Posted on by RJ Kraft

The NASCAR Fantasy Live season is 12 races in – almost halfway home in the regular season. Near the midpoint, it’s a good time to evaluate how you stand and to look at some statistical trends that could benefit owners in the second half of the season.

With the Monster Energy All-Star Race race carrying no Fantasy Live implications, RJ Kraft thought this was a good time to examine the usage of drivers in the game and how that stacks up with fantasy points earned, while also offering an outlook to the second half of the fantasy game season.

RELATED: Driver stats | Play Fantasy Live today | Watch Fantasy Fastlane now

Note: For the difference column below, if a driver’s usage rank is greater than their fantasy points rank, it’s marked as a negative. If a driver’s fantasy points rank is greater than their usage, it’s marked as a plus.

Driver Ranks: Usage/points  Diff. Outlook
Kevin Harvick 1/2  -1 With three wins on 1.5-mile tracks in ’18, a must start on the three 1.5-milers left (plus Darlington).
Kyle Busch 2/1 +1 So good at so many places, but three tracks to have him for: Kentucky, Watkins Glen and Indy.
Martin Truex Jr. 3/8 -5 Not racking up the points like he did in ’17. Based on his Fontana win, a must for both Michigan races.
Brad Keselowski 4/5 -1 If you’ve slow-played the ’12 champ, great news: He’s a must at Pocono, Chicago, Loudon and The Glen.
Kyle Larson 5/9 -4 If Kansas is a future sign, a summer of Larson awaits (Pocono, Michigan, Chicago, Loudon, Darlington).
Joey Logano 6/3 +3 Bounce back in ’18 has him in players good graces; keep a start saved for Indy (five straight top 8’s).
Chase Elliott 7/12 -5 It’s been a tough go for the third-year man; Michigan looms as the tell-tale moment (3.5 average finish).
Denny Hamlin 8/7 +1 Hamlin was in heavy use for me early; look to have him ready for Charlotte, Loudon and Darlington.
Ryan Blaney 9/10 -1 The speed has been there, the finishes up and down of late; plan to have him for the high-speed tracks.
Kurt Busch 10/6 +4 Like most SHR teammates, points rank is greater than usage rank; strong play for Sonoma and Pocono.
Jimmie Johnson 11/13 -2 “Seven-Time” has earned 30 or more points in four of past five races; avoiding on intermediates for now.
Clint Bowyer 12/4 +8 Fantasy comeback driver of the year so far; a must at Sonoma and Bristol, with other opportunities to play.
Ricky Stenhouse Jr. 13/16 -3 Four top-15 finishes in his last five races. Strong play to use at Bristol — his best track — and Daytona.
Erik Jones 14/14 Even Three top 10s on 1.5-milers make a good play at four intermediates; sneaky for Pocono (5.5 avg. finish).
Aric Almirola 15/11 +4 With eight top 12s in 12 races, he’s been a strong surprise in ’18; the ultimate plug-and-play option.
Alex Bowman 16/15 +1 Based on his best ’18 results coming at short tracks and plate tracks: Bristol and Daytona are good uses.
Ryan Newman 17/21 -4 In a funk with three finishes of 30th-or-worse in last four races, would look at Bristol or Sonoma for a use.
Austin Dillon 18/18 Even The Daytona 500 winner should be rostered for the July Daytona race under the lights.
Daniel Suarez 19/17 +2 JGR driver has a good record on 1-milers, so Loudon is a solid play; also, best finish came at Watkins Glen.
Paul Menard 20/19 +1 A driver that is a sneaky play in the second half with that Ford power; think Michigan, Daytona, Indy.
Jamie McMurray 21/24 -3 After three straight playoff years, it’s been a tough go so far for the veteran; would wait to see consistency.
Darrell Wallace Jr. 22/23 -1 With a runner-up in the Daytona 500, could be chic pick to roster for the summer race there.
William Byron 23/20 +3 Byron seems to be inching closer to turning a corner; the rookie is a sneaky play for Loudon.
Kasey Kahne 24/27 -3 Kahne’s current 23.4 average finish is a career low; fantasy chances could lie at Sonoma and Daytona.
AJ Allmendinger 25/22 +3 Everybody’s favorite road course play; much better at Watkins Glen then Sonoma but worth using at both.
David Ragan 26/25 +1 Both his wins have come at plate tracks and his best ’18 result was at Talladega; use him at Daytona.
Matt Kenseth 31/NA NA The definition of a wait-and-see play. Far from the ideal showing at Kansas; more time to evaluate.
Posted on by Official NASCAR Release

