Random Power Rankings: Road-course ringers

This week we head to Circuit of the Americas (Sun., 2:30 p.m. ET, FS1) for the first time, so it seemed a good time to arbitrarily rank drivers of a bygone era – the Road-Course Ringers. These road-course aces were called into duty a couple times a year back in the day to manage the left and right turns, before full-time drivers became so good at road courses that the practice pretty much became extinct. Here we go.

We have a sample size of one but we have high hopes for this guy.

Carpentier is a solid dude and a solid racer. He made this list solely because after he was dumped by Steven Wallace in the 2011 Xfinity Series race in Montreal, he hopped out of the car and went and sat in the stands and then retired. Alpha move right there. OH, but he came back and ran the race again in 2012, in order to benefit a children’s hospital. Also an alpha move.

Yes, THAT Scott Pruett – he whose sports-car trophy case resembles Kyle Busch’s Xfinity Series trophy case – was a ringer for a time in the early 2000s, in both the Cup Series and Xfinity Series. Everyone loves Scott Pruett, so he’s on the list. He’s now retired, which has allowed him to say hello to his family at home while he’s actually at home, which is probably weird.

Sure, his NASCAR ringer results are nothing to write home about, but he drove the “Straight Outta Compton” car in 2016 in the Xfinity Series event at Watkins Glen and for me that shoots you all the way up to No. 7. That movie ruled, so therefore, Drissi rules by association. My list, my rules.

Alex Tagliani AKA “Tony Stark” was most recently full-time in the NASCAR Pinty’s Series, but he’s also been quite the iron man during his turns in the Xfinity Series … get it? Iron Man? Look at his beard. He looks JUST like … oh hell, never mind. Between 2009 and 2016, he ran eight Xfinity races and won the pole in four of them. He nearly had the win at Mid-Ohio in 2015 but Regan Smith was unfortunately incredibly mean that day and won it himself. Seriously … OK, does he NOT look like Robert Downey Jr. in “Iron Man?” Help me out here.

Lally’s sports-car achievements are too numerous to list. Just check Wikipedia. He’s won so many Rolexes that he needs to grow a third wrist. He’s also the 2011 NASCAR Cup Series Rookie of the Year and as of late, doing a solid job of nabbing top-10 finishes in his stints on Xfinity Series road-course races. He’s also the first vegan ninja on record. That’s an embellishment, but he is vegan, and trains steadily in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Eat a burger in front of him, we dare you.

Justin was always a steady hand in the car. He assumed his road-course duties with great skill, even winning the Xfinity Series race at Mid-Ohio in 2016. He’s another interesting fellow who, when he’s not racing, enjoys scaling 300,000-foot mountains and posting on social media while doing so. I had no idea mountains had such good WiFi. Wonder what he's up to these days?

Ron Fellows has done a LOT in his racing career. He’s won the Rolex 24, 24 Hours of LeMans, the 12 Hours of Sebring, four Xfinity Series races and two Camping World Truck Series races. And not only is he a road-course ace, he’s a respected mentor who owns his own performance driving schools. Plus, let’s not ignore that he resembles a younger Harry Dean Stanton.

Jacques is No. 2 on the list because of his road-course prowess, but also because of all the long-lasting friendships he made on track during his NASCAR ringer stints. The man was universally beloved among his NASCAR competitors, whom he was a little more popular than getting rained out until Tuesday. He had several respectable finishes in NASCAR, and his accolades in other series are unquestionable. Plus, whenever he was coming up to the bumper of the car in front of him, you watched like it was Jaws approaching an unsuspecting swimmer. I love Jacques because I love fun.

They only possible choice for the No. 1 spot. Yes, we know he has only one NASCAR win, that being in 2010 in an Xfinity Series race in Montreal, but Boris is like the Grand Poobah of road-course ringers. He was like everyone’s favorite tall, birds-nest-haired uncle that showed up to visit a few times a year, before hanging up the helmet in 2017. And shoutout to that helmet – it had one hell of a dude perm to protect. Plus, Boris scared Greg Biffle into eventual retirement. RESPECT BORIS, Y’ALL SCAREDY CATS.