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How will NASCAR Throwback Weekend look in 20 years' time? Who will be driving? What will the broadcast look like? Let us now take a glimpse into the future and answer those questions ...
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MIKE JOY: Hello, and welcome to Darlington Raceway and South Carolina Municipal Spaceport. I'm Mike Joy, joined as always by Jeff Gordon and Clint Bowyer, who now can use advanced age for his excuse for forgetting everything. Before we begin I'd like to thank the Harrison Burton Center For Never Visibly Aging for my appearance. That said, it's Throwback Weekend!
CLINT: It sure is, Max.
CLINT: It sure is, Max.
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MIKE JOY: It's the weekend we pay homage to NASCAR's illustrious past. Many teams have placed retro paint schemes on their race cars, which will shortly be beamed down to the track from this 40-car space transporter generously donated by Elon Musk. Let's go down to MikeyBot 2041 for the Grid Hover.
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MIKEYBOT 2041: Hi guys, I'm levitatin' 'ere with Cash Bowyer who is runnin' a scheme that honors his pops -- Cash, how's your car today?
CASH BOWYER: Well we thought we had the right setup earlier this week, but then we time-traveled to this weekend and we were way off so we went back to earlier this week and changed some things. Just gotta thank the guys, gals, cyborgs and sentient robots back at the shop.
CASH BOWYER: Well we thought we had the right setup earlier this week, but then we time-traveled to this weekend and we were way off so we went back to earlier this week and changed some things. Just gotta thank the guys, gals, cyborgs and sentient robots back at the shop.
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MIKEYBOT 2041: Here's 2040 champion Isla Earnhardt with a throwback to one of her famous dad's schemes! What do you expect today, Isla?
ISLA EARNHARDT: It's cool that we're gonna honor our past by driving all three stages, instead of our usual driving the first then activating the flying-car function for stages two and three. But yeah, honoring dad, who's right back there. We got him an iRacing setup installed on the chair that moves him up and down the stairs. But excited to get this Hellman's Mayonnaise with Electrolytes Camaro into Victory Lane today. It's the only mayonnaise for rehydration.
ISLA EARNHARDT: It's cool that we're gonna honor our past by driving all three stages, instead of our usual driving the first then activating the flying-car function for stages two and three. But yeah, honoring dad, who's right back there. We got him an iRacing setup installed on the chair that moves him up and down the stairs. But excited to get this Hellman's Mayonnaise with Electrolytes Camaro into Victory Lane today. It's the only mayonnaise for rehydration.
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MIKE JOY: To show you what three full stages on the tires can do, let's bring in a hologram projection from the FOX Sports studios of Larry McReynolds, who is on his 21st straight year of grinding down this tire. Larry, you gotta be tired.
CLINT BOWYER: HOT DAMN LOOK AT LARRY
CLINT BOWYER: HOT DAMN LOOK AT LARRY
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MIKEYBOT 2041: We're here with last week's winner Keelan Harvick -- Keelan, this is a sharp-looking throwback to one of your dad's old paint schemes! We're understanding you're not 100 percent?
KEELAN HARVICK: Yeah, hurt my back picking up my dad and placing him in the race car to drive him to Victory Lane last week. Should be OK, but if not, I got a backup driver on standby -- now that human cloning is widely permitted, it's me.
KEELAN HARVICK: Yeah, hurt my back picking up my dad and placing him in the race car to drive him to Victory Lane last week. Should be OK, but if not, I got a backup driver on standby -- now that human cloning is widely permitted, it's me.
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MIKE JOY: Now we hate to say it but there IS weather in the area. But thankfully our throwback festivities will not be affected by the rain thanks to our agreement with the Kurillian Alien People, who kindly park one of their battle cruisers over the facility so that no rain hits the track. Now, the possibility does exist that they decide to use their giant battle laser to destroy Earth, but you really don't like rainouts so that's a risk we’re willing to take.
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MIKE JOY: So we were about to go to Mikeybot 2014 and Taylor Hamlin but we understand that there's been an incident. You'd think that a fully developed sentient robot would know how to handle a taco, but I guess technology has its limits. Ugh. Taylor, we know you have a knack for turning things off suddenly, so go right ahead.
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MIKE JOY: Now as promised, we bring you Ryan Blaney, who will take this occasion to surprise the oldest surviving member of his Female Fan Club, Agnes Merrybatch, and her cat Ryan. Agnes, can you hear us? Agnes? AGNES ...
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MIKEYBOT 2014: And now we're here with William Byron's son, who is running a ... OK sorry, I'm being told that this is still actually William Byron.
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MIKEYBOT 2014: Let's have a quick word with Brexton Busch, who has already won four times this season. Brexton, tell us about this throwback scheme!
BREXTON BUSCH: I'm throwing back to one of my dad's M&M's schemes -- he's always been my biggest supporter. It's always great to have him in Victory Lane when I win, although it's getting harder and harder to throw him up in the air. BTW, he finally told me yesterday what "KFB" means. Oh my GOD.
BREXTON BUSCH: I'm throwing back to one of my dad's M&M's schemes -- he's always been my biggest supporter. It's always great to have him in Victory Lane when I win, although it's getting harder and harder to throw him up in the air. BTW, he finally told me yesterday what "KFB" means. Oh my GOD.
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And before we drop the green flag, it's time for one of the greatest racing traditions -- half the field sets their cars to "hover" and performs the legendary "Two-High Salute To The Fans." My, what a sight.