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. — The NASCAR Diversity Internship Program (NDIP) will welcome its largest class in program history during 2018 Monster Energy NASCAR All-Star Race weekend, NASCAR® announced today.

More than 30 top students from across the country have arrived in Charlotte for orientation at Charlotte Motor Speedway, the NASCAR Hall of Fame and other racing venues before attending the Monster Energy NASCAR All-Star Race on May 19 (8 p.m. ET on FS1, MRN and SiriusXM NASCAR Radio, channel 90). Following orientation, the interns will officially begin the 10-week, paid program.

Since its inception in 2000, NDIP has offered a select group of students from diverse backgrounds a unique hands-on experience in the motorsports industry. The program has grown to include several industry partners and continues to provide career opportunities for multicultural students as one of the premier internships in sports.

“NASCAR is committed to enhancing diversity both on and off the track and the NASCAR Diversity Internship Program has opened doors for hundreds of students to explore a career in motorsports,” said Paula Miller, NASCAR senior vice president and chief human resources officer. “Many of our interns have been hired as full-time employees and now are helping to lead NASCAR into the future — a great testament to the value and success of NDIP.”

Among the notable NDIP alumni are Brandon Thompson, managing director of the NASCAR Touring Series, and Jusan Hamilton, who last year became the first African American to serve as race director for a NASCAR national series event. Hamilton also oversees the NASCAR Drive for Diversity driver and crew member development programs.

Erica Wilkerson, another NDIP alum, now works in youth marketing at NASCAR and manages NASCAR Acceleration Nation, the sport’s first national youth platform. Pedro Mojica interned with Rev Racing and the NASCAR Research and Development Center before joining International Motor Sports Association (IMSA) as a technical engineer.

The 2018 NDIP class will have roles at NASCAR and program partners across the industry which include International Speedway Corporation (ISC), Toyota, Motor Racing Network (MRN) and several tracks and teams.

Throughout the program, interns will interact with industry professionals at an array of networking events and lunch-and-learns led by NASCAR executives. The interns will also have access to mentors and NDIP alumni currently working at the sanctioning body and partner organizations.

Many of the interns will participate in their first NASCAR experience during Monster Energy NASCAR All- Star Race weekend. The experience will include guided tours of the NASCAR R&D Center, MRN studios and Roush Fenway Racing.

The interns will also meet Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series™ driver and NASCAR Drive for Diversity graduate Darrell Wallace Jr., the highest placing African-American driver in DAYTONA 500 history.

NDIP is open to sophomores, juniors, seniors and graduate-level college students and offers hands-on experience with one of the top sports industries in the country. The internship provides opportunities to multicultural students from all majors with a minimum grade point average of 3.0.

The 2018 NASCAR Diversity Internship Program class includes:

