@nascarcasm: The NASCAR Altercation Severity Scale

Here’s the multi-tiered scale @nascarcasm uses to gauge each run-in, confrontation and fracas on track.

A fight is not just a fight. Especially in NASCAR. They come in many different forms and occur with many different levels of intensity. We here at NASCAR use a special, 10-tiered scale to classify each one. Here it is, with a few examples.

A Level-10 doesn’t occur in person. It occurs electronically. There is no in-person interaction, because what’s the fun in awesome footage of a pit-road fight when you can tweet each other nasty things? Or in the case of Bell/Larson, it’s when the text was sent and the perceived insincerity of the apology. These fights are not exciting. I mean, who can forget the time the Allison brothers sent a scathing subtweet about Cale Yarborough?

The Level-9 is an in-person interaction where voices raise above normal conversational levels, but that’s about it. No punches are thrown. Take Denny Hamlin and Chase Elliott, for instance. His voice got a little high, but that’s about it. These are typically the ones where we all run down pit road behind the scorned driver expecting hands to be thrown, but instead, they break out the tea and scones and have a civilized discussion. LAAAAAAAME.

Level-8 confrontations occur when a physical altercation is close, but doesn’t actually happen. It’s like the thunderstorm watch of fights. Conditions are favorable, but it might not actually happen. A prime example of this is Carl Edwards doing the old “MADE YOU FLINCH” move on Matt Kenseth at Martinsville. It also helps one of the participants is rocking dope cargo shorts like Carl.

NOW we’re getting somewhere. In a Level-7, there is actual physical contact. But not actual punches, per se. It’s more of a slap-fight/”Boys, stop fighting over who gets to lick the bowl” situation. The Jeff vs. Jeff throwdown is a prime example of this. It’s clear physical harm may have been intended, but when it came to actually administering said harm, there was no plan. It was just “IMMA THROW THE SPIDER-MONKEY HANDS” basically.

“Wait – this is Level-6?!” you’re probably wondering. “It’s like Clint downed six bottles 5-Hour Energy before karate class – how can this be Level-6?” It’s because only one of the participants is actually outside of the car. Plus, his helmet is still on. These are the punch-through-the-window fights. They’re funnier than they are painful. Picture a UFC fight where, like, Brock Lesnar has to sit in his car the whole time. Good? No. Hilarious? Signs point to yes.

A Level-5 is an outside-the-car, in-person attack that is generally one-sided. They are quick but memorable. You all remember this example that mimicked backstage footage at “WWE Raw.” MATT CAME IN LIKE A WREEEEEECKING BALL.

This is a Level-4 confrontation. All Level-4 confrontations begin with a condescending shoulder slap, escalate into a scrum with many team members and officials and then conclude with one driver doing a good impression of the other. There has only been one Level-4 in the history of NASCAR.

CONTACT. In a Level-3 altercation, one driver walks a long way down pit road in order to throw a punch at another driver, and the punch has to land, and there has to be blood. A prime example of this is the time at Las Vegas when Kyle Busch closed an entire exercise ring on his Apple Watch before clocking Joey Logano.

A Level-2 may or may not have punches thrown, but what it DOES have is approximately 300 participants. It’s not so much a fight as it is a mosh pit at a Slipknot show. There’s aggression, screaming and a bunch of people who weren’t mad at each other 10 minutes ago but are suddenly mortal enemies. Picture the doors swinging open at Target at midnight on Black Friday.

Behold, the Level-1. A classic, driver-vs.-driver on-track bout of fisticuffs for all the world to see. It’s more of a hockey fight, where the officials let the participants throw hands for a while because they know content like this absolutely cleans up on the internet. The longer the fight, the better. Hell, Spencer Gallagher and John Wes Townley could still be rolling down the banking to this day.