| 1 |
2 |
 |
Mark Martin |
He says he won’t retire unless he’s 40th in the points. Well, he’s 65th in the Busch points. Does that mean he'll re-retire from the Busch Series? |
| 2 |
1 |
 |
Jamie McMurray |
You’re not doing anything to alleviate the pain of not being in the Chase, kid. The way you’re driving right now, you’d be right in the thick of it. |
| 3 |
3 |
 |
Dale Earnhardt Jr. |
He took 86-year-old Mike Wallace for a drive at Daytona. We could have joked that he was the fastest Mike Wallace at Daytona, except the other Mike Wallace actually won there this year. |
| 4 |
5 |
 |
Kurt Busch |
Thank heavens this is the week the lucky fan wins the hot lap with Kurt Busch. Hopefully, that guy in the Visa commercial won’t brag about his awesome sound system anymore. Toast. The hot tub. |
| 5 |
12 |
 |
Ryan Newman |
How ironic. The trophy at Dover portrayed a strong guy with no neck. Just like the winner. |
| 6 |
6 |
 |
Jeff Gordon |
He called for an end to NASCAR’s method of using stopwatches to time cars on pit road. At Talladega, NASCAR is planning to clock the cars with sundials. |
| 7 |
10 |
 |
Tony Stewart |
It would have been perfectly OK to get into a fight with Robby Gordon after Dover, because he has been off probation for over five weeks now. |
| 8 |
4 |
 |
Matt Kenseth |
He’s the only Nextel Cup driver with more pit road accidents (two) than on-track accidents (one). |
| 9 |
7 |
 |
Elliott Sadler |
If his hair gets any longer, we’ll see him in commercials for Paul Mitchell. With Michael Waltrip. |
| 10 |
11 |
 |
Jeremy Mayfield |
At Dover, he had on an orange shirt implying Robby Gordon to stay away from him. Jeremy, you should have had more of those shirts for sale, because it could have helped you get back the income you lost when you crashed at Loudon. |
| 11 |
13 |
 |
Greg Biffle |
He’s only 582 points behind Martin Truex Jr. in the Busch race with seven races to go. If Biffle wins the next seven races and leads the most laps in each and if Truex can finish worse than 20th and fail to lead a lap in any of them, Biffle can pull off the greatest rally in history. |
| 12 |
9 |
 |
Jimmie Johnson |
About the only nice thing you can say about his month so far is that his 29th birthday was a week ago and someone gave him a nice-looking high-carbohydrate cake. |
| 13 |
8 |
 |
Kasey Kahne |
He failed to finish both Dover races in 2004, giving him an average finish of 31st on the two concrete tracks this year. The only person who hates concrete surfaces more is named Martha Stewart, and that is just because she will have to mop them. |
| 14 |
14 |
 |
Michael Waltrip |
He hasn’t sniffed victory since his win at Talladega last year. Which means climbing out through the escape hatch was really bad luck. |
| 15 |
17 |
 |
Dale Jarrett |
He hasn’t had a top-five at a plate track since July 2000. |
| 16 |
16 |
 |
Carl Edwards |
Our boy Carl took the lead over Jeff Burton in our little head-to-head battle with a solid 18th-place run at Dover. Carl leads, 710-691 over the last six races. Hopefully, people will still think Burton is still in the No. 99 at Talladega and actually draft with you. |
| 17 |
15 |
 |
Jeff Burton |
It looks like he will actually drive an AOL-sponsored car next year. Guess it’s because he knew Ward wasn’t going to hang onto his Internet service provider, and someone in the family’s got to have email. |
| 18 |
19 |
 |
Sterling Marlin |
He’s got more points in the last six races than Matt Kenseth, Tony Stewart or Jimmie Johnson. |
| 19 |
18 |
 |
Kevin Harvick |
Rumor has it he won a lot of money playing slots at Dover. Which is pretty ironic, because in slots, if one of your arms falls asleep, you can keep going. |
| 20 |
23 |
 |
Rusty Wallace |
We’re sure it’s an honest mistake, but the official race result from Fontana says that Rusty Wallace only took home $13,808 for a 10th-place finish. No wonder he ain’t had a top-five since April! Poor boy can’t even afford tires with that kind of payout! |
| 21 |
21 |
 |
Bobby Labonte |
The top-10 drought will end this weekend. |
| 22 |
NR |
 |
Ricky Rudd |
His fine performance at Dover was largely ignored. Actually, his car has been ignored by the TV cameras all season. Rudd can remedy that by planning some sort of run-in with Robby Gordon at Martinsville. |
| 23 |
NR |
 |
Terry Labonte |
This is the 20th anniversary of his first Cup championship. And the 20th anniversary of Brian Vickers’ first baby steps. |
| 24 |
25 |
 |
Robby Gordon |
Robby, if you cause The Big One at Talladega, you’ll see more reporters than Barry Bonds will ever see the night he hits No. 756. |
| 25 |
NR |
 |
Casey Mears |
He’ll be driving a pink breast-cancer awareness car this weekend at Talladega. We believe in good karma, and considering his luck the last few weeks, watch out for Mears to have a good run on Sunday. If not, well, it’s still a good cause. |
