

If Tony Stewart ate Jared Fogle in a fit of rage, he would immediately gain back all that weight he lost.

I guess you saw where he fell off the golf cart and injured his wrist. It could have been worse, but the fall was cushioned by his eyebrows.

I wish Robbie Reiser would just come out and admit he altered the car because it worked so well for Chad Knaus last year. You can't blame him. He totally scored some street cred.

Yeah. You try doing a Power Rankings joke every week for this guy, especially since he hasn't choked Greg Biffle in nearly five years.

Kenny Francis, I know you got suspended, which means you'll be watching the Daytona 500 on television. You better hope Michael Waltrip makes the Daytona 500, because if he doesn't, FOX might hire him to do TV analysis for the day.

Carl just now apologized to Tony Stewart for the Pocono incident last summer, you know, where he said he would make Tony bleed the next time he pulled a stunt like that. Of course, he only said this after Tony started bragging about his excellent physical condition.

Report: Teresa surprised to learn NASCAR fans actually read The Wall Street Journal

Report: Jeff Gordon's unborn kid signs driver developmental deal with Hendrick Motorsports, plans to demand majority interest in company

I still think he purposely meant to screw up his girlfriend's name at the Nextel Cup at the banquet. He is funny like that.

Report: Jayski devoting six hours a day to discovering what will happen to the Cingular sponsorship

I really feel that he will be one of the 11th or 12th guys that benefits from the new Chase format. If he doesn't make it this year, he will certainly make it next year, when NASCAR extends the Chase format to the top 33.

He was so pumped up over making the Chase that he worked out all winter and lost 15 pounds, mainly so that he would remain half of Tony Stewart's weight.

He finally got engaged to his girlfriend Nicole over the offseason. After seeing her go after Kurt Busch's wife last spring, Greg decided he wanted to be with her for the rest of his days.

I really miss the old, pre-Penske Kurt Busch, the one that won races and was hated. This one smiles too much and loves working with everybody. He'd sell a lot more merchandise if he just played the bad boy role and bashed everyone. Instead, the only Kurt T-shirt I have seen since 2005 was worn by a bartender at the Olive Garden in Daytona Beach, and she probably only grabbed it because it was the last one left.

Report: Mears accuses Regan Smith of copying his haircut

Report: NASCAR, Montoya considering request from Ward Burton to drop "Pablo"

The highlight of his offseason was when he shot a 50-pound beaver in his yard with his son holding a spotlight. That was pretty much it.

My impression of the NASCAR appeals process:
Evernham: We'd like to appeal.
NASCAR: Take it up with the Stock Car Commission.
Evernham: OK. Stock Car Commission, we'd like to appeal.
Stock Car Commission, three seconds later: Denied.

I am still waiting for Martin Truex to tearfully admit that he urinated on the police car last month in an unsuccessful bid to distract the media from reporting on the Dale Jr.-Teresa saga.

I certainly wish Benny Parsons was around to say "MacMary" this year. I hope that the memory of B.P and Bobby Hamilton is honored on Sunday during the pre-race. With the suspensions and Toyota debut, I fear this story will get lost in the shuffle.

The race is on: Can A.J. Allmendinger crash more cars in six weeks than J.J. Yeley crashed in six months?

He has got to be totally stoked about already being 50 points ahead of Kahne and Kenseth.

His crew chief, Josh Browne, was one of the four suspended crew chiefs. To add insult to injury, the Associated Press misspelled his name in their report.

If I was Ricky, I'd ask for an immediate addendum to my contract that prohibits me from replicating the Snickers Super Bowl commercial. Yuck.

I can just see his house in 20 years. He will have a framed newspaper -- the frame will be matted and cost $400 -- and it will headline his Daytona 500 pole win. Under it, there will be a story detailing how an astronaut wore diapers on a trip to Orlando to go scare her boyfriend's lover.