| 1 |
6 |
 |
Jimmie Johnson |
We love it when he wins because it’s funny to see all the local network affiliates claim that a “Jimmy” Johnson won the race. |
| 2 |
2 |
 |
Jamie McMurray |
Under the old points system, he’d be sixth. If he had made the Chase, he’d be second. If he had been the one responsible for the x-measurement penalty, he’d be fired. |
| 3 |
3 |
 |
Jeff Gordon |
He's never won at Phoenix. Which means he will win there this weekend. |
| 4 |
7 |
 |
Mark Martin |
Dude, that sucked. We’d rather wait for a flu shot than sit and listen to Mark Martin be dejected after he leads 891 laps and has to settle for second. Talk about pain. |
| 5 |
1 |
 |
Kurt Busch |
Not sure what disappointed him more -- the blown engine, or the fact that Jimmy Spencer showed up on Inside Nextel Cup on Monday night. |
| 6 |
5 |
 |
Ryan Newman |
He’s the reason they don’t award points for qualifying. |
| 7 |
4 |
 |
Dale Earnhardt Jr. |
Peace out, championship. |
| 8 |
10 |
 |
Tony Stewart |
He ran a McDonald’s car in the Busch race, which means Tony knows how to eBay. Where else would he have gotten a hold of one of Andy Houston’s old firesuits? |
| 9 |
13 |
 |
Joe Nemechek |
The way he is running, kids are going to actually want to use his car the next time they play Chase for the Nextel Cup on Playstation. |
| 10 |
14 |
 |
Jeff Burton |
He probably called Dale Jr. right after the race to remind him that he didn’t drive the No. 99 Ford any more. |
| 11 |
8 |
 |
Rusty Wallace |
So he got fined $10,000 for running into Ryan Newman’s car at Martinsville. Although it really won’t be a fine, because Rusty can just get Ryan a toaster for Christmas instead of a new motorcycle, so it all evens out. |
| 12 |
9 |
 |
Jeremy Mayfield |
He needs to finish 17th this week to break the vicious cycle of a top-five followed by a bad run. |
| 13 |
15 |
 |
Ricky Rudd |
He’s scored six straight top-16 finishes, which means we’re really mad he didn’t finish 15th at Charlotte, because it sounds a lot freakin’ better when you can claim you have six straight finishes of 15th or better. |
| 14 |
12 |
 |
Dale Jarrett |
He can still catch Jamie McMurray for 11th as long as McMurray skips the last three races to focus on the Truck Series. |
| 15 |
11 |
 |
Elliott Sadler |
He’s ran into Joe Nemechek two weeks in a row. Maybe it’s Nemechek’s way of telling Sadler he didn’t appreciate him rooting for Ricky Rudd to beat Nemechek at Kansas. |
| 16 |
19 |
 |
Kasey Kahne |
Time to borrow your teammate's Flowbee. |
| 17 |
21 |
 |
Greg Biffle |
Subway’s offering a campaign where you can sign up to meet Greg Biffle. Mark Martin has entered the contest in hopes he can ask Greg about what happened on that last restart. |
| 18 |
16 |
 |
Matt Kenseth |
He said that he is going to buy a dishwasher with the $1 million he won for winning the IROC title. If he needed the money that badly, then he should have just swallowed his pride and asked Jimmie Johnson for a freebie from Lowe’s. |
| 19 |
NR |
 |
Carl Edwards |
That might have been the highest-ever finish by a driver named Carl. Actually, Carl (Edwards) set the record back in his Nextel Cup debut, when his 10th-place finish easily bested Carl Long’s 29th-place finish at Charlotte back in 2000. |
| 20 |
18 |
 |
Kevin Harvick |
Whoa. Three engine failures in four weeks. Apparently, that was a simple clerical error, because Robby was supposed to get those motors. |
| 21 |
20 |
 |
Michael Waltrip |
Mikey, you actually just might want to let ol’ DW drive the Aaron’s Dream Machine in the next Busch race, because you haven’t had a top-10 in it in the last 16 tries. Do the math. |
| 22 |
NR |
 |
Brian Vickers |
He had his career best finish on Sunday, but no one noticed. |
| 23 |
22 |
 |
Brendan Gaughan |
So now he’s rumored to be in the hunt for the No. 0 Netzero Chevrolet. We’ve already done studies on this and we’ve determined that Brendan can say “Netzero” up to 10 times faster than Ward. |
| 24 |
24 |
 |
Casey Mears |
Just as soon as we got used to seeing the pink car, they took it away. |
| 25 |
NR |
 |
Robby Gordon |
He said that last week that he is going to drive for himself next year, and he doesn’t even need a sponsor. He’ll simply fund the team by fining himself for on-track incidents every week. |
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