Name

Department

University

Genesis Acosta NASCAR & ISC Human Resources Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University
Maria Aleman NASCAR Research & Development North Carolina State University
Ariel Cavazos ISC Legal Florida A&M University College of Law
Nikhaule Chandler Motor Racing Network North Carolina A&T State University
Sally Chung ISC Finance Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University
Chandler Coley Roush Fenway Racing University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
Brijea Daniel Richard Childress Racing University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
Brandon Escamilla NASCAR Driver Marketing Texas Southern University
Grant Floto Michigan International Speedway University of Michigan
Taylor Harris Gateway Motorsports Park Hampton University
Zachary Hernandez Chicagoland Speedway Lewis University
Asia Hirschenson ISC Partnership Marketing Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University
Jorge Jones NASCAR Hispanic & Youth Marketing University of the Incarnate Word
Kevin Joseph NASCAR Research & Development California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo
Henry Lanear Kansas Speedway Rice University
Kenneth Lee Talladega Superspeedway Tuskegee University
Nealyn Lee NASCAR Finance Bethune-Cookman University
Zue Lopez Diaz NASCAR Public Affairs Florida International University
Olivia Messineo NASCAR Digital Media SUNY Cortland
Maxwell Miranda NASCAR Licensing Mercer University
Carlena Neely Toyota University of North Carolina at Greensboro
Hyleah O’Quinn NASCAR Green Innovation University of Arizona James E. Rogers College of Law
Kushagra Pandey NASCAR Analytics & Insights George Washington University
Sonya Patel NASCAR Legal University of California, Hastings College of the Law
Jay Patel NASCAR Productions University of North Carolina at Charlotte
Darwin Patterson NASCAR Digital Media University of Florida
Kirby Paulson NASCAR Integrated Marketing Comms. Quinnipiac University
Malaney Sanders NASCAR Weekly & Touring University of Arkansas
Julia Siguenza NASCAR Broadcast Towson University
Steven Sosa ISC Digital & Interactive Communications University of Central Florida
Ivana Valdez NASCAR Green-Hotels for Hope University of Texas
Isaiah Wright Richmond Raceway Virginia State University
Lucia Zapata Daytona International Speedway University of Central Florida
Claudia Zapata NASCAR Foundation University of the Incarnate Word
Posted on by Staff Report

NASCAR announced this offseason that it will standardize at-track team rosters across all three national series in 2018, providing a structure for the number of personnel working on each vehicle during the course of a race weekend.

Official team rosters for Saturday’s Monster Energy Open (6 p.m. ET on FS1, MRN, SiriusXM NASCAR Radio) and the Monster Energy All-Star Race (8 p.m. ET on FS1, MRN, SiriusXM NASCAR Radio) at Charlotte Motor Speedway have been unveiled.

Click here for the Monster Energy Open team rosters.

Click here for the Monster Energy All-Star Race team rosters.

RELATED: Overview of 2018 rules updates

Posted on by Brad Norman

Trackside Live is bringing fans at Charlotte Motor Speedway a million-dollar event on Saturday, May 19 (2:45 p.m. ET).

WATCH: Trackside Live | MORE: Full schedule for All-Star weekend | Buy your tickets

Don’t miss your chance to meet your favorite drivers and have some fun along the way. Watch the video above and get excited for an all-star showdown in the Queen City.

Enjoy!

Posted on by Chase Wilhelm

If Kyle Busch, last year’s winner of the Monster Energy NASCAR All-Star Race, wants to defend his victory, he’ll have to do it by conquering a plethora of new circumstances in this year’s marquee event.

Saturday night’s Monster Energy NASCAR All-Star Race at Charlotte Motor Speedway (8 p.m. ET, FS1, MRN, SiriusXM NASCAR Radio) will see a new rules package, which includes restrictor plates along with a 6-inch high spoiler with two 12-inch ears, a 2014-style splitter and aero ducts.

RELATED: Full Charlotte All-Star Race weekend schedule | Cast your All-Star Vote now!

On top of that, the mandatory pit stop as seen in years past has also been eliminated, blowing the doors wide open for an array of pit strategy in the 80-lap race, which is broken up into four segments — 30 laps, a pair of 20-lappers and 10-lap finale.

Adam Stevens, crew chief for Busch and the No. 18 Joe Gibbs Racing Toyota brigade, says the team is preparing for a number of potential outcomes.

“It’s going to go one of two or three different ways,” Stevens told NASCAR.com. “It’s either going to be easy wide-open where it’s going to be more like a traditional superspeedway restrictor-plate race. That’s a possibility if the grip level is high.

