| 1 |
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Ryan Newman |
He’s going to be tougher to beat than Male Pattern Baldness on a Bodine. |
| 2 |
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Jimmie Johnson |
A lot of people have picked him to win the inaugural Nextel Cup title. If he doesn’t, he can always say he would have won it last year. |
| 3 |
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Dale Earnhardt Jr. |
After qualifying, he said: “I am not Nostradamus.” Of course not. If he was, he’d have Larry Foyt, Kirk Shelmerdine and Andy Hillenburg asking him whether they should bother to show up for the Twin 125s. |
| 4 |
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Jeff Gordon |
He was only 39th-quickest in Daytona 500 qualifying. Which means his average qualifying spot is 39th when he is recovering from a shaved head. |
| 5 |
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Kevin Harvick |
His car handled better than anyone’s in the Budweiser Shootout, and he’ll be tough to beat on Sunday. |
| 6 |
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Matt Kenseth |
He was the slowest full-time Ford in Daytona 500 qualifying. The decision to leave the championship trophy on the hood during his two-lap run was a disaster. |
| 7 |
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Bobby Labonte |
www.igotbeatintheshootoutbyborissaid.com |
| 8 |
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Tony Stewart |
He has not had a good Speedweeks so far. On Sunday, he will actually comb his hair, hoping to change his bad luck. |
| 9 |
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Kurt Busch |
Jimmy Spencer was pretty rough on Toyota last week. Kurt Busch should have called them up and said, “I know how you feel.” |
| 10 |
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Jamie McMurray |
Davey would love that new paint scheme you got. |
| 11 |
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Dale Jarrett |
So he won the Budweiser Shootout. Which means he’ll probably win the Daytona 500 again. Which is good, because it’ll pay nearly $2 million to win, and he needs an airplane to carry Dale Jr. in. |
| 12 |
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Michael Waltrip |
He’s listed as 5-1 on a lot of online betting sites to win Daytona. But you have to watch these online betting sites. Most of them have him 5-1 to win Rockingham, too. |
| 13 |
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Terry Labonte |
The preseason rankings in the magazines are not picking him to finish in the top 10 again. But then again, he just might. As long as you’re in the top 10 by September, what’s to stop you? |
| 14 |
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Jeff Burton |
TNT agreed to sponsor the car for Speedweeks, and he’ll appear on a couple of TNT’s NBA telecasts. And a couple hundred Law and Order promos. |
| 15 |
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Greg Biffle |
That was his first Bud Pole. In his hometown in Washington, people filled the streets, overturning apple carts despite the pouring rain. |
| 16 |
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Rusty Wallace |
Since Bill Elliott’s semi-retired, no one in Nextel Cup is closer in age to Howard Dean than Wallace is. Wallace needs to fire himself up with a Dean-like speech. “Not only are we going to Daytona, we're going to Rockingham and Vegas and Atlanta and Darlington and Bristol! And then we're going to the Waldorf-Astoria to take back the Nextel Cup. Yeeeaaaaaaaaaah!” |
| 17 |
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Mark Martin |
His last top-five finish was 22 races ago, but he’s had a decent Speedweeks so far. |
| 18 |
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Brian Vickers |
He’s really looking forward to his rookie year, but he's also pumped about finally being old enough to vote in the upcoming Presidential election. |
| 19 |
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Sterling Marlin |
A lot of his time was wasted over the winter when a guy accused Marlin of tossing him into the ocean down in Jamaica. Marlin won the case though. If you try to research the case, don’t search the internet for Marlin and Jamaica. You’ll get a lot of sites wanting to charge you $799 to go fishing for four hours. |
| 20 |
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Ricky Rudd |
So The Wood Brothers moved shop from Virginia to North Carolina. Why did they use a flatbed to move all the racecars? Couldn’t you just drive them on the interstate? You’d be there in an hour flat. |
| 21 |
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Jeremy Mayfield |
He admitted over the winter that he loves Power Rankings. But not as much as he likes the Flowbee. |
| 22 |
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Elliott Sadler |
He lost a ton of weight over the offseason. Most of it was when he dropped the deer onto the hood of his truck. |
| 23 |
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Kasey Kahne |
He qualified seventh! Horrible debut! He wasn't even the highest qualifying driver from Washington state! |
| 24 |
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Ward Burton |
They say his new black uniform is slimming, but when you weigh 129 pounds, it don’t matter much. |
| 25 |
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Brendan Gaughan |
He drove a production Dodge truck 154 mph last week. The run was made in a truck that anyone can buy. To make it more authentic, Gaughan listened to the radio and chatted on a cell phone as he made the run. |
