| 1 |
3 |
 |
Kurt Busch |
He is actually going Thursday to his old middle school for an event sponsored by Sharpie. Which means some teacher will be stopping him in the hall wanting to know what the hell he is doing out of class. |
| 2 |
4 |
 |
Jimmie Johnson |
Report: Jimmie Johnson photographed without sunglasses. |
| 3 |
6 |
 |
Mark Martin |
We hope he wins again at Las Vegas, because he’s about half the height of those showgirls, and those Victory Lane pictures are a hoot. |
| 4 |
2 |
 |
Jeff Gordon |
Report: Jeff Gordon photographed without Jimmie Johnson. |
| 5 |
15 |
 |
Greg Biffle |
He predicted he would be leading on Lap 5 at Fontana, which was pretty impressive. Then again, he also predicted there would be a Michael Waltrip commercial before Lap 5 at Fontana. |
| 6 |
14 |
 |
Kevin Harvick |
He admitted that he contracted Montezuma's Revenge in Mexico, which didn’t make him too Happy. |
| 7 |
9 |
 |
Jamie McMurray |
Dude, you're getting blonder every week. Soon your hair is going to be whiter than Mark Martin's. |
| 8 |
1 |
 |
Tony Stewart |
You know, Tony, for 63, Martha Stewart ain’t half-bad looking. And she wouldn’t even have to change her last name if y’all got married. The boys back at the shop would love her cookies. |
| 9 |
8 |
 |
Elliott Sadler |
Most of the Busch drivers only needed one translator in Mexico City -- one to translate Spanish to English. Sadler required two -- one to translate Spanish to English and then one to translate English into Sadlerish. |
| 10 |
5 |
 |
Dale Earnhardt Jr. |
He is taking his Fontana car to Vegas, which might be the most questionable decision since Vin Diesel signed on to star in The Pacifier. |
| 11 |
12 |
 |
Rusty Wallace |
He has two top-10s in a row, which is something he hasn’t done since September. But there’s a lot of things he hasn’t done in a year, like talk to Newman or conduct an interview without the word “retire” being mentioned. |
| 12 |
8 |
 |
Ryan Newman |
He is making a side trip to Hoover Dam on Thursday with his crew chief, where they plan on finding a way to circle it in under 28.80 seconds. |
| 13 |
18 |
 |
Matt Kenseth |
We are starting to think the robot commercial is a jinx, since you haven’t won since it aired. I mean, you have to look at all the angles. |
| 14 |
11 |
 |
Dale Jarrett |
He’s got two consecutive top-15 finishes, which is just something the media likes to say to be positive, but what that really means is that he’s got two finishes between 11th and 15th. |
| 15 |
10 |
 |
Kasey Kahne |
He’s going to be on NASCAR Drivers 360 this year, replacing his teammate, Jeremy Mayfield -- mainly because Mayfield’s dogs asked for too much money. |
| 16 |
20 |
 |
Sterling Marlin |
He actually hung out with Johnny Knoxville from Jackass at Fontana. What in the world did those two talk about? Even though he is from Knoxville, we get the feeling that Johnny has probably lost all interest in Volunteers football. |
| 17 |
13 |
 |
Jeff Burton |
We know of a Jeff Burton fan who actually calls his wife “Kim” and demands that his wife call him “Jeff.” These are not people whose NASCAR addictions can be satisfied with mere diecasts. |
| 18 |
18 |
 |
Scott Riggs |
So far, it looks like keeping him around for a second year at MBV was a very smart call. Kind of like when Lindsay Lohan stopped returning her father’s calls. |
| 19 |
21 |
 |
Carl Edwards |
He spent Sunday morning separating his Busch Series crew chief from Robby Gordon. Pretty brave move by Edwards, considering those nice teeth could have been damaged. |
| 20 |
22 |
 |
Joe Nemechek |
Despite the fact that he’s run great this year, he’s $10 cheaper than Kasey Kahne and $30 cheaper than Jeff Gordon in fantasy racing costs. Clearly, prices are set merely by how many chicks you attract. |
| 21 |
NR |
 |
Jeremy Mayfield |
He admitted last week that he wore a T-shirt and jeans on Rodeo Drive the first time he visited Beverly Hills. He should have just worn his driver’s uniform; he would have looked out of place just as much. |
| 22 |
19 |
 |
Bobby Labonte |
Here’s another thing -- you cost $36.29 in our fantasy league, while Mark Martin is only $33.62. Maybe they made a mistake and think the Atlanta race is this week. |
| 23 |
NR |
 |
Mike Bliss |
Two very good weeks for this team. You’re not helping the Ward Burton fans feel better, Mike. |
| 24 |
NR |
 |
Kyle Petty |
With an average finish of 25th, he likes Las Vegas about as much as a postal worker enjoys picking up those danged Netflix DVDs every day. |
| 25 |
24 |
 |
Michael Waltrip |
When the deal to swap crews and cars was announced at DEI, Waltrip said to himself, “Oh no! Now I get Junior’s Vegas car!” |