“If the grip level is a little bit lower than what we anticipate, then we could be lifting a bunch more and it can get strung out. We don’t know. If we’re not putting a lot of stress and a lot of heat in the tires, then maybe they’ll hang on longer and keep us bunched up. And then if we are (putting more stress and heat on tires), we may be lifting a lot more. You’re kind of having to prepare for two or three different scenarios because until we get on the race track, you can just guess yourself in a circle. You just don’t know.”

As far as pit strategy is concerned, Stevens says with so many brand-new factors coming into play, the possibilities are endless and it all depends on circumstances that may arise.

MORE: All-Star Race: What you need to know | Eligible All-Star Race drivers

“A lot of that depends on how the cautions fall and how this new aero package uses the tires,” said Stevens. “It’s a new tire combination, as well. There’s so many unknowns, it’s almost impossible to predict.

“I don’t know if that with this aero package and the restrictor plates if we’re gonna be easier on tires and easy wide open where we won’t be thinking we need tires every time the caution comes out, or if it’s still going to be hard on the tires and we run 15-20 laps and we’re gonna want tires,” he added. “There’s just no way to tell until we get some laps on the race track.”

With practice sessions occurring during the heat of the day on Friday afternoon, Stevens says the way the cars handle then will be a big indicator for what teams can expect when temperatures cool off Saturday night.

“It’s all a matter of grip level. Obviously with the track temperature up in the heat of the day, the grip levels are going to be down,” Stevens said. “So, with this particular package with the restrictor plates and all the extra downforce, if we can get around their wide open during the heat of the day, that’s going to only get easier at night. It might throw the balance off a little bit, but it’s all a matter of overall grip level and if we have enough to get around there wide open all night.”

Posted on by Kathy Sheldon

STATESVILLE, N.C. – For one night, the small Statesville Airport hangar transformed into a whimsical “Midsummer Night’s Dream”-themed wonderland for Wednesday’s ninth annual Catwalk for a Cause event. Drivers and industry personnel from different teams and companies came together to raise money and support for childhood and ovarian cancer through the Martin Truex Jr. Foundation.

And for one magical, twinkly light-filled night, racing and points weren’t the focus among these drivers. Rather, it was the young cancer patients walking down the runway.

“When we first started there were 50 people and we raised $7,000. And it was small – we had no idea it was ever going to get this big,” said Sherry Pollex, longtime girlfriend of Martin Truex Jr., co-founder of the Martin Truex Jr. Foundation and ovarian cancer survivor. “There’s not anything else like this in the NASCAR community, where we have drivers that come together as a community and walk with the kids and people see where their money is going while they’re sitting in the audience. I think it’s important for the donors to be a part of that and this event is just all about the kids and it’s their night to show and it’s incredible to see it grow.”

MORE: Social media roundup from event

Several drivers and their wives walked — in some cases, danced — with current and former childhood cancer patients down the runway, as country singer Cassadee Pope opened and closed the show. There was first-time runway walker Kyle Busch with his enthusiastic dancing, Noah Gragson rocking a flower crown during the “Coachella” set, and Clint Bowyer and wife, Lorra, with a choreographed finger-pointing move upon exiting the stage. Aric Almirola, Darrell Wallace Jr., Todd Gilliland and Ty Dillon also walked the catwalk with patients.

At the end of the show, the children — called Catwalk heroes — took the now-darkened runway once more wearing glowing wings and head pieces. The crowd stood in applause as the patients held up signs depicting their dreams and aspirations, with “Won’t Back Down” playing in the background.

The moments were sweet, rousing and impactful, especially for drivers like Bowyer with children of their own.

“If you have a family and you have kids and you see and you meet these kids … that’s just when it really rings home,” he said. “You meet their parents, siblings … and you’re just like, ‘My gosh, this is reality, this could happen, this does happen.’ And then you come to an event like this and you see the awareness, you see the money that it generates, to support the cause, to support the families, to support the education, to support the research, the development, all those things that go toward not having those kids on that stage anymore. That’s the reason that this thing just keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger.

