The best official DNF reasons in NASCAR history
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Driver ill: I mean, you can't blame Donnie for preferring to rest over drive a race car when sick, and you can't blame the crew for not wanting the driver to 'get sick' inside the car.
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Windshield: This one's excusable. It would be awfully windy in the car without a properly functioning windshield.
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Window: A window seems important -- but as a reason to quit a race? Nobody had a replacement window ready for Jeff Swindell, it seems.
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Door: Maybe Fred Harb's 1961 DNF is the reason NASCAR race cars no longer have doors.
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Lug Nuts: Back in the fifties, drivers just stopped racing if there was an issue with lug nuts, apparently. (Could they not find new lug nuts to put on the car?) Today, crew chiefs get suspended instead.
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Connect: Oh, yeah, just like in iRacing.
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Engine Fire: You get a pass on this one, Scotty. An engine fire sounds scary. Less than ideal, really.
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Seal: A seal? In the car? I've heard of Jocko Flocko, but never Paschal's Pinniped.
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Seals: Hang on. Seals? As in, multiple marine mammals? Between Doug Yates and Jim Paschal, what was going on in 1961?
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Head: A head's important. That's why drivers are required to wear a helmet.
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Fan: While this probably isn't the intended meaning, I like to think a fan -- like an individual who is a racing enthusiast -- somehow caused this DNF, and not a parts failure.
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Spin/Fire: A rare two-fer! Buddy Baker exited Talladega in 1970 because of a spin AND a fire. Sounds pretty rock-and-roll, actually.
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Too Slow: Being too slow is probably one of the most humiliating ways to exit a race.
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Slow: Or, you can just be slow in general. I bet race leaders wish more lapped cars would quit a race for this reason more often.
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Flat Tire: 'Bring 'er in, the tire's flat. There's literally no way to solve this problem but to quit the race.
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Sump: Not much, 'sump with you? I'm not a mechanic, but isn't this the thing that keeps water out of your basement?
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Housing: Stick, buddy, you can bunk with one of your crew members. Don't stress about housing to the point where you quit the race over it. (Have I mentioned I'm not a mechanic?)
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Lost Fluid: He peed in the car. No doubt about it.
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Bad Gas: Since we've apparently reached the low, low point of toilet humor, you're welcome to tweet us your best fart joke.
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Air Cleaner: You know, like Febreze. Maybe JT 'Bad Gas' Putney drove the car first.
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Mud: Let's hope 'mud' isn’t a euphemism for something else.
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Plugs: Spark, or hair?
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Tires, Fuel: Another two-fer. Roy Hall stopped racing at Darlington in 1952 when he ran out of tires AND fuel. Impeccable timing, really.
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Broken Chain: Al Keller, the jeweler's racer.
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Pan: Junior Johnson left a race with the official DNF reason of 'Pan' -- it appears to be the only one in NASCAR history. No word what Junior Johnson was attempting to cook in his car that day in Weaverville in 1962, but it apparently didn't go well.
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Studs: Those studs'll get you.
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Fender: Either Ed Jordan drove into something, or he broke a guitar string rocking out on a sweet jam in the car. Either way, it's unusual to see 'Fender' as an official DNF reason.
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Hood Pin: Quitting a race over a hood pin? 1971, an era before duct tape.
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Frame: Some drivers use tape to attached photos of their loved ones to their dashboards. Not Bill Seifert.
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Shift: I'm curious about the story behind Jack Smith's official DNF reason as 'Shift' -- did he forget how to shift? Was there a problem with the shifter? What's going on here?
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No Tires: Stanley Smith somehow made it past the halfway point of the race with no tires. Impressive.
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Bumper: You can't race without a bumper, you know.
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Tire Rub: Cotton Wallace was apparently not equipped with Furniture Row Racing's giant saw blades to take care of his tire rub at Atlanta in 1965.
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King Pin: With zero mechanical knowledge of the king pin's role of a race car's wellbeing, I picture Junior Johnson excusing himself from racing duties to take down a major crime ring. 'I can't race. I've got to take care of this kingpin!' A true hero.
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Air Filter: You don't see a lot of DNFs for air filters these days.
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Shock: Instead of the shocks on a car, maybe Phil Parsons was shocked to stuff a helmet over his luscious eighties hair. If you don't know what I'm talking about, Google 'Phil Parsons 1984.'
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Stuck: When you race on the beach, you're bound to get stuck. It seems there was no helping Buck Baker that day in 1952.
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Fumes: JT Putney again?
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Seat: Major Melton retired after 324 of 500 laps for the reason 'Seat,' which seems like an awfully long time to race without sitting.
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Arm: I mean, this was a time before race cars used power steering. Your arm could get tired. That's what he means, right?
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Harmonic: I hope this was a typo for 'harmonica' and it fell under the seat mid-race.
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Lifter: Do you even lift, bro? Well, Tim Richmond probably did. That's why he left the race at Riverside in 1981.
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Fatigue: Atlanta got the best of Buckshot Jones in 1999, when he quit due to fatigue. Apparently, a relief driver was not available that day.
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No Reason: He just sort of got out of the car and stopped racing, I guess.
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No Explanation: Similarly to 'No Reason,' Bob Stancliff apparently had no words upon exiting from San Mateo in 1955.
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Unexplained: Lloyd Dane -- The Unexplained DNF Story, this fall on History Channel. Some mysteries can't be solved.
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Did Not Finish: He didn't finish the race because he didn't finish the race. Why is that so hard to understand?
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DNF: Similarly, Jimmy Means stopped racing at Dover in 1977 for the reason 'DNF.' Maybe it stands for Duke Nukem Forever or something nobody expected. Still, it’s the purest DNF reason ever given to date.