@nascarcasm: If Jimmie Johnson misses the playoffs I will …

Jimmie Johnson will absolutely make the playoffs and @nascarcasm is willing to bet on it.

Let’s just toss a bucket of cold water on the idea that Jimmie Johnson will miss the playoffs this year. He will. He's Jimmie Johnson. He's a perfectly groomed legend capable of overcoming adversity. I am so confident he will make the playoffs, that if he does not, I will shed my few remaining shreds of dignity by doing one of the following things, and allow all of you Johnson-doubters to choose.

… I will purchase a custom magnet reading this, and drive around my hometown of Indianapolis with it on the side of my car for one full day.

… because we will be there, I will take a picture of myself hugging my beloved Indianapolis Motor Speedway pagoda, in a shirt reading “I HEART PAGODA LIKE FAT KID LOVES CAKE.”

… I will switch my Twitter bio to this quote from 1999’s hit romantic comedy "Notting Hill" starring Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts.

… order this custom-made dude romper and wear it to Ford Championship Weekend at Homestead-Miami Speedway.

… I will go to Cameo.com and hire Gilbert Gottfried to send an inspirational video message to Jimmie, possibly mentioning that it's all because he did that marathon training.

So there you have it. Tweet me at @nascarcasm and let me know which one you would like me to do. Even though it doesn't matter, because I’ll be doing none of these. Jimmie will make the playoffs. Bank on it. And if he doesn't ... well, I just ask my editor to delete this entire piece. But, like, I won't have to.