“It’ll tug at your heartstrings. … To see them enjoying their moment and shining on the stage and enjoying it and embracing it — the pride and excitement in their eyes, that’s the coolest thing about this event.”

After the show concluded, Truex Jr. and Pollex came back onstage again to present Novant Health with a $1.2 million check that will go toward the formation of the Martin Truex Jr. Foundation Children’s Emergency Department in Huntersville, North Carolina, and the SherryStrong Integrative Medicine Oncology Clinic in Charlotte, North Carolina. Pollex received her own cancer treatment through Novant, so it’s a donation that is especially personal for the couple, Truex said.

“I get chills when I think about it,” Truex said of the donation. “To be able to help the community here right in North Carolina where we live, to see the impact that it’s going to have. The emergency unit for the kids is going to be amazing. And then the integrative clinic in Charlotte that Sherry’s really leading up is going to be great because that was such a big part of her treatment and what she does to help herself heal. It’s such a big part of what’s made her healthy and being able to live life since she’s gotten diagnosed with cancer. That’s really, really near and dear to her heart.

“For both of us, these are the things that really matter to us and it’s awesome that we’ve been able to raise enough money to make an impact this big and we’re very, very proud of it.”

At one point during the announcement with Novant, Truex looked at Pollex and said of Novant, “You saved Sherry’s life.”

RELATED: Martin and Sherry through the years

“That’s where I had all my cancer treatments, that’s where my doctor is, my oncologist and my nurses are all there,” Pollex said. “So they’ve been an integral part of my whole cancer journey. … I can’t believe my name is going to be on a cancer clinic. But it’s just so cool to be a part of that and know that I can help teach other cancer patients all the integrative therapies that I used while I was going through my treatment because they helped me tremendously get through my treatment and have helped with life after cancer.”

Life after cancer for Pollex this year has been one of much-needed self-care. And she feels great, she said.

“I’m on a new maintenance drug that I started a couple months ago,” she said. “So far, I haven’t had any crazy side effects or anything, I feel great. I just have taken a little time for myself and to spend time with my family, so I haven’t been traveling as much. … I’ve been on the road for 17 years so it’s really nice to just take a break and be able to enjoy my life. The fans all think I’m not there because I’m not feeling well, but I actually feel great, so it’s been really nice.”

The time away from the track has allowed her to focus on the Martin Truex Jr. Foundation — and work to make the impact on the community even bigger.

“I’ve been putting a lot of my efforts toward the new integrative cancer clinic and toward the pediatric emergency center,” she said. “I’ve also been working with (Levine Cancer Institute) doing some things with the gynecological support system that they have there for patients like myself that have been diagnosed with ovarian or cervical cancer. …

“We’ve kind of got our hands in a little bit of everything in the community and it’s allowed me to have more time to spend on that.”

Posted on by Staff Report

The annual Martin Truex Jr. Foundation Catwalk for a Cause presented by Furniture Row even just keeps getting better. In its ninth consecutive year, 2017 Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series champion Martin Truex Jr. and longtime girlfriend Sherry Pollex announced a staggering $1.2 million donation to Novant Health to help combat childhood cancer.

The annual gala — which had a theme of Midsummer Night’s Dream on May 16 — again included the tear-inducing catwalk, where children in treatment or remission from cancer walking the runway with NASCAR drivers and their spouses.

NASCAR Digital, along with several drivers and teams, captured plenty of touching moments from the event. Our favorites are below, and stay tuned for even more coverage.

https://twitter.com/Gassigirl88/status/996939291887534081

 

Posted on by Zack Albert

During a Wednesday news conference at the NASCAR Hall of Fame, Winston Kelley — the shrine’s executive director — acknowledged some personal hesitation with confronting heights. But Kelley and a host of others in the NASCAR community say they’re happy to set aside their trepidation for a good cause.

