Fantasy sports are wonderful.
Fantasy sports allow us the chance to become more involved with a sport, so much so that if our fantasy team does poorly, we send tweets to the underperformer blaming them for ruining our lives.
Fantasy sports afford us the opportunity to hold a grudge against someone we know nothing about other than their handle is “AreUInThe14CarCuzBowyerUSexy69” and they routinely beat us by two points every week and make their picks based solely on how much of their favorite color is included in each paint scheme.
Fantasy sports allow you to grow an emotional attachment with a sport you love. And even sports you don’t know anything about. Ask me about my fantasy sumo team.
This all said, it is with great pleasure that thanks to NASCAR.com’s newly-improved fantasy racing platform, I extend an invitation to you, the followers who aren’t bots or fake ones that I purchased a few years back to fluff my Klout score, to join @nascarcasm’s Fantasy Dumpster Fire.
MORE: Fantasy Live FAQs
I chose this name based on my own fantasy-sports experience. I am to fantasy sports what Paul Menard is to musical theater. The last time I had a fantasy football team, my starting quarterback got injured for the season and I forgot to take him out of my starting lineup. Picture, if you will, a football game where the center keeps hiking the ball to absolutely no one. That’s my skill level.
The league is open to the first 4,000 signers-up. It will last for the first 26 races.
But ‘casm, you’re wondering, following the rapidly flowing river of dad-jokes-about-Blaney’s-hair sewage that is your Twitter feed is already bad enough. I mashed the mute button so hard and often that I now require Tommy John surgery. What’s in it for me?
HOT PASSES – THAT’S WHAT. The overall winner of the league will receive four hot passes to a race of their choosing during the 2019 season. No travel or lodging will be provided.
The second-place finisher will receive a $100 gift card to the NASCAR.com superstore.
The third-place finisher gets nothing because participation-ribbon culture only leads to WEAKNESS.
In the coming days, I will be soliciting ideas for what the overall loser of the league has to do. It won’t be anything as severe as streaking Dale Jr.’s property on a cold winter’s day. I mean, it was going to be, but then some people had to ruin it. I call these people “lawyers.” But we’ll figure it out.
To sign up, just click the link below. Here, you’ll also find all the details on how the game works. It’s so easy, even I can do it. That’s what my bosses told me. I’m grateful that my main contribution to NASCAR is setting the low bar for intellect.