@nascarcasm: 2023 season from A to Z

A is for Almirola, as in Aric Almirola, who announced he’ll be stepping away from the Cup Series in 2024. Having said this before, we estimate you can be about 90 percent sure this is actually going to happen this time.

B is for Buescher, as in Chris Buescher, the RFK Racing driver who had a breakout season in 2023, winning three races, and advancing all the way to the Round of 8 in the NASCAR Cup Series Playoffs. An incredible improvement for this driver from Prosper, Texas which by the way has a population of (Hey editor, please add the current updated population of Prosper, Texas here).

Editor's Note: The current population of Prosper, Texas is 37,746.

C is for Creed, as in Sheldon Creed. Usually when a breakup is this public, Taylor Swift writes a whole song about it.

D is for drone. This airborne beauty served as the choose mark during the Bristol Dirt Race. Gently it hovered, as cars chose left or right before restarts. Now that the Bristol Dirt Race is on hiatus, we won’t see it again any time soon, but we will never forget its warm glow.

E is for Elliott. Chase Elliott and the No. 9 team didn’t have the year they wanted on the track. Or the slopes for that matter. But expect them to be back to form in 2024 – rumor is Chase is scheduled to run full-time.

F is for Fontana. We’ll miss this 2-mile, worn-out behemoth immensely. In the immortal words of Tony Stewart following his throwdown with Joey Logano there  in 2013, "THANK YOU."

G is for Gisbergen, as in Shane van Gisbergen. A New Zealand-born Australian Supercars driver travels to the United States for a one-off appearance at NASCAR’s first-ever street-course race in Chicago which is shortened due to a biblical downpour and wins. It’s a tale as old as time.

H is for Hamlin. Say what you will about Denny Hamlin … and trust me, you have said a lottttttttt about Denny Hamlin this season, but he was the story. He raced hard, he ruffled the hell out of some feathers, he got into verbal spats, he started a podcast, he got himself and both of his 23XI Racing cars into the playoffs. Other drivers can chirp at him all they want – he knows they’ll be begging him for the Air Jordans hookup next season.

As in Michael Jordan. As if we have to tell you that. We’ll never tire of seeing His Airness out on the grid before the race, greeting his drivers and offering inspirational words to his team. Nor will we tire of pictures with him standing next to Tyler Reddick. THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE. Like Tyler Reddick himself, it’s one of the small joys in our life.

As in Kevin Harvick. The Closer. Happy Harvick. Mr. Where-Did-He-Come-From. The Cactus King. The Bakersfield Basher. We’re not only saying goodbye to this future hall-of-fame driver, but, like, 84 nicknames as well.

As in Corey LaJoie. In 2023, Corey became the 15th driver in NASCAR history to run an entire season without a DNF. That is an incredible feat. Imagine finishing every single tube of Chap Stick you buy. I know, impossible right? It’s like that.

As in Sam Mayer. The driver who had an absolute bust-out season in the Xfinity Series. He had four wins and made it all the way to the Championship 4. We expect more wins and JR Motorsports beer-bash celebrations in 2024, which he’ll finally be able to partake in as of June 26, instead of being that poor sap watching everyone swig ice-cold brews while he holds a Yoo-hoo.

It started as a weed-whacking job so that the track could be scanned for iRacing. It turned into a full renovation of the storied facilty that allowed us to run the 2023 All-Star Race there. What a welcome return. It was like the tree in "A Charlie Brown Christmas" — just needed a little love.

AKA "The Month of Christopher Bell." In the past two seasons, Bell has won three races in October, two of which earned him a spot in the Championship 4. When the calendar turns to October, he’s more excited than an influencer heading to a pumpkin patch.

He didn’t miss a single day of work.

As in Ryan Blaney — our 2023 NASCAR Cup Series champion and first Jedi to win a NASCAR title in the modern era.

2023 Xfinity Series champion Cole Custer’s victory celebrations are modeled after those of former WWE superstar and barley-and-hops-enjoyer "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, so the nickname works perfectly. After several hundred laps in a hot race car, we can think of no better way to rehydrate.

As in Martin Truex Jr., pictured here with the 2023 Regular Season Championship trophy. He won this at the regular-season finale at Daytona. Soon after, the playoffs started, so this may be the last time he smiled in 2023.

That’s where the track spent most of the morning on the day of the Chicago Street Race. But without much delay, they were impressively able to get it drained. Would you believe a day that started with a biblical flood ended with the race running most of its advertised distance? Well it happened, and everyone was thrilled, except maybe a couple stacks of tire barriers.

This was William Byron’s fashion statement in Victory Lane – a place he found himself quite often in 2023. Rick Hendrick and Jeff Gordon even donned one a few times. Very big hat – it’s the cousin of the giant-ass spoiler.

The Ben Rhodes championship press conference is a can’t-miss event. Ben’s already a gregarious fellow. Add a Craftsman Truck Series championship and a few tall cans of social lubricant and you have appointment viewing. Ben’s like a Christmas Tree – he is the centerpiece of a tremendous celebration, and he arrives pre-lit.

That was the "Star Wars" starfighter which was the inspiration for Bubba Wallace’s paint scheme at Phoenix. Bubba had another big year, qualifying for the playoffs for the first time in his career. More like Bubba Fett, am I right? Yeah only real "Star Wars" nuts will get that one, sorry.

Zane Smith announced he will be moving up to the Cup Series with Trackhouse Racing. The deal will have him spending one season at Spire Motorsports in 2024. We’re just grateful for Zane Smith because without him we’d be struggling to end this A-to-Z gallery. If he does nothing next year you can still be this gallery will end with a picture of Zane Smith. The caption may read simply "Zane Smith." Deal with it.