| 1 |
1 |
 |
Greg Biffle |
Greg, you’ve run very well this year, which means surely you can pull some strings and make sure we don’t see Jared Fogle at another NASCAR race. |
| 2 |
2 |
 |
Jimmie Johnson |
Jimmie, this might be the week to try a special paint scheme so Stewart won’t know it’s you. At the very least, run one at Richmond. And for heaven's sakes, don’t announce what it looks like. |
| 3 |
14 |
 |
Kurt Busch |
At No. 14, we had Kurt Busch ranked entirely too low last week. We truly messed up. And all 89 of his fans wrote us about it. |
| 4 |
3 |
 |
Jeff Gordon |
He is driving a Star Wars/Yoda car this weekend. Who decides these things? Does Gordon get the Yoda car because they are the same height? Does that mean Jimmie Johnson gets the Darth Vader car? |
| 5 |
11 |
 |
Dale Earnhardt Jr. |
We liked his gray camouflage “8” hat. It matches the tie he wears to the prom in his Enterprise commercial. |
| 6 |
6 |
 |
Elliott Sadler |
We were hoping FOX could make it 312 laps without a lame “The force is with you” reference. Our hopes were dashed on Lap 255. |
| 7 |
5 |
 |
Mark Martin |
We heard that Matt Kenseth rode his motorcycle from Texas to Phoenix. If Mark Martin didn't fly his own plane, he could have ridden in Kenseth’s sidecar. |
| 8 |
14 |
 |
Carl Edwards |
You remember the show in the late 1970s and 1980s called Alice? The one where the single mom worked in the diner? Well, Carl looks like the son from that show. Don’t believe me? Click here. Kiss my grits. |
| 9 |
4 |
 |
Rusty Wallace |
So he might sell his stake in Penske Racing. And that’s so he’s not tempted to not re-sign Matt Borland. |
| 10 |
7 |
 |
Tony Stewart |
You can actually go on his Web site and purchase cotton/spandex underwear. It’s 95 percent cotton. In case you care. Jimmie Johnson should buy some. You know, for laughs. |
| 11 |
17 |
 |
Jeff Burton |
This team has had an impressive rebound from that Bristol crash, which would have killed a lesser team. He had his first top-five of the year, which got him on TV. But he dislikes wearing hats, and you can tell by the Cingular hat he wore on Saturday night. It was two sizes too big. Or his head was two sizes too small. We’ll go with the latter. |
| 12 |
12 |
 |
Kevin Harvick |
He got his crew chief, Todd Berrier, back from a four-race suspension. And Berrier said it was tough to watch the races via TV instead of in person. After seeing all those Dale Jr. ads, he’ll never fail inspection again. See, that’s how NASCAR can keep the crew chiefs in line. |
| 13 |
20 |
 |
Michael Waltrip |
He reeled off a half-dozen sponsor mentions after the race Saturday night. TV interviews the top-five after each race, so Michael has been waiting almost a year for this. |
| 14 |
9 |
 |
Sterling Marlin |
Mule Day is a big deal back home in Columbia, Tenn., and the festivities seems to have fired old Sterl up. Before Mule Day, his average finish was 18.5. Since then, it’s 12.0. |
| 15 |
8 |
 |
Kasey Kahne |
As part of his Busch Series deal with Evernham, he is going to cook for fans at Talladega. He needs to wear the Tony Stewart apron that is available on his Web site. Just as long as the underwear stays unpurchased. |
| 16 |
10 |
 |
Jamie McMurray |
He's thumping Kurt Busch in FOX's Sexiest Driver Poll. Something like 80 percent/20 percent. It's all in the hair. |
| 17 |
13 |
 |
Ryan Newman |
Even not winning the pole isn’t helping him run better. |
| 18 |
21 |
 |
Jeremy Mayfield |
Weird season so far. He’s got zero top-10s, but then again, he doesn’t have a finish worse than 28th. |
| 19 |
16 |
 |
Dale Jarrett |
He was third at Talladega last fall. If the media is in a good mood, they will say he’s gunning for his second straight top-five at the Alabama track. If not, they will say he hasn’t had a top-three finish in more than six months. |
| 20 |
22 |
 |
Kyle Busch |
Kelloggs needs to roll out a Snap, Crackle and Pop paint scheme. And have Kyle and Kurt’s pictures on the hood. |
| 21 |
25 |
 |
Brian Vickers |
We like to knock Brian around a little bit, but it’s pretty danged tough to get a top-five at Phoenix. |
| 22 |
19 |
 |
Matt Kenseth |
With Bobby Labonte’s troubles seemingly over, this guy officially has the worst luck in the series. We can almost see the headline on Jayski. KENSETH'S LUCK TERRIBLE? UPDATE YES |
| 23 |
NR |
 |
Bobby Labonte |
We’re not sure who caused it -- maybe it was Jimmie Johnson -- but it appears that all of Bobby Labonte’s bad luck has been transferred to Tony Stewart. |
| 24 |
NR |
 |
Joe Nemechek |
He got his first-ever top-10 at Phoenix. But then again, so did Johnny Sauter. |
| 25 |
NR |
 |
Casey Mears |
He will be participating the second annual Ward Burton Wildlife Foundation sporting clay shoot in June. Which gives him plenty of time to learn how to understand Ward -- and, more important -- how to fire a gun. |
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