| 1 |
1 |
 |
Jeff Gordon |
He's stolen all of Jimmie Johnson's momentum. |
| 2 |
2 |
 |
Greg Biffle |
Sterling’s bug-eyed dummy comment at Watkins Glen last year has been a bad deal for all the other drivers. Since the comment, Biffle has won five times. |
| 3 |
3 |
 |
Jimmie Johnson |
He was more perplexed that Michael Waltrip beat him in the Sexiest Driver Contest than he was over Dale Jr. calling him an “idiot.” |
| 4 |
6 |
 |
Dale Earnhardt Jr. |
He said he’s been having a hard time reaching the gas pedals this year because all his cars were made for Michael Waltrip, who is 6-foot-5. Which pretty much kills any chance of Bobby Hamilton Jr. doing any testing for DEI. |
| 5 |
5 |
 |
Tony Stewart |
If he doesn’t shave soon, he’s going to have a beard like the one Sylvester Stallone had in Rocky IV. Speaking of which, Clint Bowyer looks a lot like Ivan Drago. |
| 6 |
5 |
 |
Elliott Sadler |
Sadler loves Virginia races because the fans can understand every word he says. |
| 7 |
4 |
 |
Kurt Busch |
His master plan on regaining his surly ways was foiled when TV failed to show his tirade at Darlington. |
| 8 |
13 |
 |
Jamie McMurray |
He likes night racing. Mainly because he can sunbathe during the day. |
| 9 |
8 |
 |
Kevin Harvick |
He will be in Washington, D.C. on Thursday to give driving tips to motorists. We’re not kidding. Robby Gordon was going to go too, but he failed to qualify. |
| 10 |
9 |
 |
Mark Martin |
Hey, saw you on TV a lot the last few days. You are that Vladimir Putin dude. |
| 11 |
10 |
 |
Jeff Burton |
He was on some show called One Tree Hill on the WB. See, that is why Burton is so smart. He appeared on a show that is shown on the WB, mainly so no one could see it back home in Virginia. Clearly, he saw the flack Casey Mears got for appearing on Days of Our Lives. |
| 12 |
12 |
 |
Carl Edwards |
One of these years, Carl Edwards will sit down with his grandchildren and lovingly tell them about the first time Jeff Gordon ever spun him out. |
| 13 |
15 |
 |
Ryan Newman |
We can only imagine how loud Rusty chuckled when everyone pitted behind Newman on Saturday night. |
| 14 |
11 |
 |
Michael Waltrip |
His momma told him "not to say anything if he doesn't have anything nice to say," but clearly, she never told him to avoid going out and wrecking poor Jeff Green. |
| 15 |
20 |
 |
Kyle Busch |
Man, that race ended at like 11:30 p.m. on Saturday night. Which was much too late for Kyle to make it to his prom. |
| 16 |
14 |
 |
Rusty Wallace |
He was on the Tony Danza Show on Monday. It would have a been a lot funnier if he was on Dr. Phil with Ryan Newman, talking out their feelings. |
| 17 |
19 |
 |
Jeremy Mayfield |
Don’t ever run a yellow car again. |
| 18 |
18 |
 |
Kasey Kahne |
Aw man. Kasey Kahne has got a haircut like Casey Mears’. The next thing you know, Kahne will have Mears selling Avon door-to-door. |
| 19 |
19 |
 |
Dale Jarrett |
He is promoting the “Herbie: Fully Loaded” car this weekend. We hope Lindsey Lohan comes to the track this weekend. Without a coat. |
| 20 |
NR |
 |
Ricky Rudd |
He’s actually got more points in the last six races than Carl Edwards. But a lot less shiny teeth. |
| 21 |
22 |
 |
Matt Kenseth |
He wasn’t in FOX’s Sexiest Driver Poll. Neither was Scott Wimmer. Which means FOX has a clear Wisconsin bias. |
| 22 |
19 |
 |
Sterling Marlin |
Done blowed up |
| 23 |
NR |
 |
Ken Schrader |
Report: Schrader interviewed |
| 24 |
NR |
 |
Brian Vickers |
Just a hunch, but we think Vickers is about to start becoming much more consistent. |
| 25 |
NR |
 |
Bobby Labonte |
Boniva is his sponsor for Richmond, and it’s a pill for the treatment of postmenopausal osteoporosis. Which are two words you won’t hear LarryMac saying this weekend. But he will say “track temperature.” |
