayfield |
He was on the cover of a home improvement magazine. What’s next? Buzzcut Digest? |
| 18 |
13 |
 |
Elliott Sadler |
Average finish after the Texas win: 11.4 Since: 20.6. |
| 19 |
19 |
 |
Dale Jarrett |
It would probably more realistic if they showed commercials where Dale explained that he didn’t want to unload packages during the summer at the local UPS facility. |
| 20 |
18 |
 |
Michael Waltrip |
So we read that Kerry Earnhardt was pretty mad at Waltrip for his actions at Talladega. Maybe Kerry was mad that he didn’t get to drive the ol’ Aarons Dream Machine. |
| 21 |
NR |
 |
Brendan Gaughan |
He burned his butt at Fontana because his seat got hot. Good thing that didn’t happen during his years at Georgetown, because it would have been physically painful to be a bench-warming college basketball player. |
| 22 |
24 |
 |
Casey Mears |
After what happened at Fontana, he ought to crash his primary car every week. But that would get expensive. He’d have to win the Tennessee lottery. |
| 23 |
22 |
 |
Jeff Burton |
It’s just a hunch, but he’s probably wanting to get ahead of Johnny Sauter in the points in the worst way. |
| 24 |
25 |
 |
Ken Schrader |
He was also on the Kyle Petty Charity Ride. He rode on a motorcycle, but he also drove a Late Model stock car, a Southwest Tour car and an old Winston West car. |
| 25 |
NR |
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Ward Burton |
So they auctioned off all the items in the Netzero commercial for charity. Good thing Ward wasn't the auctioneer. It would still be going on. |
