@nascarcasm: 12 reasons to love Ryan Blaney
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Look, we know there are probably way more than 12 reasons, but that's his car number. So, for your offseason reading pleasure, here are 12 reasons to love Ryan Blaney, your 2023 NASCAR Cup Series champion.
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James Gilbert | Getty Images
He goes ALL IN on playoff beards. This isn't some half-throttle cultivation of a few whiskers here and there. By the end of the season he looks like a guy trying to conceal his own identity.
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Rainier Ehrhardt | Getty Images for NASCAR
Ryan's been at it for years. He has the quintessential racer's story -- started honing his craft at a ripe young age, and worked his way up gradually through the ranks. This championship was the well-deserved culmination of 25-some-odd years of hard work.
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Streeter Lecka | Getty Images
(Cues up "Family Affair" by Mary J. Blige)
Racing is in Ryan's DNA. His grandfather Lou and father Dave (pictured) were both successful racers, and Ryan's proudly carrying on the Blaney family legacy.
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Streeter Lecka | Getty Images for NASCAR
He's no journeyman. Blaney has been in the Team Penske pipeline for years, starting out at Brad Keselowski Racing in the Craftsman Truck Series, before moving up to the Xfinity Series and the Cup Series with The Captain. His loyalty to Roger Penske is noteworthy and, well, paid off nicely for him. I bet he was the first among his peers to learn how to starch and iron a dress shirt properly.
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Rainier Ehrhardt | Getty Images for NASCAR
He was a member of the vaunted 2013 NASCAR Next class. Look at this crew. There's three Cup Series Championships and two Xfinity Series championships in this photo, and I'd wager all the money in my 401K that many more will come. Please note that a photo caption is not a legally binding document.
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Jared C. Tilton | Getty Images
His face. He is your daughter's favorite driver for many reasons, but his face is several of them.
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Kevin C. Cox | Getty Images
He was one of the first drivers to begin giving the checkered flag to a young fan in the grandstands after a win. He's a benevolent soul who knows that he can give one of those young kids in the crowd a life-long memory, and also allow them to dominate the HELL out of show-and-tell the next day at school. I don't care what sort of trinket those other kids bring in -- they're about to get posterized.
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Chris Graythen | Getty Images
The Bubba Bromance. It's well-documented that Ryan and Bubba Wallace have been BFFs for years, but there's something existentially heartwarming about watching the two of them support one another, joke with one another, chirp at each other, and occasionally play death metal together. Most of my friends are imaginary so I can't relate.
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The "Star Wars" obsession. Ryan's dedication to the galaxy far, far away is intense, so much so that he sports a Darth Vader tattoo on his thigh. You can see it in the image on the far left -- the one where he's dressed as Princess Leia in the metal bikini for Halloween. Again, DEDICATED. They ain't got those at Party City, folks.
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He's hilarious. Whether it's TV or social media, you're dead inside if Ryan Blaney's antics haven't made you belly laugh at least once. He's more focused on having fun than maintaining an image, and we love the hell out of that. (See previous slide and metal bikini and what not.)
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Jared C. Tilton | Getty Images
He likes to win at Talladega by mere fractions of a second. Ryan Blaney is a three-time winner at Talladega ... but not by much. The three margins of victory are .007 seconds, .007 seconds and .012 seconds. That's amazing. He really did everyone a favor in his third win by being like "Oh, don't worry, I'm gonna win by almost TWICE as much as I usually do" so they could relax.
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Chris Graythen | Getty Images
He's now a NASCAR Cup Series champion. You probably know that, but all the aforementioned reasons prove that Ryan Blaney is a deserving champion that is worthy of your praise and adulation. We could not be happier for he and Team Penske. Neither can your daughter. (See slide No. 6)