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Today’s race at Bristol (1 p.m. ET, FOX, PRN, SiriusXM NASCAR Radio) happens to fall during a workday. No worries. We’ve got you covered with a full index of ways to get out of your shift today, courtesy of @nascarcasm and Steve Luvender.
Here’s how @nascarcasm suggests getting out of work:
1. Tell your supervisor you’ll be taking all five of your lunch breaks for the week back-to-back at 1 p.m. ET.
2. Ask Landon Cassill how many retweets it will take for Landon to personally call your boss and inform him or her that you’ll be leaving around noon.
3. Claim you have jury duty. If your boss asks “What case?” do not yell “Ol’ Junebug vs. the World’s Fastest Half Mile! Wooooo!” While tempting, that’s a dead giveaway.
4. Just find an empty bathroom stall and hang out in there and follow the race on social media. This common practice is known as “shwittering.”
5. Tell your boss you have someone who will fill in for you while you’re watching the race. When your replacement shows up, explain to your boss that Alex Bowman is very skilled at Microsoft Excel.
6. Use the Jeff Gordon method. Say you’ve decided it’s time to retire, then just show up back to work the next day like it never happened.
And if you’re looking for excuses that technically aren’t untrue, Steve Luvender has your back.
– “I’m sick.”
Sick of not being able to watch the race while I’m working, that is.
– “There’s been a family hardship.”
Your family had to deal with you instead of watching the race yesterday afternoon. That might have been hard for them if they’re used to a few hours of peace and quiet.
– “I have an appointment.”
An appointment with the TV at approximately 1 p.m. ET, that is. (But don’t tell your boss that part.)
– “I’m having car problems.”
The problem is that you couldn’t watch race cars zoom around Bristol’s high banks.
– “I’m expecting a delivery to my house.”
While your boss might expect a major appliance being delivered to your house within a five-hour window, maybe you’re actually having a pizza or two delivered to your house around the end of Stage 1 or so. Technically not lying.
– “I’ve been arrested.”
Sometimes you have to get really creative. It’s not a good idea to pull out the “I’ve been arrested” card frequently, lest you arouse suspicion of your co-workers, but it’s not lying if you’ve been arrested by the allure of NASCAR.