@nascarcasm remakes movies so Hollywood can finally stop

By @nascarcasm

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Instead of producing original movies, Hollywood seems to be barfing out remakes of films that were already made -- 'Independence Day,' “Ghostbusters,” “Footloose,” “Robocop,” etc. This doesn't bode well for the future. Imagine 25 years down the road when a studio executive decides to reintroduce the world to Paul Blart.

Still, this steady string of remakes got us thinking, how could we remake films with a NASCAR flavor?

The Shawshank Redemption

In a mesmerizing tale of the human spirit, Andy Dufresne, portrayed by Clint Bowyer, crawls through a river of sewage to escape his current contract and hides in Mexico until 2016 ends.

Three Men and a Baby

Starring Hendrick Motorsports. Not so much a comedy as it is a documentary.

White Men Can't Jump

Starring Denny Hamlin. In this remake, the ACL injury proves that they can’t.

The Fast and the Furious

Except instead of street racing they’re all trying to pull alongside Kyle Busch to get their merchandise autographed.

Cast Away

Still with Tom Hanks, but re-cast Wilson as a different inanimate object that never responds to him.

The Matrix

This remake tells a tale of a dystopian future in which humans exist in a simulated reality powered by rogue, self-aware digital dashboards.

Titanic

To add a true NASCAR twist, the spotter warns the driver of trouble up ahead, the ship strikes it anyway and then everyone blames the spotter.

Home Alone

Young Kevin McCallister, portrayed by Ryan Newman, is forced to defend his home from pesky burglars after Dale Earnhardt Jr. forgets to fly him to Michigan International Speedway.

High Noon

Gary Cooper plays Will Kane, the sheriff of what he thinks is a small western town in New Mexico. His world is turned upside down when Gus runs up and starts humping his leg ... and he realizes he’s been on Dale Jr.’s property all along.

Rudy

Jimmie Johnson plays Rudy Ruettiger -- an undersized kid who dreams of playing football at Notre Dame. After enduring crippling hardship and self-doubt, he finally enters a game. The team then goes on to win five straight championships and everyone gets mad at Rudy.

The Hunt for Red October

Reports indicate Russian submarine captain Marko Ramius may be defecting to the United States. But he’s not; the reports are actually false. The submarine media then attack each other on Twitter.