“If it’s for the kids, I’m willing to do it,” Kelley said in Wednesday’s kickoff to the first Charlotte edition of “Over the Edge,” a rappelling challenge and fundraising event scheduled Sept. 25-26 to benefit area education and healthcare services for children. The philanthropic program is the result of a joint effort with the Friends of the NASCAR Hall of Fame Foundation and The NASCAR Foundation.

RELATED: Success story at ‘Over the Edge’ Daytona

Hall of Famer Richard Petty and NASCAR Vice Chairman Mike Helton were also on hand to support the initiative — in voice, if not in a wall-scaling capacity. Petty said that Darrell Wallace Jr., his rookie driver in the famed No. 43, would take part, and Helton announced company contributions for participating employees.

“Every day or every week, we hear someone in our industry that’s given back to the sport and it makes you incredibly proud of being a part of NASCAR, the NASCAR Hall of Fame and The NASCAR Foundation and everything that they do,” Helton said. “… As part of the league and the regulating body, we get told we’re over the edge a lot. But this is a real deal. This is fun.”

The event is capped at 130 spots, with each participant to raise $1,000 or more for the foundation’s charities. Going over the edge will mean a 10-story trip downward from the new Embassy Suites Charlotte Uptown with the NASCAR Hall of Fame and its plaza as a backdrop.

Hall of Famer Rusty Wallace and International Speedway Corp. CEO Lesa France Kennedy plan to be back for their second such event, with JTG Daugherty Racing driver Chris Buescher also joining in.

The Charlotte event follows the first NASCAR-related Over the Edge fundraiser, held last November at the corporate headquarters in Daytona Beach, Florida. That debut raised $200,000 for the Daytona community, sparking conversation about expanding the program to another hub of the stock-car racing industry.

“It was such a success in Daytona that Lesa came to me and said we should do it in Charlotte,” said Nichole Krieger, The NASCAR Foundation’s executive director. “We started looking around and it made perfect sense for the Embassy Suites to host us. … It’s an important community to us like Daytona is, and we just think it’d be great to do something here in Charlotte.”

For more information about the program — including registration, sponsorship and volunteer opportunities — visit CharlotteOverTheEdge.org.

Posted on by Chase Wilhelm

Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series teams will no longer be required to start the race with the tires on which they qualified, according to Wednesday’s official NASCAR Rule Book update.

Starting on the qualifying set will be optional beginning with the Coca-Cola 600 at Charlotte Motor Speedway on May 27 (6 p.m. ET, FOX, PRN, SiriusXM NASCAR Radio).

Teams will be allotted four sets of practice and qualifying tires moving forward, with the exception of superspeedway events, which will have three sets. For enhanced weekend and superspeedway events, teams will be allowed to carry over their qualifying set to the race. If teams do not put laps on their qualifying set, teams will then be required to carry over a scuff practice set for the race.

Wednesday’s rule book update also reflects that teams have been granted one less set of tires for practice and qualifying, and one more set for the race.

For example, teams were allotted five total sets for practice and qualifying tires at Las Vegas Motor Speedway in March. When teams return to Las Vegas in September for the first race of the NASCAR Playoffs, four sets will be permitted.

Posted on by @nascarcasm and Steve Luvender

As the internet battled Wednesday over whether a viral audio clip said ‘Laurel’ or ‘Yanny,’ our own Steve Luvender and @nascarcasm got into a heated debate over the clip on Slack, when they should have been doing something productive.

The transcript is as follows:

Steve Luvender: YANNY

NASCARCASM: LAUREL

Steve Luvender: YANNY

NASCARCASM: LAUREL

Steve Luvender: YANNY

NASCARCASM: DARRELL

Steve Luvender: DANNY

NASCARCASM: DALE

Steve Luvender: DENNY

NASCARCASM: DONNIE

Steve Luvender: DAVEY

NASCARCASM: DERRIKE

Steve Luvender: DIBENEDETTO

NASCARCASM: BUESCHER … AS IN CHRIS NOT JAMES, SORRY WANT TO CLEAR THAT UP

Steve Luvender: I MISS SEEING JAMES TEAR UP THE TRACK. IT’S BEEN A WHILE. I HOPE HE’S DOING WELL

NASCARCASM: GOSH ME TOO. ALSO, DARNELL

Steve Luvender: BELL

NASCARCASM: BILL (SEE: AWESOME FROM DAWSONVILLE)

Steve Luvender: DID YOU SAY DAWSONVILLE OR AUSTIN DILLON

NASCARCASM: I LOST TRACK STEVE … LET’S SAY DILLON

Steve Luvender: THAT’S OK. I FORGET WHAT WE WERE YELLING ABOUT ORIGINALLY. SOMETHING ABOUT A DRESS THAT’S BLUE AND BLACK

NASCARCASM: NAH IT WAS ABOUT HEARING TWO ENTIRELY DIFFERENT THINGS — LIKE WHENEVER WE HAVE CONFERENCE CALLS WITH WARD BURTON. I’LL ASK YOU “DID HE SAY ‘SPATULA THE POLECAT UP THE BANANA PATCH’” AND YOU’LL BE LIKE “NO I THINK HE SAID ‘FLIM FLAM WHAM BAM ANDOUILLE SAUSAGE MOLAR.’”

Steve Luvender: OH, YEAH, LIKE THIS VIRAL VIDEO I SAW YESTERDAY. THEY SAID YOU’D EITHER HEAR “YANNY” OR “LAUREL” BUT I JUST SAID I HEARD “YANNY” TO SOUND COOL. I REALLY HEARD “DENNY”

NASCARCASM: YOU HEARD “DENNY?” I HEARD “DALE”

Steve Luvender: DENNY

NASCARCASM: PLAIN AS DAY … DALE

Steve Luvender: DENNY. HOW COULD YOU EVEN HEAR ANYTHING ELSE?

NASCARCASM: IF DALE HAS A DALE CALL I WONDER IF LAUREL HAS A LAUREL CALL. LIKE, YOU BLOW IT AND EITHER LAUREL OR YANNY SHOWS UP

Steve Luvender: LAUREL SHOWS UP VIA FEDEX, A COMPANY THAT SPONSORS WHICH DRIVER?

NASCARCASM: RAISE HELL AND PRAISE LAUREL

Steve Luvender:  CARL?

NASCARCASM: DARL … ington sorry that was weak

Steve Luvender: “YANNY LAUREL” SOUNDS LIKE A VENTRILOQUIST IN TRAINING TRYING TO SAY “DANIEL SUAREZ” WITHOUT MOVING THEIR LIPS

NASCARCASM: PAUL MENARD NEVER MOVES HIS LIPS BUT HE ALSO DOES NOT OWN A PUPPET SO I GUESS THAT MAKES HIM LIKE 50 PERCENT A VENTRILOQUIST. LIKE, HE’S GOT HALF OF IT DOWN.

Steve Luvender: HOW DO YOU KNOW PAUL MENARD DOESN’T OWN A PUPPET?

NASCARCASM: I MEAN I GUESS I’M UNFAIRLY GENERALIZING WHO KNOWS WHAT SKILLS HE MAY HAVE. HE MAY HEAR BOTH YANNY AND LAUREL. MAYBE HE CAN JUGGLE TOO.

Steve Luvender: YOU’RE PROBABLY RIGHT. A MAN WITH SUCH IMPRESSIVE FACIAL-HAIR-GROWING ABILITY SEEMS TO HAVE NO BOUNDS TO HIS TALENT. I’M GLAD WE CAN AGREE ON SOMETHING

NASCARCASM: DALE

Steve Luvender: DENNY. (oh crap I have a meeting be back soon)

NASCARCASM: YOU WIN